DD struggling to fit in at High School

webbie

Mrs7ones wrote: »

Actually, she doesn't have a problem going to and from school - the bus stop is directly outside our door, and she has a 'friend' call for her on a morning. The thing is, this friend has a whole different set of friends at school and isn't in any of DDs lessons - so their paths never cross during the day at all (it really is a very very big school), and TBH, they don't actually have anything in common at all other than me being friends with this girl's mum!! (which is why they get on the bus together - my friend sees my DD as a sure-fire way of getting her DD to school on time!!!!)

What about asking the school to change her tutor group to another group where they feel she will have girlswith interests in common? A friend of mine did this for her daughter a few years ago - and never looked back. It's still very early in the term and everyone is still "new", so it wouldn't stand out too much.

Mrs7ones

webbie wrote: »

What about asking the school to change her tutor group to another group where they feel she will have girlswith interests in common? A friend of mine did this for her daughter a few years ago - and never looked back. It's still very early in the term and everyone is still "new", so it wouldn't stand out too much.

Yes, this was mentioned as an option this morning, if the mentoring doesn't help - they'll look at it after October half term.

Red_Fraggle_3

Just wanted to send a big hug - DD is in year 9 now but last year was pretty rough for her this one seems to have started better :-)

Keep talking to her, loads of hugs and small treats and promote extra curriculum stuff it does bring confidence

hellokittygal

As someone who has gone through this all i can say is tell her she'll be ok.

I moved to a totally different area at 13 and started school in the October, so groups had already formed and bloody hell did i struggle.
I was bullied all the time where we had lived before, so i had no confidence (which still affects me now at 21).
I found a nice group of friends a month or so after we moved, but high school was still a difficult time.

All i can say is tell her she'll get through the akward time and in a few years will wonder why she was so worried.
I agree that the mentor system is good and the extra cirricluar activities seems a good idea, and its nice the teachers have noticed shes not happy, it proves they keep an eye on the children.

Good luck.

louise540056

Mrs7ones which area (roughly) are you in??

Yorkshirechick

I'm not sure I have any real advice, but to echo what othes have said, I'd definitely encourage her to join in the peer mentoring scheme.
I went to a very small secondary school by today's standards (about 400 kids), and still found it daunting, and hard work to fit in.
I think it might be a good idea for her to move forms if she is still struggling in a month or so, a couple of girls moved forms in my year at school and it seemed to work wonders for them.
It's so difficult at that age poor thing. I still have trouble relating to a lot of people my age now, as a lot of my friends want to go out into town every saturday night and get leathered, and that's just not my sort of thing. What I'm trying to say is that it will definitely get easier for her, and she might jut have to ride it out for a few months.
I think it's great that you have such a close relationship though, I hope my son will talk to me about things like this when he's older.

paula7924

i had a horrible time at school so i sympathise with you both.

Can i suggest that you take her to the hairdressers and get a really nice haircut - if she feels more confident in how she looks and feels about herself she will be able to cope better in an environment that makes her unhappy.

my suggestion may seem a bit daft but it would have worked wonders for me so it might be useful for her too.

Best of luck

pulliptears

You have my sympathy, the first year at high school is probably as traumatic for the parent

When DS started I was on edge daily, he would come home with tales of who pushed him, hit him etc. One night I was so upset I went straight to see his form teacher. His form teacher actually taught me and I knew her well from babysitting her kids etc as a teen. She took me into the staff room, made me a cup of tea and talked some sense into me.

What she told me in a nutshell was to step back. DS needed to find himself and his own place within the school, as she pointed out while Im running back and forth to the school DS wasnt standing on his own 2 feet.

I did just that, some days I could cry when he left but I kept smiling and reassuring him and to his credit he kept going.

He is in year 11 now and leaves next year, he admits himself that year 7 was difficult to adjust to and it was a hard year, but by year 8 things are better.

Keep plodding on, keep reassuring her and dont let her see you upset. Its hard pretending to be like that with kids, but she will settle soon I promise.

Mrs7ones

HI,
an big THANK YOU to all who have posted, and a quick update.

DD was started on the mentor plan, and was very surprised at some of the other kids on it... not who she would have though needed help settling in at all. I think this made her feel a little bit happier about things - that she's not the only one...
Last week wasn't too bad - she tried really hard to give people and things a chance, and tried to be 'brave'.... as a reward, we had a movie night after DS2 had gone to bed, so she was allowed to stay up really late with me and her Dad and we all snuggled and munched popcorn etc....

this week, although she was nervous on sunday night, things seem a lot better. So fingers crossed, I think we may be over the worst of it.

pulliptears

Thats good news Mrs7ones, Im glad things are a little better.

If you can all keep smiling through the ups and downs you will all get through it just fine

I have it all to come again next year when DD starts. Eeek.