adoptee found birth mother & sibling (merged with po box who owns it?)

sad_dog_lady

in my opinion, go for it, my mother never did find her mother , so i did, it was too late by three months, and she'd kept everythig to do with my mum in a small box, she was found holding it like a baby. poor woman must of suffered most of her life wishing for her daughter back. very sad, to be rejected is awful, but not to try..............i think is worse. hope you get some contact.

Keeping_Motivated

Hi look at this site http://www.afteradoption.org.uk/

They can help you with the contact and its free too, you could phone them for advice too 0800 0 568 578 they can speak to your birth mum for you to get a feel for how she is feeling and any future meeting can be at their offices if you prefer.

Hope that helps
KM x

shazrobo

i traced my birth father, who i found was in contact with my sister, but wanted absolutly nothing to do with me, and ignored all contact i tried to make, was like being rejected all over again and very painful.
be careful, and be aware this can and does happen
hugs
shaz x

UglyBetty

Since the Adoption & Children Act 2002 (fully implemented 2005) Adopted adults and their birth relatives can request an intermediary service from an aodption support agency. Ask your local council if they can give you this service (many do) or direct you to a local agency that can help you. Usually, if the local council can do this for you there is no charge. If an adoption support agency does it they will usually charge a fee as most of them are charities.
By doing it this way, your contact details will be kept confidential. It is important to get some good advice from an approved adoption support agency. If the woman you have located is your birth mother there are many issues to consider and a first approach is probably the most important approach of all, so please get some advice from a registered adoption agency first.
You can also get free telephone advice from the Post-Adoption Centre on 020 7284 5879 (mornings except Thurs when it's open from 5.30-7.30. They also have a website www.postadoptioncentre.org.uk

kadiekaismummi

Hi, Loopy-lass,
I found my birth mother when I was 16, well, she found me actually through her old school friend of hers, who was actually my neighbour, i met her, and this left me very confused, i think originally I only wanted to meet her due to curiosity!!!!.... she was completely different from the picture i had built up in my head, different in totally all the ways i was thinking, I also found out i had a brother, which she had adopted out too! when she was 16, and had me 17 months later at 18, and i was then adopted too!, I decided I didnt want to see her again, now I Had met her, and had such a guilty feeling inside me that ate away at my stomache, it was the pain of decieving my now parents, my mum & dad and my family , I couldnt bear the hurt I now felt and felt I was causing to my family, so decided to loose contact with her, i was so confused.... I was in contact with my brother, and we got on really well, I made contact again 5 years later to my birth mother,when i married, I have never found who my real father is, as she doesnt know, as its one of 2 people, and she doesnt seem to know their last names, which I feel hurt about, as I would love to know who my father is, and to find if i have any other siblings, but I will never know, the adoption places cost too much money to find info have tried on a couple of occasions, but no help!!!..... I am still in contact with my birth mother, im now 42, and we get on well, and talk and email each other, I have 6 kids myself and love them all dearly and find it hard to understand how someone can give their child away, but we all have our own reasons and problem., Please take things one step at a time, your emotions will be running high when you make first contact, will be for both of you.......It will take time to get used to the idea of meeting her, and you will feel very confused has I did. Good Luck I hope all goes well with you, its hard being adopted but remember you are loved, and you mother had her own reasons for having you adopted, im sure all will turn out fine..... all the best x

loopy_lass

wow, thanks everyone didnt expect all these replies ;-) .... right, ill try and clarify things, sorry if it gets boring x

i have no other parents to upset, my adoptive dad died, and my adoptive mother was extremely abusive and hasnt talked to me for 3 years except for the occasional nasty letter at xmas & birthdays ..... bless the old witch ....

yes i understand my real mom might tell me to buzz off, thats fine, after all i was the 5th child she dumped!!!

i really want photos, information, dates, history etc, so if she doesnt want contact thats fine. Maybe my 4 half brothers and sisters will! (she had those to her 1st husband, left him and had me with my dad, then dumped me, bless her) my social reports say she didnt think it fair to bring me up in a flat!.....

my real dad died in 1974, and she is still at the same address with the same surname as on his death certificate.

Now the odd thing is i cannot find a marriage certificate for my mum & dad, SOooooooo another reason is..... if they werent married, he died suddenly with no will, ....... need i say more! also if they did marry, once she karks it, im the only child.... also my paternal grandfather died some years after my dad, who was an only child, so where did his chattels go?

just spoke to a trusted friend who lives 20miles away says i can use her address, no prolem, so if i should write and basically say who i am, and could she give me some history & contact details..... any suggestions of how to put things, previously i have just said i was researching my family tree, and did she have any info.... i signed it with my birth name, so she must know its me. although i only put a mobile number on the letter, i guess oldies dont like ringing "them expensive things"....

i have taken note of above sites and numbers will look into that, thanks, solicitor said £205 per hour, norcap want £140 before they even start, i just havent got it im aftraid...

its all information i would like..... does it make sense?

loops

Skippycat

Hi loopy_lass. I don't have any advice unfortunately. I just wanted to wish you good luck and I hope something positive will come from it.

loopy_lass

thanks, just to say after all ive been through in my 43 yrs i am ready for anything, whatever will be will be..... after all ive coped with finding out im half welsh and half scouse........:eek::eek::eek::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:ONLY JOKING I DONT REALLY MIND.....

I feel a little sad that all this costs so much when its so important....

loops

Errata

I guess it's only free if you go through Social Services. Sounds a tough 'un, so good luck.

Kimitatsu

Have you tried the Salvation Army Loopy? Whilst they may not help you with your Mum they could help you trace your brothers and sisters. Best of all they will ask for a donation but not extortionate amounts.

Here is the link Loopy:

http://www.look4them.org.uk/salvation-army.html

They say that they dont deal with adoptions (as in your parents) but would help you find your siblings

http://www1.salvationarmy.org.uk/uki%5Cwww_uki.nsf/vw-news/96934B33A70155DB8025743B005DA177?opendocument

Whatever the outcome, I wish you all the best.