ex and would be ex-gamblers support thread

cantcope

Welcome to the thread Mat.

Admitting you have a problem is the first step. I too had a large amount of savings and lost all that and got into debt. You can stop gambling if you really want to. This thread will offer support and advice. One day at a time my friend x

Just_Peachy

Hi everyone,

I am so pleased i found this thread, i have been using this site for a while and never thought that there would be a thread that would match my situation so well.

I am in huge debt and every single penny of it is down to gambling. At the moment i am two months gambling free and i am feeling great, i am working very hard on my recovery and never want to return to that hellish life i was living while gambling (the lies, the panic, the anger, frustration, constantly being on edge, constantly covering your tracks, not eating, not sleeping, snapping at people, being rude etc, etc, etc)

Anyway, my debt is a major problem in my life, i am 26 and currently rent a 1 bed flat with my partner. We would love to start a family next year, how ever that would mean we would need to move to a bigger home and i think that would be impossible. I still constantly worry about my debt and i feel like it is a constant reminder of how foolish i was due to gambling.

My credit rating is ruined as is my boyfriends, as i used both our accounts to deposit to gambling sites and when i say deposit i'm talking about £500 - £1000 at a time. I used credit cards, overdrafts and debit cards in both our names to do this. I cringe when i think about this, but i have to be honest. Our debt is now as follows:

Me: £11000 loan with natwest at 8.9%, paying back £226 a month for the next 4yrs and 9 months.
£250 on a capital one credit card, paying the minimum repayments each month at around 20%

Boyfriend:
£4350 on virgin credit card that is currently on 0% until Jan 10, paying aroun £250 a month off this
£100 on Lyods Credit card, paying minmum repayments
£1200 Lloyds overdraft, not making much payment from this at all

I earn £21k and he is sub contracted but earns around £25k, so we aren't having problems repaying the debt (although we have very little money left at the end of the month), but my main concern is when we go for a mortgage? we wouldn't be able to afford a mortgage for a few years yet, but what happens when you go for one? would they look at the activity on our bank accounts and see that i used to gamble hugely and turn us down flat, or do they only look at recent activity (hopefully i would have been gamble free a while then)

I have terrible credit rating now and can't get a loan anywhere (don't ask me how i got my loan with Natwest at 8.9% because Lloyds offered me one at 25%) i can't even get a credit card with Vanquis.
My boyfriends credit rating is quite poor, but not as bad as mine. He has recentley opened up a bank account with Barclays and doesn't use his Lloyds anymore (Lyods is where the gambling deposits went from) so Barclays does not show any gambling transactions on, if he closes his LLoyds one will this help when we go for a mortgage, or will his Lloyds one still show up? He would be happy to close his Lyods account but we need to clear his overdraft and credit card with them first.

I'm sorry to ramble, but i have thought about this for a long time but didn't ever know who to ask as i am embarrassed about the situation i have got myself into.

I hope everything i have said makes sense, if not please ask.

Thanks for listening

TotallyBroke

Welcome Just Peachy... Congratulations for being 2months into your gambling free journey.
The mortgage companies will not know what you have spent the money on, just that you have spent it and possibly stretched yourselves to the limits. You will need to concentrate on reducing the debt asap so that you both meet the lending criteria better. Can I suggest that you start doing this now before you even consider having a family. You will need to seriously reduce the level of debt you both have and also put in some serious savings as a deposit on a property.
Talking from your partner's perspective you will also need to build trust again too.
Have you posted up a joint soa and had people look over it to try and maximise your spare cash to pay off the debts sooner.
I wish you all the luck in the world in beating this together. Stay strong and remember we are all here to help. We are also here to help your OH if he ever feels the need to let off some steam, everyone here was great to me when I needed the comfort.
Good Luck and Welcome again

TotallyBroke

Welcome Matt5664 good to see you have self excluded yourself. Continue to do so, pop here if you feel that you may stray and read some of the posts. By the time you've read some it'll be time to go to sleep lol

Just_Peachy

Hi Totally Broke,

Thank you so much for the reply. I haven't posted a soa yet, infact i'm not sure what one is or where i would post it? Sorry, i am new to this part of the forum.

Thanks for the support though, it means alot

JP

GeorgeUK

HI JP

It may be worth starting a new thread in the DFW forum and posting up a statement of affairs. You've stopped gambling, which is great, but there may be other areas where money is being wasted that you can utilise better.

I would also call the banks to confirm how much is owed and at what rate. When you deposit to a gambling site from a credit card, this is a cash advance and can be 10% higher than the normal purchase APR. When you repay money to the banks, they usually take it off the lowest APR on the card so that they get more interest out of you.

http://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html

As long as you are meeting the repayments, i would advise not closing any creditcards - although the better 0% balance transfer offers come with new cards, you can sometimes get a balance transfer offer as an existing customer but without a credit check. This is what i have done to get my balance down and why i still have the RBS and HBOS cards - once a BT offer comes to an end, i will try to transfer to one of these cards. It may be 0% for 6 months or a low APR for life of balance transfer, but it's alot better than paying some of the normal card rates - and if you have higher cash advance rates on the cards, you want to get this moved asap.

Another part of the soacalculator is the snowball calculator - this will show you the best way to make the repayments so that you are paying as little interest as possible and dealing with the debt in the most economical way - as well as telling you when you will be debt free. Although it is usually best to pay the minimum to all debts and throw everything else at the highest APR, you should also be looking at the BT offers i mentioned earlier - if you have maintained payments to a card which has a low balance with a limit you may be able to make use of for another debt (if you get an offer), then clear this first.

You'll be able to get lots of advice and support on this site so if there's anything you're wondering about, just shout out. I wouldn't think about a mortgage right now, but the banks will be looking at the balances, not what it was spent on.

Matt - Well done on stopping, but i agree that you need to stop looking back and start looking forward. That was one of the things that caused me to fall off the wagon at the very beginning. I suggest you follow the advice above too and both of you be aware of when you may be feeling more inclined towards gambling and what may be triggering this. That was a key element i had to work out before i could let it go and focus on gettign everything sorted without being tempted back.

mystery_man_3

I have just discovered this thread and decided to post (under a different user name as still prefer anonymity as post here regularly under a different user name)

I too am a compulsive gambler but thankfully haven't had a bet since 1994- fruit machines were my addiction and nearly ruined my life and education when I was a student. Thankfully in 1994 I went to a Gamblers Anonymous meeting and apart from one small slip not long after joining have been bet free since then- it's been tough at times and temptation does rear its ugly head once in a while but thankfully I have never succumbed- as I have too much to lose these days and know that the first bet is the start of a slippery slope to much much worse.

I have not had a chance to readthrough all of the pages on this thread but can throughly recommend to those of you suffering with this awful addiction is to get along to a GA meeting- they certainly help me stay away from a bet- one day at a time

Ames

Wow, 15 years, well done! I think that makes you the longest gamble free person on this thread!

cantcope

Hi Mystery man. Thanks for your story. Hopefully it will inspire someone on here just starting out. I know I couldnt do without my meetings as they keep me strong.

GeorgeUK

I failed _pale_

I bought some lettery tickets on Friday for the Euromillion rollover - i rarely buy a ticket, but thought it would be okay. I had an ancient online account and used this, but put a little too much in and spent the remainder on scratchcards - then spent some more.

I've still got savings that i am using as a buffer incase anything happens, but can't believe i just went ahead with this. It was pure greed. I have been focussing so much on my debt recently and i think i was just looking for an easy way out.

Totally stupid.

I need to focus more on solutions and not the problem. In other words, get my head out my asre and not feel so sorry for myself.

Sorry guys.