Problems with guest list and FIL....

fawd1

ok, my fiance and I decided when we got engaged that we didn't want any children at the wedding as we don't have any ourselves and to be honest we've been to too many of them where they were just a pain. Anyway, my future FIL wasn't hugely happy about this, because his side of the family is small so he wants everyone to be there. however, as we told him, we can't have two different rules, and I have a huge family so if kids were invited, we'd see our guest list go from 100 to about 200. Anyway, thought it was all settled, using word of mouth to let people know before receiving the invites that kids wouldn't be allowed (so it wouldn't come as so much of a shock). However, when my mum got the list of guests from future FIl, (bypassing us completely) he had included all the children from his side of the family anyway! Luckily my mum wanted to know who everyone was before she sent the invites out, so i got to take a look first and start crossing out some names! So, shall I just pretend that he never wrote their names on the guest list and wait for his reaction once people receive their invites (with no children note included) or mention it now?

Horace

Really your FIL should have taken note of your wishes - if you choose not to have kids there then its your prerogative. Stick to your guns.

I would point out to him again that neither you nor your H2B want children at the wedding. Make sure your H2B points this out to his father too. Say that you want to keep the numbers down.

IWantToBeFree_2

I would mention it now, because for all you know he could have communicated to his side of the family that children would be invited and they could be expecting invites for the children. Better to iron it out now than to go behind his back, like he has done with you.

mymatebob

Perhaps you could get H2B to point out to FIL2B that perhaps he had misunderstood and only the people on the guest list were invited - not the kids.

And then if he questions it just say - NO KIDS!

Your wedding = your rules

sodajazz

Oh this may cause conflict, a few years back we were in a similar position.
A family member put a 'no kids allowed' post it to their invites, and due to babysitting issues quite a few family members decided not to attend. No bad blood intended but needless to say it caused a great divide.

I personally see weddings as a family affair and dont understand why kids would be excluded.

However it is your special day and you can have it anyway you wish, but I just think if you stick to your guns, the in laws may boycott the day, which may put a dampner on the day.

Hope you all the best with whatever you decide

fawd1

sodajazz wrote: »

I personally see weddings as a family affair and dont understand why kids would be excluded.

I can understand where you're coming from, but like I said, I have over 30 cousins and it's simply not feasible to invite all their children, and I can't just pick and choose my favourites. It has to be an all or nothing rule in my opinion and as we can't have all, we'll have to have nothing.

Krystaltips

fawd1 wrote: »

I can't just pick and choose my favourites.

Why not? It's you who are paying for the day, why should you pay for people you never see or are not really keen on?

Could you not relax the 'no children' for the evening so people only need to find babysitters for a couple of hours, or if they can't at all then they can come and celebrate in the evening? I agree with sodajazz that weddings are a family affair, all children have been invited to our wedding (personally, their names were included on the invites) and a couple of people have said they might get babysitters for the evening anyway...

If you want to stick absolutely rigid to your no child rule then I would mention it to FIL now rather than answer awkward questions later... How does OH feel about potentially upsetting his dad / wider family?

sodajazz

Oh please dont misunderstand me, I always find with any gathering it is hard to please everyone.
It is your Wedding Day and anyone you invite should respect your wishes.

fawd1

Krystaltips wrote: »

Why not? It's you who are paying for the day, why should you pay for people you never see or are not really keen on?

Could you not relax the 'no children' for the evening so people only need to find babysitters for a couple of hours, or if they can't at all then they can come and celebrate in the evening? I agree with sodajazz that weddings are a family affair, all children have been invited to our wedding (personally, their names were included on the invites) and a couple of people have said they might get babysitters for the evening anyway...

If you want to stick absolutely rigid to your no child rule then I would mention it to FIL now rather than answer awkward questions later... How does OH feel about potentially upsetting his dad / wider family?

well, if I were going to pick out the children that I never see, then that would be all of his family side anyway, I've never met a single one of them!!

And OH completely agrees with me that it's not fair to say yes to one side of the family and no to the other. With regards to his dad, I've always felt that if he really wants to widen the net that much then maybe he could chip in and pay for all of the children to be invited, as it is, he's not offering to help with anything anyway!!

december

We're only having a small wedding (35 people including us) and we were lucky really as close family and friends only have 4 little ones between them. At the end of the day it is your wedding day and as such, I would explain to your father in law to be that funds will not stretch to inviting everyone. A good compromise, as it has already been suggested, would be to invite them for the evening reception (if you are having one, and if the budget would stretch to that.) You could also state that the venue you have chosen has limited capacity......

We both have a very extended family and as such we limited day time numbers to close family and friends but said that the evening would be for all and sundry really. It has kept my mom happy and alleviates my guilt, although the numbers for it have crept up to 105. I'd rather be paying £7.50 per head for the evening that £30 for the daytime

December

Stephb1986_2

well i've just got engaged and tbh my OH's neices and nephews are little animals and dont know how to behave i dont particularly like his sister either. But im not going to have her dictate to me what I have on my day. Its a day about the two of you not what your FIL says is he paying for the wedding?? If he is maybe let him invite 1 or 2 kids if not its non of his business!!!

Im sorry but kids get bored after a few hours so why should someone have their day spoilt by some little brat.

Steph xx