The ultimate incentive to get debt free, can I do it by New Years?

Dinah93

Thanks for all the hugs guys. I know I'm probably being stupid, but it just seems such a huge gamble, and he's so bleeding doe eyed and optimistic, but I have to be realistic and what if it doesn't all just magically work out? My life hasn't moved forward in so long, I just want to 'grow up'! All my friends are getting married, buying houses, having kids, and in 3 years I'll just be allowed to start thinking about these things, until then I either pretend my career is a priority, or I just stop caring about anything.

clearmydebts

Hi Dinah,

I think you need to have a serious chat with your OH about where you both see yourselves in 2 years time. If you want to get married and have babies now, then you need to be honest with him and see how he reacts to it.

It is possible to get married and have kids without owning your dream house as well. In fact you might end up married and renting to get him towards his dreams. I'm sure everything is possible (for both of you) but maybe not in the order you dreamed of.

When you next see your OH maybe it is time to have 'the talk' about where your future lies because it would be a shame for a couple (who seem so compatible) to break up over something that could be fixed.

Dinah93

We've had the talk, many times, he even seemed to be considering proposing for a while, and we want the same things, just I would like to see marriage in 2 years and kids in 5, and he wants to see marriage in 5 years and kids in 7, which in an ideal world I would be happy with, but I don't think my body will be! I can see his argument, why he wants to wait, but he just doesnt seem to get how serious this is for me, if I had to wait for him and was then not well enough to carry children, I would never get over that. If I had to pick the one thing I wanted in life, gone is the big house, the money, fulfilling job, marriage, it'd be the children I would want.

clearmydebts

What about bringing him to the doctor so that the doctor can tell him how important it is for you to have children young. It might sink in then?

Tete_en_l'Air

Dinah93 wrote: »

Thanks for all the hugs guys. I know I'm probably being stupid, but it just seems such a huge gamble, and he's so bleeding doe eyed and optimistic, but I have to be realistic and what if it doesn't all just magically work out? My life hasn't moved forward in so long, I just want to 'grow up'! All my friends are getting married, buying houses, having kids, and in 3 years I'll just be allowed to start thinking about these things, until then I either pretend my career is a priority, or I just stop caring about anything.

Hello, Dinah, are you there this morning? Hope you're feeling better today petal, things always seem better the next day for me.

I have to say that made me smile about you OH being all "doe-eyed and optimistic" - I have quite a few friends over in Ireland and they're all like this. I blame the luck of the Irish - they always land on their feet in the end so why worry in the meantime?! They also seem to regard marriage a lot differently to us here (I'm not saying this is necessarily true of yr OH...) - my friend can't believe how many of my English friends are engaged/married and I'm almost 27. She says that over there because divorce was illegal until so recently and is even now so uncommon, they really really don't enter into marriage lightly. I know Irish couples my age who've been together since 18 and no engagement or anything.

I'm struggling with my wording here and I don't want you to think I think you're looking at marriage lightly or anything, I'm just saying he's probably got some of the same mentality and is also just really laidback about things.

Have a good talk this weekend when he's over and reiterate what you've said before. Hopefully between you you'll be able to think of a way forward with his training. Is him coming over without a job and working in any old job an option? Maybe you'll feel less anxious once he's moved over. Try not to worry too much about the future - think of the positives - at least you have a good job, are paying off your debt and will be in a position to move out of your parents' in a year's time. And you're obviously with the man you want to be the father of your kids - that's the hardest part!! Even if you want to start having kids before 30, you've still got ages. I'm sure everything will come together over the next couple of years.

Please don't think your life hasn't moved forward - this time last year I gather you were with an abusive ex, up to your eyes in debt with your head in the sand and look at you now.

Sorry, bit of an epic there

poddle911

Hi Dinah (and all your followers!) I'm all new to this and I've caught up with your thread over the past few days. I'm starting to feel a bit voyeuristic so I thought I'd join in and I just want to say WOW! How inspirational are you?! I love the fact you've focused on your goal and you're blasting your way towards it at an incredible pace! You've been so honest and it seems like everyone's sharing your ups and downs with you. That's probably enough gushing for now, but try to keep your chin up and I really hope everything works out x

clearmydebts

Hi Dinah,

As you know, I am Irish and I agree with Tete En L'air about entering into marriage. The average age among my friends for marriage is 29 and it is viewed differently in Ireland. Friends of mine started going out when they were 17 and he proposed on their 9 year anniversary and they got married on their 10th year of going out. This isn't unusual!

However, it seems like your OH has come close to asking you a couple of times so he must be really sure that you are the one. You need to find out what is the latest age you can be to conceive and work back from there. If it means getting married and having children then you need to tell your OH that so he can respond to it.

Oh and I agree about the optimistic bit too. I am of the opinion of 'if it's for you, it won't pass you' and things have always worked out. Sometimes I have had to take the hard road and that hasn't been easy but they do work out in the end!

Flower08

Hi Dinah,

Sorry to see you've been feeling down in the dumps about things. I dont really have much advice except ditto what clearmydebts and Tete en l'air have said. Sending big hugs your way and i hope your feeling a bit better about things today.

xx

Purpleroses

Hi Dinah! hope you're having a good day. I remember we were talking about cheap listing on ebay well i just got this from them:

From Saturday 29th to Sunday 30th November 2008 (local UK time), Private Sellers who list item(s) with a starting price of between £0.01 and £0.99 (inclusive) in an eligible category using the Auction-style format on eBay.co.uk, will not pay an Insertion Fee per listing.

Dinah93

Hi guys thanks for all the lovely posts. Nice to see a new face too. I am feeling a bit better today, although I noticed myself going off on a huge rant at OH earlier over nothing, even I know that I only did that so I didn't think we were right for one another and make things easier!

OH has said he will find a way to make it so that he can take the two modules between now and septmeber so that this doesn't set us back in our plans, but when it comes to luck of the Irish he has none! He's applied for about 300 non-law jobs now and hasnt even had a single interview! And we're talking minimum wage things here, not high flying careers.

A lot of what everyone says makes sense, and it's true I'm in a much better place than I was last year. But I wouldn't stay in a relationship 9 years with no commitment. To me when you meet the right person, you just know it, and if you need 9 years to convince yourself then that person might be 95% right, but 95% isn't enough for the rest of your life.

On the other note I got that ebay email too - Gutted that I'm away all weekend so can't do listings, but if I try to do 15 tonight and 15 tomorrow night, and I have about 10 to relist, then at least that's 40. Plus OH has all those comics on his computer, I will get him to change all the fixed price ones to auctions and shove them up again anyway, since its free.

Sold another book today, so have 5 things to wrap tonight to post tomorrow, plus that guitar, which isn't too bad.

Really appreciate that you all took time to post, means a lot to me x