pania's finding the courage for once in my life diary

pania

Hellooooo everyone me again!!!

Frstly apologies for vanishing for a while a way back, i had one of those "I need some time out" moments if you get my drift.

So here i am back, feeling a little wibbly about things and trying to get finances back on track.

For those who've not read this before i am a mortgage advisor working for a tossy company. I live in Norfolk with my pain in the butt OHish!!!:rolleyes: I have looooads of debt and am easily distracted from intent pursuance of debt repayment by people that seem to enjoy knocking me off the path i am trying to follow.

So, a bit of an update... Firstly the best thing:D my debt at the end of august will be down to sub 23k:j :j I cannot remember the last time it was down that low, and although no single debt has yet vanished into the ether I have decreased my debt dramatically from the 41ish k it started at in 2004. :T :T :T . sub 20k is sooo within sight now and 2 of my debts are now below the £1000 mark so I am pretty happy and chuffed that it is that low. I have also over the last 2 paydays been able to pay halifax back my £120 overdraft that they decided to whip away from me with no notice so therefore no interest to pay there anymore :j

I use all of the usual methods of raising extra.. i quidco and pigsback (nearly at my frst voucher:D ) I matched bet when i have the spare money to be able to do so and have earnt £92 from ebay this month.

Due to the mortgage market being the way it is currently my salary has taken a massive tumble over the last few months so additional money hasn't gone on clearing debt but more on keeping my vastly expanding petrol budget afloat. I have also, quite proudly nearly managed to pay off a car i bought from a family friend and after this months payment have one more to go:j this has all been done with work expenses that really give a boost to my salary.

I've had untold problems with my boss at work since i started with the company to the extent that he is now known as tosserboss between me and my fellow dfw's. 3 weeks ago he told me completely out of the blue that he didn't think i'd got what it takes and he was recommending my redundancy from the company asap. I was sooooo angry. and i haven't seen that anger in me in many a year. and i fought, hard, as i knew it wasn't right what he or the company were trying to do. I spoke to the CAB i saw an employment lawyer and i made it clear i wasn't going to take the situation lying down as he clearly expected me to.
The bottom line is that i have been exhonerated and it has been accepted that i am not the worst performer in the company by a long shot and i can stay. I am looking for new opportunities and as soon as i can i will be out of there (finances dependant of course) so i need to keep this in mind when sorting my finances out on a month to month basis.

I went to london for an interview on weds to work for a company out in malaysia... all the hints on the hints on the day were very positive and encouraging so waiting to hear from that. Will i go if i get offered it? now there is the question.

I was speaking to a well known dfw'er earlier today and said that throughout the last 4 years i have had so many opportunities i have let go for want of the courage to do things. i had the opportunity to go to Nz for a year in 2005 but allowed myself be talked out of it. I had the opportunity to go to NZ again in March of this year but didn't have the courage to leave OH and go. OH (for want of a better term) has now wheedled his way back into the house, as i don't have the courage to tell him to go again...

Anyone see a pattern developing here?:rotfl:

So I need to find from somewhere the courage to live my life, to follow my dreams and aspirations, to not let opportunities pass me by and to grab them by both hands. :T where i shall find it from who knows? but i am holding myself back so much and dread waking up in ten years time married to someone that i do not love, with children and a mortgage and realising all the opportunities have gone for good.

This diary will be mainly about debt busting:beer:
However it will also be about me trying to challenge myself, to follow my dreams to do all the things that i want to do and not let any bugger hold me back...:cool:

until i hear about this job it is quite hard to set long term goals but in the short term i shall start with these

1) go back to the gym
2) Loose a stone in weight
3) Do one thing new every week (painting, dancing, anything.. the world is my [STRIKE]clamshell[/STRIKE] i mean oyster:D

4) pay a little money per day off a debt (thanks ehallet:beer: )

so thats that for now. i have 2 amazing opportunities at my feet right now.
1) working in malaysia and if that doesn't work 2) canine instructors course.

Watch this space for which direction on this wandering path i end up following!!!;)

Thanks for reading if you made it this far.

love you all!

P

XXXXXXx

lucielle

Welcome back P, have missed reading your diary, especially when you've had a drink of 3!
L

pania

lucielle wrote: »

Welcome back P, have missed reading your diary, especially when you've had a drink of 3!
L

who??? meee???? i don't beleive it... never!!!:A :rotfl:

milliemonster

Hi pania and welcome back, have missed you posting!!

pania

hellooooooooooo!! :wave:

Different_Corner

Pania
I love that you were assertive enough to challenge tosserboss, just shows that deep down you have got the oomph to get what you want.

The two career opportunities are so different that it will be interesting to see which path you follow.

Really impressed at your debt slaying.

Go for it Pania :j

DC

P.S.I'll bet you've read Susan Jeffers due to the hypno influence, but thought I'd mention it anyway

milliemonster

when do you find out about Malaysia? what are you going to do about Mr pania if you get it????

pania

Hiya DC it means a lot to me that you'd post so thank you, i hope that youa re doing ok hon and as well as can be expected in the circumstances. xx

Yes they are different, vastly different. one is a lifetime dream (the canine course) and the other too much of an amazing opportunity to miss if they do offer it. from both a debt busting and a life experience point of view.

susan Jeffers? tell me more!!!

hypno06

If I need to pack your bags and escort you to the airport......I will you know!

(anything for a quiet life :rotfl: )

Different_Corner

Pania - thanks have energy today so am doing okay.

Susan Jeffers - sure Hypnos mentioned it - here you go :
Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway: How to Turn Your Fear and Indecision into Confidence and Action .

DC

pania

Ah now hats the thing you see milly, Mr Pania and i have been having trouble for ages and actually seperated a wee while ago. he has wormed his way back into the house but has anything changed? not a jot of it. once again it comes back to the courage and being able to tell him to sling it and tbh i haven't the finances to either move house or keep this one myself right now so not rocking the boat until i do.
If they send me to malaysia then our "relationship" if you can even call it that will naturally end as a result, he is aware of my plan to go and is saying that i should.
I shoul know on Monday whether i definately have it or not and then will depart the uk on 14th september, not much time to draw breath there then!!
:D