Help, required over housing

pinkshoes

This guy sounds like an obsessed and controlling nutter. It is not normal denying someone access to their friends and family.

Did he have a horrible childhood that would make him behave like this? I'm not condoning his behaviour, but there's usually something that triggers behaviour like this, something psychological. From his point of view, he probably feels like everything he's had control of (house, you, kids) is about to be ripped away from him, hence he's being so nasty.

Could the two of you go and see a councillor or mediator that can act as a referee and help you come up with a solution? (I'm not talking getting back together, just a way that he can control his posessive feelings, and that you can sort out an arrangement that you're both happy with.)

Where abouts are you based? You say you haven't got any friends, but there are always people willing to help.

xmaslolly76

Hi

I'm sorry to hear your situation, ive been thee and it is not a nice thing to be going through at all. Thankfully i was working and i could get out myself. You poor thing this must be driving you absolutely crazy with worry and anguish.

I have noticed that a lot of replys are talking about the mental abuse of yourself which is true it is mental abuse but he also appears to be doing this in front of the children (is he directing any of it towards the children?) which would then be classed as child abuse. Please if any one knows better then please put me right on this but if the kids are involved in the abuse surely social services can do something about having this man (and i use the term man loosely) removed from the family home. A friend of mines husband was slapped with restraining order within days through social services. They obviously have greater powers than you or i and can get things moving alot quicker than your average family solicitor can especially if they feel there is a threat or risk to the children.

The fact that you have made your stand and have said you no longer want to be in this relationship shows how strong you are and i know you will make it through this difficult time and you and your children will have a very happy furture together. x

arthur_dent_2

Please get in touch with some sort of abused persons charity, this may not be violence but it is definately abuse. Phone the samaritans or just go to the council and say I am in an abusive relationship, I don't want to can't go back. If any of your children are of school age go there and tell them, someone must be able to help you out.

xcat_girlx

a lot of emotional abuse eventually stems into violence.

good on you for knowing you need to walk away now.

shell_girl

Just to clarify a couple of point raised above-
If there is abuse in the home then it is recognised as affecting the children, depending on the level of abuse it could be deemed child abuse. The OP however seems to be making every effort to put the situation right and therefore every effort to protect the children, so she should have nothing to fear regarding social services involvement if it comes to that. I wanted to say this as a lot of abusers tend to use the threat of social services to maintain control over the situation- i.e. 'tell anyone and I'll report you for being a bad parent'.
If the situation becomes so bad that the OP and her children have to leave the home (either through prolonged mental abuse, threat of violence or escalation of abuse) then she would NOT be classed as intentionally homeless. If it is 'unreasonable for you to continue to occupy a home to which you have a legal right to occupy' then you are unintentionally homeless. Local Authorities have a duty of care towards those who have experienced Domestic Abuse, even more so where there are children involved. Only the OP knows whether she and her children are safe to continue to occupy the home, but I would suggest that either way she contacts the relevant helpline in my signature so that they can refer her to the local WA group, legal assistance and emotional support.

helpinghands_3

You could ring your local council to see if they provide floating support, you would have to refer yourself to the scheme and they will beable to support you with any tenancy related issues, they give advice and support with housing etc most councils have a floating support provider. Ring them it will be worth it.