pania's finding the courage for once in my life diary

Snaggles

Helloooooo lovely lady! :wave:

I'm really pleased to see you 'properly' back. It's not been the same without you.

bank_of_slate wrote: »

"So I need to find from somewhere the courage to live my life, to follow my dreams and aspirations"


You've hit the nail on the head there Pania, you should write that bit down on a piece of paper and carry it with you everywhere!
I shall be following your diary, welcome back!
...Linda xx

I agree with this, except I think you should just alter it slightly to say 'I have the courage to live my life, to follow my dreams and aspirations'.

hypno06

Ah, but Snaggles, I forgot to ask P today if they sell Jaffa cakes in Kuala Lumpa....it could make all the difference to her decision......


**off to google jaffa cake suppliers in Malaysia**

ZTD

pania wrote: »

Hellooooo everyone me again!!!

:hello:

pania wrote: »

Frstly apologies for vanishing for a while a way back, i had one of those "I need some time out" moments if you get my drift.

So here i am back, feeling a little wibbly about things and trying to get finances back on track.

For those who've not read this before i am a mortgage advisor working for a tossy company. I live in Norfolk with my pain in the butt OHish!!!:rolleyes: I have looooads of debt and am easily distracted from intent pursuance of debt repayment by people that seem to enjoy knocking me off the path i am trying to follow.

So, a bit of an update... Firstly the best thing:D my debt at the end of august will be down to sub 23k:j :j I cannot remember the last time it was down that low, and although no single debt has yet vanished into the ether I have decreased my debt dramatically from the 41ish k it started at in 2004. :T :T :T . sub 20k is sooo within sight now and 2 of my debts are now below the £1000 mark so I am pretty happy and chuffed that it is that low.

You should be overjoyed. That is damn good going.

pania wrote: »

I went to london for an interview on weds to work for a company out in malaysia... all the hints on the hints on the day were very positive and encouraging so waiting to hear from that. Will i go if i get offered it? now there is the question.

I was speaking to a well known dfw'er earlier today and said that throughout the last 4 years i have had so many opportunities i have let go for want of the courage to do things. i had the opportunity to go to Nz for a year in 2005 but allowed myself be talked out of it. I had the opportunity to go to NZ again in March of this year but didn't have the courage to leave OH and go. OH (for want of a better term) has now wheedled his way back into the house, as i don't have the courage to tell him to go again...

Anyone see a pattern developing here?:rotfl:

Oh yes...

pania wrote: »

So I need to find from somewhere the courage to live my life, to follow my dreams and aspirations, to not let opportunities pass me by and to grab them by both hands. :T where i shall find it from who knows? but i am holding myself back so much and dread waking up in ten years time married to someone that i do not love, with children and a mortgage and realising all the opportunities have gone for good.

But *why* are you holding yourself back so much. What exactly do you fear? What consequences do you think are round the corner?

pania wrote: »

This diary will be mainly about debt busting:beer:
However it will also be about me trying to challenge myself, to follow my dreams to do all the things that i want to do and not let any bugger hold me back...:cool:

Good.

pania wrote: »

so thats that for now. i have 2 amazing opportunities at my feet right now.
1) working in malaysia and if that doesn't work 2) canine instructors course.

Watch this space for which direction on this wandering path i end up following!!!;)

Thanks for reading if you made it this far.

love you all!

P

XXXXXXx

Remember though: Start doing things for you... :kisses3:

Snaggles

We can send them to her if not.

hypno06

Snaggles wrote: »

We can send them to her if not.

I think we will need to - I couldn't find anything on google.....

at least they are not heavy so the postage shouldn't be too much!

redsquirrel80

Do they have Red Bull though? Or do we have to organise a dedicated pipeline from the UK?

Ches

Hi hun. Glad to see you are beginning to come out of that corner fighting. Please don't be scared of taking calculated risks. My old mum always used to say 'making a decision is never wrong because unless its life threatening it can always be reversed. The crime in life is not making a decision at all'. Put that lippy on lovie and go for it.

Merlot

pania wrote: »

Hellooooo everyone me again!!!

Frstly apologies for vanishing for a while a way back, i had one of those "I need some time out" moments if you get my drift.

So here i am back, feeling a little wibbly about things and trying to get finances back on track.

For those who've not read this before i am a mortgage advisor working for a tossy company. I live in Norfolk with my pain in the butt OHish!!!:rolleyes: I have looooads of debt and am easily distracted from intent pursuance of debt repayment by people that seem to enjoy knocking me off the path i am trying to follow.

So, a bit of an update... Firstly the best thing:D my debt at the end of august will be down to sub 23k:j :j I cannot remember the last time it was down that low, and although no single debt has yet vanished into the ether I have decreased my debt dramatically from the 41ish k it started at in 2004. :T :T :T . sub 20k is sooo within sight now and 2 of my debts are now below the £1000 mark so I am pretty happy and chuffed that it is that low. I have also over the last 2 paydays been able to pay halifax back my £120 overdraft that they decided to whip away from me with no notice so therefore no interest to pay there anymore :j

I use all of the usual methods of raising extra.. i quidco and pigsback (nearly at my frst voucher:D ) I matched bet when i have the spare money to be able to do so and have earnt £92 from ebay this month.

Due to the mortgage market being the way it is currently my salary has taken a massive tumble over the last few months so additional money hasn't gone on clearing debt but more on keeping my vastly expanding petrol budget afloat. I have also, quite proudly nearly managed to pay off a car i bought from a family friend and after this months payment have one more to go:j this has all been done with work expenses that really give a boost to my salary.

I've had untold problems with my boss at work since i started with the company to the extent that he is now known as tosserboss between me and my fellow dfw's. 3 weeks ago he told me completely out of the blue that he didn't think i'd got what it takes and he was recommending my redundancy from the company asap. I was sooooo angry. and i haven't seen that anger in me in many a year. and i fought, hard, as i knew it wasn't right what he or the company were trying to do. I spoke to the CAB i saw an employment lawyer and i made it clear i wasn't going to take the situation lying down as he clearly expected me to.
The bottom line is that i have been exhonerated and it has been accepted that i am not the worst performer in the company by a long shot and i can stay. I am looking for new opportunities and as soon as i can i will be out of there (finances dependant of course) so i need to keep this in mind when sorting my finances out on a month to month basis.

I went to london for an interview on weds to work for a company out in malaysia... all the hints on the hints on the day were very positive and encouraging so waiting to hear from that. Will i go if i get offered it? now there is the question.

I was speaking to a well known dfw'er earlier today and said that throughout the last 4 years i have had so many opportunities i have let go for want of the courage to do things. i had the opportunity to go to Nz for a year in 2005 but allowed myself be talked out of it. I had the opportunity to go to NZ again in March of this year but didn't have the courage to leave OH and go. OH (for want of a better term) has now wheedled his way back into the house, as i don't have the courage to tell him to go again...

Anyone see a pattern developing here?:rotfl:

So I need to find from somewhere the courage to live my life, to follow my dreams and aspirations, to not let opportunities pass me by and to grab them by both hands. :T where i shall find it from who knows? but i am holding myself back so much and dread waking up in ten years time married to someone that i do not love, with children and a mortgage and realising all the opportunities have gone for good.

This diary will be mainly about debt busting:beer:
However it will also be about me trying to challenge myself, to follow my dreams to do all the things that i want to do and not let any bugger hold me back...:cool:

until i hear about this job it is quite hard to set long term goals but in the short term i shall start with these

1) go back to the gym
2) Loose a stone in weight
3) Do one thing new every week (painting, dancing, anything.. the world is my [strike]clamshell[/strike] i mean oyster:D

4) pay a little money per day off a debt (thanks ehallet:beer: )

so thats that for now. i have 2 amazing opportunities at my feet right now.
1) working in malaysia and if that doesn't work 2) canine instructors course.

Watch this space for which direction on this wandering path i end up following!!!;)

Thanks for reading if you made it this far.

love you all!

P


XXXXXXx

Evening Pania,

I do hope things work out for you, especially the job in Malaysia. I could pop round and tell your OH to S*d off, would that help?

You are one special person:D , I know that, you were brilliant when MOT was having problems etc, and if there is anything I can do for you ever, you just press my PM button and I will do all I can.

Keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you.

Merlot.x.

hypno06

redsquirrel80 wrote: »

Do they have Red Bull though? Or do we have to organise a dedicated pipeline from the UK?

**goes to google pipeline laying companies**

System

Hi Pan, truly inspiring. I wish you luck when you receive your good news next week. Be yourself! Len x

The only way to get what you really want, is to know what you really want.
And the only way to know what you really want, is to know yourself.
And the only way to know yourself, is to be yourself.
And the only way to be yourself, Pan, is to listen to your heart.

x