Depression Support Thread

Jo_R_2

I'm feeling all here and there at the mo. Me and OH had a row earlier, nothing new but the usual I think he goes out too much and spends too much money on doing so, and what he hears is that I don't want him to go out ever and won't be happy until he stays in all the time

I've just felt rubbish ever since, I've told him I'd like him to stay in tonight (he's said to say this before if that's how I feel but he rarely takes notice) but it doesn't matter, he's gone out anyway, third evening in a row and I can just see ahead of me him only ever listening to how I feel when he wants something out of it. I've told him he said things would change when he moved in, and they haven't, he says things'll be different when baby is born but how do I know that if he's already said things will change when he moved in? He says because he's said so, I say well you say an awful lot of the "right" things but when it comes to doing stuff his actions speak louder than words... He was so nice when DDs got back from their dads after tea, he was running round after us, made tea, did washing up, played with DDs and other stuff, and I know it sounds awful to say but I know part of the reason he was doing it was because he knew he was going to go out despite me wanting him to spend some time at home and was trying to soften the blow by being overly nice, and it makes me feel so angry...

Then I stop and think, is it really unreasonable for him to go out three nights a week when he works hard all week? Apparently if I wanted to go out seven nights a week that would be fine with him if that was what I wanted:mad: Basically saying he can do what he likes because it's what he wants.

I just want to up and go away somewhere on my own, and tbh I probably would if it wasn't for knowing DD1 has to be at school in the am... My head just gets so mixed up and I honestly cannot tell what is right to feel and what isn't - does anyone else know what I mean?

beachbeth

Jo_R wrote: »

Then I stop and think, is it really unreasonable for him to go out three nights a week when he works hard all week? Apparently if I wanted to go out seven nights a week that would be fine with him if that was what I wanted:mad: Basically saying he can do what he likes because it's what he wants.

I think he is just trying to make you feel in the wrong so that he can justify doing what he wants. I don't think the amount of nights matters really - it obvious that you are unhappy with the way things are and you don't feel that he cares about your unhappiness - this is what is important.

I can't advise as to what to do but maybe you would be happier on your own rather than in a relationship that is making you miserable? Have you family who can help and who will be there for you?

shazrobo

budget_budd wrote: »

Three years ago today my brother was killed, I HATE today. I want him back.

(((hugs))),

Jo_R_2

beachbeth wrote: »

I think he is just trying to make you feel in the wrong so that he can justify doing what he wants. I don't think the amount of nights matters really - it obvious that you are unhappy with the way things are and you don't feel that he cares about your unhappiness - this is what is important.

I can't advise as to what to do but maybe you would be happier on your own rather than in a relationship that is making you miserable? Have you family who can help and who will be there for you?

This bit (highlighted) is what I think is the crux of the problem. That is, at the end of the day, we're either gonna agree or disagree on what is a reasonable amount of evenings to go out/stay in. That bit is fair enough - god I don't expect everyone to agree with me or that I'll agree with everyone about anything! It's how you handle that and work towards a compromise, and to know that other person is listening to you and understands. I feel like he listens, and to some extent he understands. What I feel so angry about sometimes (I hate feeling angry) is the words that come out of his mouth. "Things will be different when x happens - [that is] when I move in/when baby is born..." Why does he say it if he doesn't mean it? I think the answer is because he knows that if he promises things I want, he can carry on in the meantime doing something that he knows makes me unhappy, because I'll put up with it thinking at some point in the near future things will change. So I guess there's some food for thought maybe?

You know what else is sooo frustrating? He is a really nice guy. Believe it or not, he does a lot for me, he does loads of nice stuff. But this constantly comes up and the more we talk/discuss/argue about it, the more he makes me think I'm out of order. Sometimes I think, am I? Then I think, well, I'm obviously angry for a reason aren't I?

But then I think, well what do I do about it? To that I have no idea right now.

Tiff_2

Hi guys!:hello:
And welcome to Monday!
I'm sorry that some of us seem to be having a really rough time at the moment. For what it's worth, I'm thinking of you all.

Apologies to anyone who has already noticed it, but deep 888 started a thread over on the freebie board. It's a link for a free download of a meditation cd which you can save to your computer. Other posters have added links regarding downloading the cd without having to sign-up to anything, so it's definately worth a look. There's also another link from queenie for a meditation cd for children. Please make sure you read all the posts before downloading for all the information. I just thought that it might help a few of us on here right now - any port in a storm, right?
Here's the link guys...
http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=193887

Now off you all go and have a lovely Monday. Yes sazzy hunnie, anything is possible - even that!
Be kind to yourselves guys.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

Tiff_2

Hi guys!:hello:
A little something for the workers among us...

Top 10 sayings we'd like to see on those office inspirational posters:

Office Inspiration.

1. Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them.

2. If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos...then you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation.

3. Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.

4. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

5. Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity

6. A person who smiles in the face of adversity...probably has a scapegoat.

7. Plagiarism saves time.

8. If at first you don't succeed, try management.

9. Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.

10. TEAMWORK...means never having to take all the blame yourself!

Much Love,
Tiff xxx

Tiff_2

Hi guys!:hello:

Heh-heh!
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

Tiff_2

Hi budd!:hello:
Huge hugs - I'm so sorry for your loss, budd.

budd wrote:

Three years ago today my brother was killed, I HATE today. I want him back.

I know it's an awful time for you and you did well to post hunnie. By posting, you were able to see that the guys on here really cared and felt for you.

Grief comes with no set dates sadly and there's nothing that can change your loss. It's a hard, bitter event to go through and it only hurts so much because we loved them so much. I don't know your circumstances hun, and though I know it won't help, but what you are feeling is completely natural. We get through it in our own way and it's important to allow yourself to grieve.

It'll be 3 years on 2nd December, (I hate that day! I've had more then one loss on that date.), since my Dad died suddenly in hospital due to ''misadventure''. I know I'll be trying to drag myself through that day as best as I can and it will hurt but, I will do something for him that day, making it our day.

Time doesn't change feelings of grief and loss and pain, but it does help to make them a bit more manageable eventually, allowing all the good memories to come to the forefront. And that's not the same as forgetting about your loved one.

I'd give anything to have my Dad back. There are days when I feel so totally alone and heartbroken, thatI want to join him. That's not the answer, I know. Nobody who loves us and has passed over for whatever reason, would ever want us to throw away this brief moment called Life. I like to think that they are there somewhere, loving and remembering us, and watching us on our many journeys.

I can't get my Dad back but I can try to make him proud of me if possible and try to love him in my heart as though he were still here by my side. What better way to honour those we love?

And somehow, inbetween all the anniversaries of the traumas I've been through, Life has a habit of picking me up by the scruff of the neck and getting me through those days. I'm grateful for this when I have the days I smile or days when something good happens around me, days that I'm not meant to miss out on.

Sorry that this has not been much use hunnie, and it's not meant to be condescending. It's just part of my story really. I guess what I'm trying to say in my very awkward way, is that I can understand your grief and that it's at times like these that we really need to be kind to ourselves. I think that all your brother - and my Dad - would want us to do at these awful times, is to love them and to know too, that they loved us.
Thinking of you hun.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

beachbeth

Tiff wrote: »

I can't get my Dad back but I can try to make him proud of me if possible and try to love him in my heart as though he were still here by my side. What better way to honour those we love?

I agree that this is the best way to honour people we have loved and lost. It must hurt so much to lose someone close, especially on the anniversaries, but they wouldn't want us to suffer. I know I would hate to think my loved ones were having a bad time if I should pass on - I would just want them to remember the good times with me and think about me in this way.

Tulip

:hello: Everyone,

Morning *hugs* Budd.I am out later today to a pub to see friends and have lunch then karioke

I hope you all have a lovely day


*hugs* to those that need one


love and light,

Katie xxx