Problems with guest list and FIL....

fawd1

si1965 wrote: »

Just as an aside, and this is a serious question which I don't know the answer to. How do Mediterranean countries like Spain and Italy cope with kids at weddings?. On my limited travels to Spain, they do seem far more inclusive to kids being with them during the evenings, but maybe I misread the situation?.

Unless it's a hugely informal wedding they're almost never invited. It's where the vast extended family come in handy, as there is inevitably a barrage of aunties and uncles that can do the honours and look after the kids in the evenings. Apart from any other reason, it's because almost all weddings, in Spain at least, are Roman Catholic ceremonies, which can last for hours, and not even the most well behaved child is expected to sit through it. So, the parents just get a family member to look after them. Of the 12 weddings I've been to in Spain, only one had a child at it, and even then, he wasn't invited, but his mother refused to leave him and brought him along anyway. nice to have guests like that I would think!

mjburton

lesley1960 wrote: »

never been to a wedding yet that has been spoilt by a child

Oh I have! A very close friend got married recently and they had written their own vows. A child of about three squaked and whined very loudly throughout her vows and most of the guests could not hear any of the vows. And no, the parent with the child did not see fit to take the child out or attempt to quieten it.

Your wedding day is about the two of you and what you want. If you only want certain children then that is your choice (although it may cause some ill feeling from the parents of those not invited).

If you feel you must compromise allow kids for the evening only, many would rather get a babysitter and have a drink with the couple and it is going to be cheaper for an evening of babysitting than the entire day. Once the actual wedding itself is over the kids can be quite entertaining on the dance floor.

I hope it all gets sorted without too much stress!

stationaryace

the last wedding i was at i yo-yoed between being the babysitter for OH's niece+nephew and being left on my todd for the whole of the evening reception (we escaped for the meal being seated at a different table, could've kissed the bride for that!). i saw that one coming a mile off, especially as i knew no-one else there, and since then a (relatively) child-free wedding has becom strangely appealing....


good luck with your convo

freebiequennie

we didnt want any small children at out wedding so decided only nieces and nephews during day who were aged 7yrs plus. even our best man would be bringing his 2yr old.

anyway my sister and sister in law became pregnant and when we got married babies were both 8mths old. I organised babysitters who had them in the hotel room during the day from 12.30pm til 6pm then my sister and sister in law went to collect them and they joined us for the eve. had several children in the evening as I am a childrens nurse and night nanny and babysit so know lots of families with children whom i invited.

also in our invite information I added the details of 3 babysitters should any one want to book them direct, saved me sorting it out and a couple of our guests did book direct as they wanted to enjoy the evening.

the 2 for my niece and nephew cost me £80 for 6hrs. costs vary from £6-£12 an hr depending on a person qualifications, experience and where in the country you are.

we are east midlands.

skintchick

We didn;t have children at ours as we had no space. No-one minded. Two sets of guests had babies and we said they could bring them (as it's not feasible to leave them with a sitter) but they decided not to come anyway because it would be noisy and not really baby-friendly (we had a band in the evening). Everyone else got a sitter and was happy to have a child-free night out.

As for the OP's FIL - talk to him now and tell him it's not acceptable to invite children when you've said none are allowed. You may as well put your foot down now or you'll have a lifetime of battles on your hands.

Sazzyukrafc

We're not inviting children to our wedding. The only ones that will be there are my fiance's nephews who we spend a lot of time with. I am not inviting other children because I do not really know them. Only one of my cousins has a child and I've never even seen him. A couple of my friends have children and again, I've never seen them. I don't think I should invite someone's children when I've never even met them!

Chloepad1

I agree with most of the sentiments expressed in that it is your big day and it should not be spoilt by people insisting on bringing their ill behaved, screaming offspring. I would encourage you to sit and have a calm conversation with your future FIL and gently but firmly make it clear that both you and your fiance would prefer it if there were no children present, surely he must understand that every extra head adds to the cost, not to mention the fact that if the children in question are poorly behaved then it has potential to ruin your day.