The ultimate incentive to get debt free, can I do it by New Years?

Tete_en_l'Air

Glad you're feeling a bit better, I'm sure once you see him in person and have a good proper chat you'll feel much more positive about things.

Dinah93 wrote: »

when it comes to luck of the Irish he has none! He's applied for about 300 non-law jobs now and hasnt even had a single interview!

He needs to get over here and woo them with his dulcet tones!

clearmydebts

Hi Dinah,

Glad your feeling a bit better!

With my friends that were together for 9 years, neither of them wanted to get married until that time. They travelled the world together, lived in different parts of Ireland, then they bought a house together and then they felt mature enough to get married. They weren't deciding for 9 years if the other person was the right one, they just didn't feel the need to get married for a while! I can honestly say they are one of the most grounded and made for each other couples I know. However, this is not unusual in Ireland at all. I was going out with a fella from 17 to 22 (5 years) and we had never once discussed getting engaged. We were young and had lots of fun together. We were in love, but in a lighthearted way and we had some wonderful times together.

That's why everyone is so different. If it feels right for you now, then you need to tell your OH. It doesn't really matter what age you are, if you feel you want to settle down now then that's all that matters and I'm sure he will take all of this on board. Sometimes Irish men need a little gentle push in the right direction. They are not known for being spontaneous! (don't want to generalise but you know what I mean!)

Dinah93

I considered sending him off to Boro or Stockton next week but I don't think he'd still want to move over here! Might send him to Darlington to try his luck!

Dinah93

He knows how I feel CMD, and he wants the same things, but he sees things happening in this very specific idealised order, and he has no flexiblity in that order it's very much' this is how it has to be, don't like it, then I'll understand if you leave'. Which is downright infuriating and is fine if you are single, but if you're a couple you need to take into account the other persons feelings and circumstances?

That's great for your friends CMD, but it wouldn't work for me personally. I know what I want, and I don't have much time to play with, so I need to be pro-active in making it happen, I can't just be happy for a few years and see where it takes me, I need to be sure I'm heading in the right direction. I do want to see the world, but I want to do it in nice hotels once a year rather than backpacking for 8 months in a row or anything, the whole lifestyle that is supposed to appeal to a young person has always left me cold. The whole clubbing, travelling, promiscuity, drugs and general intransience just doesn't appeal to me and seems like a complete waste of time, and I know none of it would make me happy. Maybe it's very boring the attitude I have, but I equate my personal happiness very closely with my friends and family around me, not with an external source such as work etc, so to me I couldn't ever be properly happy if I lost the possibility of having my own kids through a concious decision. Anyway, back to happier things.

Tete_en_l'Air

Dinah93 wrote: »

I considered sending him off to Boro or Stockton next week but I don't think he'd still want to move over here! Might send him to Darlington to try his luck!

BOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! The bit around the courts is nice in Middlesbrough, when the locals aren't in the fountain in their baggy boxers :eek:

clearmydebts

Dinah93 wrote: »

He knows how I feel CMD, and he wants the same things, but he sees things happening in this very specific idealised order, and he has no flexiblity in that order it's very much' this is how it has to be, don't like it, then I'll understand if you leave'. Which is downright infuriating and is fine if you are single, but if you're a couple you need to take into account the other persons feelings and circumstances?

That's great for your friends CMD, but it wouldn't work for me personally. I know what I want, and I don't have much time to play with, so I need to be pro-active in making it happen, I can't just be happy for a few years and see where it takes me, I need to be sure I'm heading in the right direction.

I think your OH has to learn the meaning of the word 'compromise' Dinah. It's very very unfair of him to say to you 'I'll understand if you leave'. That is putting you in a very vulnerable position. He really needs to be a bit more flexible and see things from your point of view as well, then you can reach a happy compromise where everyone is happy.

Dinah93

Lol well that's always a lovely sight! Boro might be good as there are a lot of recruitment agencies, although you can't get a bus to Boro from my house and I'm not able to leave him my car on a weekday, so might have to be Darlington purely on practical grounds.

Dinah93

clearmydebts wrote: »

I think your OH has to learn the meaning of the word 'compromise' Dinah. It's very very unfair of him to say to you 'I'll understand if you leave'. That is putting you in a very vulnerable position. He really needs to be a bit more flexible and see things from your point of view as well, then you can reach a happy compromise where everyone is happy.

If I was in his position, where I was being told I couldn't have my dream career because of the 'possibility' that his gf couldnt have kids, I would probably not want to see that either and dismiss it out of hand too. I don't want to push it cos he's giving up Ireland to be with me, but I think he's daft doing the LPC with such a slim chance of a training contract anway, to add another year onto all that just seems complete madness all on a slim hope he'll get a training contract in a recession with a 3rd class degree from another country. There's optemism and there is false hope and I'm terrified with no evidence to the contrary it's the latter, and he's yet to show me or say anything to convince me otherwise.

clearmydebts

Maybe he just has to go for all these jobs/training, get the rejection letters and then he will go for something else?

I think it will be easier when he moves over because you will be able to chat more openly about things and see each other more often as well. Then maybe you can bring up the subject of babies/marriage.

Dinah93

I really want it to work out for him the way he wants, REALLY REALLY want it in fact, but what I need to know is if it doesn't, how long will he chase it before he accepts I don't have endless time, and makes that his priority instead. Will he ever put the family he says he wants before getting to be a solicitor/getting a promotion/making partner etc.