ex and would be ex-gamblers support thread

cantcope

Hi Boney. Welcome to the thread. Are you gambling online? If you are, the first thing to do is put a block on the pc. you can use Gamblock, costs about £30 a year, or put on a childlock and get your OH to choose a password. I live alone so my dad put a password in for me.

I Use K9. It's free and we just chose to block all gambling sites.

Don't try to analise why you do it too much, from my own experience, and others, this wont help. Have a look on the gamblers anonymous website. Maybe go to a meeting.

Regardless of whether you do this all the time, you definitely have a gambling problem and need help. I have a "binge" gambler at my meetings. He used to only gamble twice a year but did more damage in 3 years than some people had done their whole lives.

Good luck and feel free to post as much as you like. Believe me, it helps to get your frustrations out.

cantcope

boney10021 wrote: »

Just tried to consolidate my loan and had it turned down - not suprising really - bit of a risk aren't I? Now I really dont know what im going to do -

You don't gamble again and pay it off. If you cant afford to do this get yourself onto the debtfreewannabe board for excellent help and advice.

GeorgeUK

Boney, getting turned down for a consolidation loan may not be a bad thing - it often costs more in the longrun.

I'd advise starting a new thread on the DebtFreeWannabe board and asking for help - there are lots of tips and tricks to get the debt down if you can afford the minimum payments.

I would advise using gamblock or K9 though - just to make sure there is no going back to the gambling. Close down all your gambling accounts and then get blocked from accessing any gambling sites.

It's not worth the risk - you know you could lose more than just money.

KPR11

Hi Folks,

Just discovered this thread and if there is one thread that I should be on is this one since I am an ex-gambler (and I am hoping this continues to be the case for the rest of my life). I falled off the wagon so many times that I have lost track now.

I grew up in Africa, a land where you don't need any IDs or anything like that - a land where the legal smoking age is 18 but a cop will be buying fags from a 10 year old, so no surprises when I discovered gambling at a very young age (around 15ish) and by the time I was 17 I was pretty much a full time gambler.

I started off playing the poker machines (at a small gambling shop for a lack of a better word) where I would make a killing and then spend it lavishly on girls and booze and keep some as "capital" for next time and the cycle would continue. One day a friend of mine introduced me to Blackjack and that was it - my life turned on it's head. I would spend hours at either the gambling shops to make my capital to take to the casino or just be at the casino playing away when I should have been at school or studying. Things were still going ok, overall I was still up and I had an equivalent of thousands of pounds which I !!!!ed away.

Then I moved here for uni and things started getting worse, some days I would make thousands and the next I could be losing thousands. I gambled all the money, maxed out my credit card (only had a small limit of £500) and I started borrowing short term loans from a few friends - which I would repay using my next pay cheque and the remaining pay would go towards gambling. I only went to uni maybe once a month and for exams only despite paying international fees. I had no transport money as I had gambled it away, luckily I lived with my brother and he didn't charge me rent and food was free.

Then 3 and half years ago, after my second year at uni, I secured a placement to work for a really good firm in a different city and had promised myself that I would not gamble a penny which I didn't for a couple of months. My office was a couple of minutes away from a casino so I guess I was never far from temptation. I resisted but the devil was to get me, one day thought to myself "hey, you are doing remarkably well, I can bet you that you could go in there and not gamble" and that was it (and that's how it has always been, once I go in I can't stop). I went in looked around and I said I can be a responsible gambler and play £20 for fun and walk away. £20 became £50 and walk away I did 7 hours later with £2,500 in my pocket. Here I was a lad of 20, earning just £15k pa before tax and now I had just won £2,500 in 7 hours. Memories of Africa started rushing back and I started again. The story continued as before I could win anything between £2,000 and £5,000 or drop just as much or till I run out of cash and then start again (win - lose - win - lose - win). This continued till a week before christmas 2006 when I went in as normal with about £250 and left with £40,025 (had always believed in round numbers, which was always my downfall, but not this time because I needed the £25 for cab and food).

Got home and I thought to myself absolutely brilliant I quit gambling, this will sort me out nicely for my last year at uni and a head start in life. Quit I did, for a couple of days whilst I was on a spending spree - but for some reason I couldn't get myself that much as I kept finding things "expensive". Then on Christmas eve I went into a casino and dropped £5k in 10 mins. At the end of it thought am never gambling. Next day my ego took over me and I started thinking if I can make £40k from £250 then surely if I had £500 I could easily make £5k at which point I will stop. I went online to ladbrookes and lost a cool £20k in a matter of mins. I gambled away the rest of the money and my Dec wage before new years.

Got back to work in the new year and I just could not take my mind of gambling. My work was getting affected since I was at the casino till the early hours without eating much or sleeping much. And I was heavily losing money - hell I was burning money. Before long I was borrowing again, not from friends this time but any credit provider who would give me debt and as much of it as possible. I was applying for credit virtually everyday. All the credit I got was being gambled away. I was gambling more and more to ease the debt. Needless to say depression kicked in and I tried chucking in the towel so many times but didn't work. I was put on anti-depressants and was signed off sick for a couple of months. Went back to work and went AWOL within a week, was signed for another couple of months and then went AWOL again. This was the final straw for my employer, I got kicked out. An excellent job !!!!ed away.

In the meantime I continued gambling, no one would give me credit but I was determined to gamble so discovered pawning and payday loans! I had payday loans with no less than 5 companies and sub-prime loans with another 5 or so except I had no pay per say!

I also discovered that the casino i went to took credit card cheques and cheques I wrote cheques (with CGC) for close to £3k in a space of a week and the casino took them because of how much I gambled. These were cheques which I could not cover (at this stage I should say thanks HSBC for not pressing charges of fraud against me, appreciated )! Needless to say I was in rent arrears.

Long story (or a rather very long story) short, it was meant to catch up with me and my brother found out. S**t hit the fan and he was livid but after he cooled down he really did help me sort things out (thanks brothers - you really are my heroes :A). At a ripe old age of 21 I owed close to £23k (I owed HSBC around £4k on two accounts when I didnt even have an o/d facility with them, owed Natwest £2k on a £1k od, I had £2.5k in payday loans maturing, I had £15k of sub-prime loans).

My brothers helped pay off all the debt and re-organise it so that I was not paying OTT interest (one loan had a 29.9% apr :eek:, re-organised to loans with 4% and 6%) and be able to be debt free asap.

I made real progress, was back at uni and did well for a couple of months and then fell off again. I was doing the right things, taking my pills, seeing my counsellor etc. One day my consellor thought it would be a great idea to tell my gf of the time, who knew I was depressed and all but didn't know i was gambler, why I was depressed (before anyone says anything about me being unfair on her for not telling her about my problems, well two things need to be noted she started dating me after i had dug myself a great big grave, buried myself in it and she knew i was on anti-depressants etc, and I tried to keep her away she insisted). So I poured my heart to her telling her about it and how I was dealing with it etc she seemed to listen and I thought brilliant things are really looking up but then a few days later we started having problems and it was clear on my part what the cause was! (Thanks a million counsellor) I decided to go to a casino to see I was really reformed, well I wans't!!!

One would have thought I would have learnt my rather expensive lesson - I mean surely !!!!ing away a good job with an excellent company, £23k of debt, an extremely poor credit history, and most importantly knowing that I could have ended up behind bars should be enough!

I stopped taking the pills, stopped seeing the counsellor and got up to the same tricks again. (I am really sorry bros, I know you will be heartbroken when you find out what I got up to - but I am determined you don't) I knew no one would give me credit and my brothers would not bail me out so I was careful but I was still gambling away what was left after paying off my debts and bills by working 3 jobs over summer and 2 jobs during term. Graduated, luckily got a job with the rivals of my ex-employer (how I don't know - I guess there is a God out there ) who also happen to be very close to the casino. I was steadily chipping away at my debts but that was it, no progress in life - no savings nothing!

Few months ago I had a gambling LBM so decided to give up gambling (and touchwood I have stayed away). I still get sorely tempted to go. Hell I was tempted a few times today but I know if I go in, I will not leave till I have gambled every single penny in my account. So I am learning how to control my urges to go, I start chanting "I will not go, I will not go" not just in my head but actually say it when I am outside. I guess people think I am a lunatic mumbling to myself but it keeps me away and I am hoping long it may continue.

So here I am, 24 now have only got £8,500 (of the £23k or so) more to pay off before I am debt free. Have a great OH (who knows I am in debt but does not know why. Unfortunately after my last incident I am unwilling to tell her), am a year away from qualifying as a tax accountant (all the more reasons why I should stay away from gambling) and yeah I guess trying to finally put my life back on track!

I am really, really sorry for this super long post!

Thanks for reading it and please, please be strong and stay away from gambling. As we all know, it is neither a solution to a problem or a way to make money or get out of debt. It is a way to bury one in more debt and misery!

KPR

cantcope

Great post KPR. Keep strong x

KPR11

cantcope wrote: »

Great post KPR. Keep strong x

Trying my best and I know being around people who have been in a similar situation can only help.

Thanks for the welcome!

riquelme

keep strong KPR, youre doing great, 1 day at a time buddy.

boney - take the advice already given my friend, im proof that you can lose more than money, just about to lose a marriage and gambling has played a part in that.

KPR11

riquelme wrote: »

keep strong KPR, youre doing great, 1 day at a time buddy.

boney - take the advice already given my friend, im proof that you can lose more than money, just about to lose a marriage and gambling has played a part in that.

Hi Riq,

Thanks for the support! It is indeed a case of one day at a time for me! Didn't have any thoughts about gambling today - maybe cause I did not pass a casino or a bookie! But I am determined, like I have never been before, not to gamble. I will do whatever it takes, it probably means boring updates for you guys (sorry)!!

Boney, stay strong mate I am sure you can do it!

KPR11

Hi Riq,

Just wanted to say I am sorry to have read about your marriage! I am sure things will work out great with the kids and you will continue being an awesome dad!

KPR

boney10021

Thanks all

Thinking of attending a meeting this Friday. What can I expect? I speak in public as part of my job but not on topics like this!