MSE Parent Club - Part 2

redmel1621

Hi All

I've not posted on this thread before, but i've got a bit of a query and thought you guys might be able to help me out a bit!

My son is 8yrs old (Nov) and has made friends with a boy in school who is in the year above him. He went round to play at this boy's house last week, the mum picked them up from school and dropped ds off later on. When he came home I asked if he'd had a good time and what he had been up to.....it appears they had been playing out in the street on the bikes/roller blades/skateboards etc...Now, I don't let ds out in our street because it can be fairly busy at times although I would love to, and keep thinking I should do (at that age I was going swimming and down town by myself). I am not overly worried about when he was playing out at the friends house because they do live in a quiet cul-de-sac.....

My question is, what age did you let your children start playing out in the street? I know it probably depends on where you live. I'm sure everyone has this same dilemma of wanting to keep their kids safe, but at the same time allowing them some freedom and not wrapping them in wool......

Mel x

chocaholic110

Mine were quite young - probably about 5, although to be fair they played mostly in gardens and just used the street to move between gardens. I hadthe rule that i had to be able to see them when I checked and also that they had to come and say if they were moving to another garden in the street. We do live in quite an old fashioned area though, where everyone keeps a look out all the time, plus there are loads of kids in the street and they all play together. We had the rule of not further than x's house in on direction and y's house in the other. Plus they weren't allowed to go on the front street at all (where there is a busy road). My DS wasn't allowed to leave the street until he was 11 (although lots of others in the village roam around from a much younger age) and the rule will be the same for 10 year old DD, although she hasn't asked yet.

I see it as building up gradually and trust plays a big part. Mine understand if they are where they are supposed to be and come back when they are supposed to then next time they can go further or for longer. If they don't come in on time next time they have to be in earlier.

Its a very tricky line between keeping them safe and promoting independence. Who can say what the right answer is?

nadnad

redmel1621 wrote: »

My question is, what age did you let your children start playing out in the street? I know it probably depends on where you live. I'm sure everyone has this same dilemma of wanting to keep their kids safe, but at the same time allowing them some freedom and not wrapping them in wool......

Mel x

it really depends on were you live and how sensible your kids are. my wee man is only 9 months but I'm lucky enough to live in the country on a lane with about 10 houses and our garden is nearly 2 acres so I won't have the worries of someone living in a town. I lived in a small country housing estate when I was little - about 50 houses and everyone knew everyone and all the kids played out together and it was lovely, but I guess thats pretty rare now.

Like chocaholic says I think you've got to build it up gradually and allow a little bit at a time.

Sami_Bee

Hello Mel :wave:
I think you've got your answer so I won't really try to answer but just a comment, I have everything crossed that we move out of this house soon because we live on a busy main road and only have a tiny back yard I really don't know what I would do with Chris if we are still here when he's 4ish, I would let him play in the back garden on his own (with me probably at the window/door every 2 mins ) but it's too small to ride a bike around it so he wouldn't be getting much exercise ans I presume would get bored easily plus I don't want him out there too much because we live nxt door but one to a pub so get plooms of cigarette smoke coming from the beer garden
Chris plays in the in-laws street now (a quiet cul-de-sac) but always with one of us outside too, there are a few kids/grandkids on the street so summer weekends are pretty fun around there!

Curious_George_2

its a sad sign of the times but my DD (nearly 9) has never played out on the street, at her age i was out first thing, down the beach, building dens, doing whatever and not back til it was getting dark, and i was filthy and hungry...
before the days of mobile phones too!

she doesnt have any friends that live near us, and we are on a main road so it just aint happening, she wants to walk to school alone (something i was also doing at her age) but its at least 15 mins walk, crossing 2 really busy roads and quite honestly i have an anxiety disorder... it would drive me batsh!t nuts! call me over protective if you want, but as ive said before... it wont be my kids photos you see on the front page of the paper (for the wrong reasosns anyway!)

im seriously considering moving this summer so we can have a garden again, we had one when DD was young and had to move to this house with only a concrete yard so we were nearer her school... but now DS is getting to the age where he deserves a garden,

Sami_Bee

CG: I wouldn't let my kids walk to primary school alone either
While I was preg with Chris a little girl who was 7 was killed while out playing on her own, I couldn't beleive it when I saw loads of young kids still playing out alone , walking home from school the following days while the killer was still out there :eek:
I wouldn't have let mine out of my sight at that time (if I'd had one obv )

nadnad

isnt it terrible that we cant let our kids out and about?! like i said i'm so lucky to have this house in the country but at the same time i would always be keeping an eye that nobody comes down the drive, I always have the doors locked because the health visitor told my friend about people turning up and distracting you and trying to take the baby. Its horrible.

We're going to get one of those automatic gates so that no one can come in unless i see them, because the house has triple glazing and you cant even hear cars pulling up outside! Which is not good because I have a tendency to walk around half dressed and you never know who's about!

redmel1621

Hi Sami:hello:

Curious George - That's how it was when I was younger too, I would barely be at home all day:) Ds has also been asking if he can walk to school on his own, which is pretty pointless because I have to take ds2 to the same school, so I am going that way anyway!! I suppose I am a bit dubious of his road awareness! I think I will work on this a bit and then start, as suggested, letting him out in the front but with rules of where he can and can't go!! He does often try to push his luck though so how well he would adhere to this I don't know...

Mel x

Sami_Bee

ooh Nad you secret nudest :rotfl:
We keep getting warned about a fake HV turning up around here :eek: apparently it happened but the mum wouldn't let them in, I have no idea when it happened and if it was just the once or if a few mums were targeted but thankfully I know my HV very well and know most of the others pretty well to so unless it was one of them I would def not let them in!!

Curious_George_2

Its horrible for DD though as her best freind gets to go places with her slightly older brother and gets to nip to the shops alone,
ive told her if we lived opposite the shop that im sure laziness would have made sure that she had gone over for the ocassional pint of milk alone before now, but we dont live opposite... its a good 10 minute walk away (probably longer for her alone) and theres a bloody busy road inbetween....
also, i couldnt rely on DD to find her way out of the bathroom if i painted it a different colour, if you know what i mean
shes so distractable and..... shes the type will will go to her room to search for something, swear blind she cant find it then i walk in and its right infront of me, not even hidden under anything, it gets infuriating after a while
i know shes not stupid but she does the most stupid things that honestly, on a bad day it makes me wonder whats wrong with her
if i ask her to go upstairs for something quite often she wont come back, or she comes ack 10 minutes later completly oblivious to the fact ive been waiting... because shes fogotten all about it,
i cant trust her to go out on her own with a sieve mind like that