worried about the future

shadowdragon

alfiemama wrote: »

But I feel so scared, we did what everyone suggested and talked to family who all said they supported us but now oh family only ma in laws side (as split from father in law) have said that they dont approve, so you start to doubt yourself, are we doing whats right.

If they dont approve ask them to take over paying your debts for you, its the least they can do if they are judging you!!!

Its not there life they dont have to live with the stress of it all. Its easy to be disapproving when not in that position (especially if you have never been in that position before).

Keep going and do whats right for yourself and your family, and dont doubt yourself. YOu will feel better when its all done and dusted.

alfiemama

Thanks Shadowdragon

Their problem is that we are not in debt, but we are trying to be proactive before we are, in a year and a half we will not be able to afford the hike, dont get me wrong some months are tight but as oh on commision most of the time we are ok.

The way we think is we are never going to own this house and as they wont do 100% mortgages will never be able to sell (due to prob -equity) so wont be able to stay on the prop ladder, so we may aswell live somewhere that we want to and not have to pay when something else goes wrong with it.

Anyone seen the film the moneypit (well that seems to sum up our house) when do you draw the line and call it a day.

Or does this seem drastic when we are not in debt, (we have loans and cc) but they always get paid) so I know we are kind of in debt but dont miss payments (god sorry waffling now).

Any advice welcome, as feel sick, cant sleep, feel like his family will hate me for this.

dalip

I can only echo what shadow has said. It is soo easy to judge when you are not in the said position. Sing this to them http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3QdNI-tYvsA.

We all have had doubts at some point or another and not just to do with bc.My parents had doubts about me marrying my first husband,ok so they were right:o ,but then i would not have met and appriciated my second hubby ,then would I. Things happen for a reason;) . Dx

shadowdragon

Long story turned into a short one for you of my experience with vol repo.

In appox 2000 i had a poxy cottage that I didnt want to live in and had neg equity, they missold me an endowment, I didnt know I hadnt been paying the endowment bit, as I didnt know it was a seperate bill!! I was pushed into buying by family without really thinking about it. I was young and a bit nieve.

One day I went into the Banks branch and I just handed the keys back. They were like "Are you sure you dont have any arrears or anything??" I said yup take it I dont want it anymore.

Two years later I got a bill for 12k (mortgage was 27k!!) it had been auctioned off, I went to cab they negotiated a full and final of 2k, they accepted, I payed it. And suprisingly it never effected my credit score, as 3 months later I applied for a Credit card and got one!! 4 years after the Repo I got another Mortgage without any problems at all.

Now the system may well of changed but I can only tell you what happened to me and when. Yes it was a bit of a pain in the butt having to goto CAB ect but the volo repo was a lot less stressfull than living in that house. It used to give me nightmares. I hated it.

alfiemama

Thanks Shadowdragon, that has helped me more than you think, if only we had a crystal ball, we just feel like such failures if I am honest that we were not more savvy.

People keep telling me renting is dead money and no security for the kids but how can we possibly give them the security that they need here.

Cant be good for them with damp everywhere and we cant afford to put it right.

If only some of his family would give us the support we needed, we are getting the silent treatment at the mo, but the silence is deafening, ifykwim.

Is it a good idea to contact the mortgage company now or when we have moved.

chelseabun_3

Hi Alfiemama,
Hope you're doing OK this morning. We're in a very similar situation to you regarding payment of loans and ccs - we haven't missed any payments - yet!! But this month that will change as we have reached the end of the road with using credit to pay off credit, which sounds like you haven't reached that stage.

I'm just a bit concerned about the bit I've highlighted below:

We realise that with vol repo it may not even get to br but are thinking worse case, we are going to save like mad when we move incase we are br or ccjs so that we have 6 months rent in advance (someone on here gave very good advice about contact letting agents, we did and was told 6 months in advance or a guarantor).

If you have savings when you go BR, the OR will take them in order to pay a bit off your creditors. I don't think you'd be able to keep 6 months rent's worth of savings, and if you paid it all in one go just before going BR I'm not sure whether the OR would view that as disposal of an asset?

I'm not sure of this, I'm sure others will advise.

The other thing is, if you are already in rented when you go BR (thinking worst case scenario again) you may be able to negotiate with your landlord to let you stay anyway. If you're a good tenant they might well let you continue as normal, but you'd have to check with them.

I'm really sorry to hear that your OH's family aren't being supportive, but at the end of the day if this is the right course of action for you then that's your decision to make, not theirs. You'll get loads of support on here whatever you decide, but I know family can be very difficult! :rolleyes:We're trying not to tell mine!

Take care, CBx

alfiemama

Hi ChelseaBun, Im not great to be honest, sorry about your situation

ps Dalip sorry I missed you out, thanks for all imput from everyone, everyone is so nice on here

Hmmm, yeah didnt think of this one, we think this time (house will be ok) but know that nothing is forever and if we have to move on and we were affected by the vol repo we would need to pay 6 months in advance, I wonder how we could do this, I suppose we would have to get a guarantor, but didnt want to do this as our mess type thing.

If we stay where we are we would not need to go br but surely if we are on interest only and house in ill repair we are only renting an expensive house we can never own.

what a mess, feel like crying, well to be honest I am

maxmycardagain

alfiemama wrote: »

People keep telling me renting is dead money and no security for the kids but how can we possibly give them the security that they need here.

cobblers

how much security is there in a house which could be a repo case next month?
the house is a noose for 25 years
then when youve paid for it and need care (god forbid) the council snatch it to pay for the care even if you have both worked and paid tax and Ni for all your life, what security for the kids then?
so the millions of kids in rented (private or welfare) housing are not secure?
kids (CHILDREN actually, kids are young goats) need love, warmth, food and clothing, not mum and dad stressed and at work 70 hours a week to keep a roof over their heads

the "system" needs you to work/pay tax/buy houses,etc for the continuation and propogation of "the system" because thats how it works and carries on for ever......

dalip

If in your heart of hearts you and your OH feel it is the right decision for you and your children,then do it. If your OH's family can not accept it,thats their problem not yours. I understand how it puts doubts into your mind,but only you can live your life,so live it to the best of YOUR judgement. If you do what they want now and later do go bc, they will be even more judgemental than they are now. So you really are in a no win situation with them,so do what you know is right for YOU.Dx .

MrsOstrich

Surely the OR wouldn't take the money saved if they need it to rent elsewhere?


Keep your chin up alfiemama.