Anyone else not changing their name?

sal-ad_daze

My daughter is a teacher so her pupils know her as miss 'daze', she's just recently become engaged and was blown away when her lovely fiance said that he didn't mind changing his name if she wanted to keep hers! She's considering double barrelling it but isn't sure, they've got a while yet to decide!
Meanwhile darling son and his girlfriend are about to present us with a grandchild, initially she agreed that the child would bear his surname as he'd agreed to middle names with a religious conotation (she is, he isn't) but now she's talking of double barrelling it. Thing is both names are quite long and, if they stick with present first name, the full name will be 37 letters long, not including the hyphen!
Something to consider?
BTW I have been married 26 years, brought up by grandparents it never occured to me not to change my name!!!

brazilianwax

Gangstabird wrote: »

I changed mine as in my opinion, we were becoming a family, together. Gave me a sense of belonging. I rather liked this and it's a lovely tradition. Knowing that any future children would also bear the name from this union was great too.

Couldn't care less what anyone else did. However, had my then partners name been 'John Crustpants', I may have changed my mind and insisted that DH change his name to mine.

Yet another tradition from Great Britain is deemed politically incorrect as we are bought and sold. Utter stupidness IMHO.

And of course, you're entitled to your opinion. Interesting choice of words though - 'belonging'.


My compromise would have been to choose a whole new surname. OH wasn't keen on Minogue, so we kept our own names!

My father walked me up the aisle, but I was not 'given away'. As much as I adore my dad, I did not belong to him, in the same way that I don't belong to my OH.

I did feel that really strongly and so I broke the tradition.

Molanole

I'm either keeping or double-barrelling. Nothing feminist about it, I just like my name. It reflects the little bit of Irish heritage I have. If I take H2Bs name I'll be gaining a surname that something like 1 in 4 people have already and I'll also have the same name as one of the spice girls. I don't want such a common (in the sense of lots of people have it) surname.

That said, H2B is also considering double barrelling with me as he really really needs to cut the apron strings and this would give out a strong message!

karen_newcastle

I wasn't sure what I was going to to last year when I got married. But at the last minute I decided to change to my husbands name. I really liked the idea of being 'Mr and Mrs........' but there are downsides. I found it very difficult remembering that I was called something else and even now 12 months on I still sometimes sign my maiden made :rotfl: .

At the end of the day its totally up to YOU what you call yourself and everyone should respect your decision.

The fashion is for doubled-barrelling these days which is fine by me but I always wonder what happens in 20-30 years time when Miss Wright-Ponsonby meets Mr Scott-Webster What will they so LOL!

ncgirl

I respect people's decisions with regards to changing their names (or not). I however love my surname which confirms my Hungarian heritage and could not imagine swapping it at all. I do have to laugh however when people talk about tradition as a reason for changing their names. Surely that goes out of the window when people are having sex/children/living together before marriage. These things were thought of a traditional as well at one time, but I bet not many people can say that they have followed on this tradition in this day and age.

TiTheRev

I apologise in advance if my post offends, but not for my beliefs, I am a traditionalist and Christian and cannot believe the lack of males on this forum standing up for themselves!

It's all about submission to the figure head of the family. And I dont mean that in a derogatory way, it's not an ownership thing and it's not a 'transaction' as has been quoted before. The bible says that "Where there is unity, it commands a blessing from the Lord", but how can you expect that blessing when you will not 'unite' with husband as one name? Some of you have scarily said 'It saves changing back when you get divorced' :shocked: Do you honestly go into a married expecting it to end in divorce?!? If you go into a marriage liking your OWN name, your OWN identity, your OWN house/car etc are you really giving yourself to that marriage?! Part of getting married is the 'becoming one' process, and that means physically, emotionally, financially...

One of the previous posters stated that he would not marry his GF if she refused to take his name, I can empathise with that, it's like starting a marriage with the wife almost denying the man as part of the relationship.

This is part of an ongoing discussion and I hope to carry that on, but please refrain from name calling

Callisto

I can't wait to change my surname, but it is my stepdad's surname and we've never really got on that well. Don't like the name in general, have to spell it out constantly!

OH has a lovely surname and I agree with the previous post from Gangstabird that having the same name creates a sense of family and unity... I have no problem with women keeping their own name or double barrelling, but it will be a happy day for me when I'm legally Mrs A!

claireac

TiTheRev wrote: »

ISome of you have scarily said 'It saves changing back when you get divorced' :shocked: Do you honestly go into a married expecting it to end in divorce?!? If you go into a marriage liking your OWN name, your OWN identity, your OWN house/car etc are you really giving yourself to that marriage?! Part of getting married is the 'becoming one' process, and that means physically, emotionally, financially...

I have to say I agree with all of this, but that may be my Catholic upbringing and Convent education!

Having been married once before, it is completely and utterly a union of two people in every way possible. Unfortunately mine spectacularly failed, but only after 15years on trying very hard.

My df is the most wonderful man I have ever met, and I will be proud to take his name. The thing is, he's not even that fussed about it, and would quite happily have taken mine!! Our daughter does have his name, and so we will all become H***'s to save her any confusion. It's a whole lot shorter and easier to spell than my maiden name (went back to it after divorce) which is Manx.

ncgirl

The bible says that "Where there is unity, it commands a blessing from the Lord",

I am having a civil cermony which in my opinion has nothing to do with religion. I am an atheist and I am marrying for love as I have met the man I want to spend the rest of my life with and we want to solidify our commmitment to each other through marriage. We regard each other as equals and we both go out to work and earn money, there's no "head of the household". We're not even sure we want to start a family in the future, all we know is we want to go through our journey in life together, I don't think I need to change my name to do this.

TiTheRev

ncgirl wrote: »

The bible says that "Where there is unity, it commands a blessing from the Lord",

I am having a civil cermony which in my opinion has nothing to do with religion. I am an atheist and I am marrying for love as I have met the man I want to spend the rest of my life with and we want to solidify our commmitment to each other through marriage. We regard each other as equals and we both go out to work and earn money, there's no "head of the household". We're not even sure we want to start a family in the future, all we know is we want to go through our journey in life together, I don't think I need to change my name to do this.

...and that is entirely your decision to make, I am merely trying to balance out the discussion. I can't say that I agree with it, but as much as I have beliefs of my own you are entitled to your athiest beliefs.

Would you not agree though, that society has gone somewhat downhill since ignoring its Christian roots though?! A slight aside I appreciate, but still a question valid to the topic at hand!?