ex and would be ex-gamblers support thread

GeorgeUK

Hi guys, first time i've had a chance to check in here since the break.

Riq - how are you doing?
Hope it's not as serious as it sounds. Glad to see you're still not gambling though.

CJ - Make sure you close all your gambling accounts and get something on the computer to stop you accessing them. It's a helpful safety net to have if you ever have a weak moment or sit and the computer and don't even think about what you're doing until it's too late.

riquelme

george - bad day today, decided to take the day off to play with the kids so OH could work and didnt put on the 'in laws' too much, then i get hassle for leaving it until last minute to make the decision, ok she had a slight point but !!!!!! i didnt expect or deserve a reaction that i got. Feel really down and want to leave but would feel a failure as i vowed not to leave my kids like my dad left us. I am unhappy in the relationship, i think something has gone and not sure if it can come back, but im not going to gamble, its tempting but i know that its a slippery slope, its happened before, starting low stakes for a bit of fun and guaranteed by May or June this year i wouldve spent 10,000 +again.
Ive even been looking at property to rent today, thats how bad its got.

sorry to pass my misery on.

stay strong everyone, despite our problems gambling isnt the answer

TotallyBroke

riquelme ~ Please do not look on it as you being a failure if your marriage did not survive. Sometimes it is better for the children to have 2 happy parents that live apart than 2 miserable ones that live together.

Could you consider going to marriage guidance and see if talking to someone else will shed some light on what else is going on. I say what else, because you have been gamble free for a long time now and things seem to be getting worse instead of better. Sometimes talking to a person not involved can help both sides. I tried it with my gambling Ex and in my mind at the time I had the blame for our bad relationship firmly in his lap. It was only when the counsellor asked questions to make me see from the other side of the fence I realised I was also partly to blame but in a different way. Had my Ex told me I was to blame I would not have seen it. Marriage guidance didn't save our relationship but that was because he continued to gamble and no other reason. The fact you have stopped that may help you to resolve other issues.

I wish you all the best.

cantcope

Riq, i agree with TB. Marriage guidance may help, and if it doesnt at least you know you tried.
It's great to hear you say you dont want to gamble though, and that you recognise it is not the answer, just a guarantee to make you even more miserable. What a massive progression for you.

Keep strong everyone xx

flatbroke49

I read way back on this forum about a free parental site which would block gambling sites. Blue Coat K9 is the site and the advice i was given which I will pass on, is to get someone else to set the password. I was at the point of having no money, just debts, and could not afford to pay for this service. This free site was a lifesaver so would recommend it.

I am not normally a poster, more a loiterer, but have still felt that I have been helped greatly by the postings on this forum.
As an online gambler, I was lying to my husband about money, debts, ect., sneaking about using the computer when he went out or to bed. Not being able to talk about either my losses or wins, as my family and friends would have been horrified by the fact that I was gambling huge amounts of money I didnt have.
Last year I entered a dmp and I have stopped gambling. I can go to bed at night without lying awake, hoping for the one big win which was never going to happen. I am now using tips from the other forums to try and clear my debts quicker. My husband still does not know, but how I managed to keep it from him and the effects of debt, I will never know. At times in desperation, when I had lost money which was to pay bills, I contemplated suicide. That is all in the past now - I have a future to look forward to and I would say to all gamblers, that the need to face the harsh truth of what you are doing and the toil it takes on you and your family ect., is the first step and you will never look back. When I do look back, I got myself in this situation in a period of only 18 months of gambling, yet it will take at least 7 years for me to clear the debts I accrued.

Debts approx 50,000 - but working hard to get them down

cantcope

Hi Flatbroke. Really glad K9 is working for you. It's a godsend for me and does exactly what i used to pay gamblock to do. Nice to see someone got some help from our posts

It;s also really nice for others to read your story and see how life CAN get better. Thanks for posting and well done! x

GeorgeUK

Flatbroke - well done on posting and getting everything organised with the repayments. We know how scary it can get.

Riq - hope you're okay. If you need to talk or just someone to listen, you know where we are.

bigmacman

what a great thread here im a gambling addict got bout 6k of loans to pay thanks to my bad habbit. Even won 10 grand 1nce on a online slot bourght nice car and clothes ect it all went then back to same thing.Got so bad i stole from my ex work place got caught on bail from police.Its not a good thing but i been clean for a month now and that k9 thing is brilliant.
also im doing the following:
been on gamcare suggested a free conselling service
k9 installed into all computers
doing maths english and IT at college
slowly payin my debts .
its do able gamblers neva win the bookies do

cantcope

Hi Bigmacman, well done on the steps you've taken so far. I agree k9 is brilliant.

Doesnt matter how much you "win" or what you buy with it if you've spent that much anyway.
We have a saying at my GA meeting that a compulsive gambler pays for everything twice.
Once when we lose the money we have saved and again when we actually buy/pay for it,

bigmacman

good way of thinking about it and very true to be honest.pitty i didnt notice before i got into it.