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Men! How long will it take now!?
Comments
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BrandNewDay wrote: »I realize you're asking for practical real estate advice, but I'm going to give you some relationship advice:
Are you this man's mother? If not, why are you doing all of this for him? He is either very irresponsible or he doesn't really want this house. Either way, I don't see how picking up the slack for him will ever make you anything but exhausted and miserable. You say that he's doing this all on his own? It's his house? His mortgage?
If the house sale falls through, that's his problem. Why are you getting sucked into this?
If you want to spend your life with him, I really think you need to get out of the habit of taking care of him like this. The more you do, the less he will do. I can promise that you will end up frustrated and resentful if you don't nip this in the bud.
I find this post very offensive! I never asked for relationship advice!
End of the day he is a man - I work in an office full of them - and let me tell you paperwork is never where it should be!
I'm his girlfriend not his mother - He is not irresponsible (he has never been this bad - he even pays his bills on time!) and he definatley wants the house! Yes it is his house and yes it his mortgage - I can't sell my property so he has to do it alone.
If the house falls through it is 'our' problem its our home. I'm getting 'sucked' into this because we are in a stable relationship!!! I definately do not take care of him - if you think I run around in my pinny tidying up after him your very much mistaken! He lived on his own for 5 years so he is independant! He messed up just this once!
I'm angry about this myself and think he is a totally idiot for it but I think he just genuinely put it with the other stuff and forgot!.. along with all the moving boxes and other paperwork he has lying around he just got too bogged down......... Jebus...... Not everyone is perfect.
The only reason I helped sort his mortgage (well I sorted an advisor out!) was because he was working 7.00a.m - 6.00p.m for 2 weeks solid and where he was working he couldn't have his mobile on so he was uncontactable so I did the inital sorting out he just needed to complete the rest!A blonde... cleverly disguised as a Brunette.......;)0 -
He lived on his own for 5 years so he is independant!
Sorry to rain you your parade, but I think ^^^ that sums it up quite clearly for me.
He doesn't want to do it, that is why he has forgotten to fill in stuff / post stuff off/ ring the builder etc etc and now he has you pushing him into something that he possibly doesn't want.
If he did want it, he would know where the written papers were for the mortage etc etc.
Not fully sure of the law, but if it goes tits up as suggested by another posted, it is his problem and not your as it is his name on the mortage / papers not yours.Breast Cancer Now 100 miles October 2022 100/100miles
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Sorry to rain you your parade, but I think ^^^ that sums it up quite clearly for me.
He doesn't want to do it, that is why he has forgotten to fill in stuff / post stuff off/ ring the builder etc etc and now he has you pushing him into something that he possibly doesn't want.
If he did want it, he would know where the written papers were for the mortage etc etc.
Not fully sure of the law, but if it goes tits up as suggested by another posted, it is his problem and not your as it is his name on the mortage / papers not yours.
Jebus! Talk about people being judgemental! You really don't know anything about our relationship at all!
I'm not pushing him into it! He had to persuade me to move in with him! We have already lived together pretty much 24/7 for the last year! He does want this - I told him he had to be sure 100% before we went ahead with it and he assure me he was 110%!
He is living in a mess at the moment with the house move there is paper everywhere - he is just disorganised - he thought he had posted them along with his credit card bills - and he was upset when he realised he hadn't done it! And he didn't need to phone the builder! The post asked if the builder had phoned him which the answer was no!
And it may be his name on the mortgage and it may be his problem if it goes tits up but there are two people in this relationship so i'd not abandon him because it went 'tits' up! So it is our problem!
I asked how long the process would take now - not written into Dear Dierdre!A blonde... cleverly disguised as a Brunette.......;)0 -
There seem to be a lot of qualified relationship counsellors on this thread!
Don't worry Natty. Some of us know that everyone is different and every relationship is different. Those who can't understand that sometimes it isn't efficient for one person to iron half the socks and the other person to iron the other half don't realise what a sharing relationship is!
Hope you get the house sorted.0 -
I find this post very offensive! I never asked for relationship advice!
End of the day he is a man - I work in an office full of them - and let me tell you paperwork is never where it should be!
I'm his girlfriend not his mother - He is not irresponsible (he has never been this bad - he even pays his bills on time!) and he definatley wants the house! Yes it is his house and yes it his mortgage - I can't sell my property so he has to do it alone.
If the house falls through it is 'our' problem its our home. I'm getting 'sucked' into this because we are in a stable relationship!!! I definately do not take care of him - if you think I run around in my pinny tidying up after him your very much mistaken! He lived on his own for 5 years so he is independant! He messed up just this once!
I'm angry about this myself and think he is a totally idiot for it but I think he just genuinely put it with the other stuff and forgot!.. along with all the moving boxes and other paperwork he has lying around he just got too bogged down......... Jebus...... Not everyone is perfect.
The only reason I helped sort his mortgage (well I sorted an advisor out!) was because he was working 7.00a.m - 6.00p.m for 2 weeks solid and where he was working he couldn't have his mobile on so he was uncontactable so I did the inital sorting out he just needed to complete the rest!
Calm down a second... and just listen to me:
What you are doing is not going to work for the long term. You are taking the attitude that "Men" in general can't be counted on to take care of themselves. A normal, intelligent, emotionally mature man is quite capable of taking care of himself. Yes, I think women multi-task better than men do. And, I think that our complimentary talents do benefit our men. But, if you are actually chasing up his legal documents, filling them out, instructing him to post them, following up to see to it that he does it and getting frustrated with him, something is not quite right.
If you enjoy doing this, then fine. I personally know some women who like being in charge and telling their husbands what to do. However, I know a lot more women who have fallen into that rut and resent it. The more you do this for him, the less he will do for himself. If you treat him like someone who is not capable of buying his own house, and he goes along with it, you are going to find yourself in that rut.
On the other hand, if you just let it go and let him take care of it, you will probably discover that he's a lot more capable than you previously expected. You will be free, yourself, to take care of your own business and to be a true support and friend to him in ways that build him up, rather than undermine him. For example, packing - definitely something women do better than men.
:beer:0 -
BrandNewDay wrote: »Calm down a second... and just listen to me:
What you are doing is not going to work for the long term. You are taking the attitude that "Men" in general can't be counted on to take care of themselves. A normal, intelligent, emotionally mature man is quite capable of taking care of himself. Yes, I think women multi-task better than men do. And, I think that our complimentary talents do benefit our men. But, if you are actually chasing up his legal documents, filling them out, instructing him to post them, following up to see to it that he does it and getting frustrated with him, something is not quite right.
Do you never get frustrated with your OH then!? I don't know many relationships where everything is so perfectBrandNewDay wrote: »If you enjoy doing this, then fine. I personally know some women who like being in charge and telling their husbands what to do.
I think you should get the vision of me standing over him with a whip out your head - thats strictly for birthdays!BrandNewDay wrote: »However, I know a lot more women who have fallen into that rut and resent it. The more you do this for him, the less he will do for himself. If you treat him like someone who is not capable of buying his own house, and he goes along with it, you are going to find yourself in that rut.
That will never happen... I make tea... he washes up.... its the way we work.... and he knows the answer if he askes me to his ironingBrandNewDay wrote: »On the other hand, if you just let it go and let him take care of it, you will probably discover that he's a lot more capable than you previously expected. You will be free, yourself, to take care of your own business and to be a true support and friend to him in ways that build him up, rather than undermine him.
He generally does his own stuff I never interfere - I did in this as he was busy with work. He hasn't done anything like this before (Well once he forgot about our 6 month aniversary... and obviously that was just devastating
)BrandNewDay wrote: »For example, packing - definitely something women do better than men.
He has packed his own boxes - in fact his packing is better than mine! Holiday stuff is a different matter! Which is why he had shampoo stains on all his holiday clothes this year :TA blonde... cleverly disguised as a Brunette.......;)0 -
Well, if it's working for you, then OK. Maybe this is just an aberration. But what you described sounded like something more chronic and I know from experience that it gets very exhausting.:beer:0
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i'd filled it in 2 weeks ago and he'd 'forgot' to post it!!! :mad: Then I found a letter from the mortgage advisor asking for 3 pay slips from the 21st August.... and he hadn't done it!!!
I re-read what I wrote originally and maybe this bit makes you think I do everything for him! I filled it in as he knew I was upset that I didn't feel 'involved' in the move as I couldn't do anything as I'm still tied to the brilliant flat purchase I made 3 years ago! So he asked if I wanted to fill it in!....... He had got the pay slips and was in the envelope but just forgot to post..... and I don't think its because 'he doesn't want to go through with it' bcause his FHM subscription was with it too and he was well niffed!
And as for the exclaimation marks.... I'm a woman... i'm over reacting!!! A blonde... cleverly disguised as a Brunette.......;)0 -
Can I just clarify Natty I was only joking (I believe you understood but other perhaps didn't) .
It seems there are a lot of people who really do think men are like I described
:) 0 -
I find these descriptions of men very offensive. True, but offensive.
By the way, if you haven't signed up for the purchase yet, now would be a great opportunity to have another think. Your OH may still decide to go ahead, but there seems to be plenty of downside in the property market still, and he might want to think about that some more.No reliance should be placed on the above! Absolutely none, do you hear?0
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