Husband called me a thief because of my debts

Buffythedebtslayer

You are not his stupid wife, Don't talk about yourself like that. What would you say to a friend who described herself like that? huh?

He seems very controlling and you did something out of his control so he is threatened by it. You are managing the debt for God's sake. You took a risk and started your own business. it didn't work, you have sorted the debt and have a plan. you work you contribute. I am betting he doesn't do any house cleaning.

and what's this about you have many faults? I 'm sorry did you marry Jesus?

*fumes*

northernfilly

Buffythedebtslayer wrote: »

You are not his stupid wife, Don't talk about yourself like that. What would you say to a friend who described herself like that? huh?

He seems very controlling and you did something out of his control so he is threatened by it. You are managing the debt for God's sake. You took a risk and started your own business. it didn't work, you have sorted the debt and have a plan. you work you contribute. I am betting he doesn't do any house cleaning.

and what's this about you have many faults? I 'm sorry did you marry Jesus?

*fumes*

Thanks, that made me laugh - he does do cleaning tho - albeit not very good, but he has a go - so I'm not complaining. Yes you are so right, I have done something out of his control, for which I am paying a heavy price

Buffythedebtslayer

Which you shouldn't have to pay.

and I am glad I made you laugh.

((((((hugs))))))))

OliveOyl_2

I'm very sorry that you're in this situation, I've been divorced and I know that the unhappiest time of my life was in the last stages of my 1st marriage. I've always said there is no lonelier place than an unhappy marriage, because the one place you need protection from this sometimes vile world is in your own home, and if home is vile, where else can you find happiness? (i'm not saying this as clearly as I wish to - sorry)

You've been married for 14 years, is your debt older than that? Has it been run up on gambling? drinking? or clothing/feeding/making a home for yourself and your daughter, and him? He earns more than you, but he can only do that because you are supporting him, he would have to look after your daughter if you didn't - either paying or doing it himself and not earning so much.

In my opinion EVERY flippin penny that he or you earn belongs to you both. And therefore so does the debt - unless you really have put it on the horses? Separate finances are only OK if the domestic workload is split too.

Hugs(((())))) he sounds cruel.

northernfilly

OliveOyl wrote: »

I'm very sorry that you're in this situation, I've been divorced and I know that the unhappiest time of my life was in the last stages of my 1st marriage. I've always said there is no lonelier place than an unhappy marriage, because the one place you need protection from this sometimes vile world is in your own home, and if home is vile, where else can you find happiness? (i'm not saying this as clearly as I wish to - sorry)

You've been married for 14 years, is your debt older than that? Has it been run up on gambling? drinking? or clothing/feeding/making a home for yourself and your daughter, and him? He earns more than you, but he can only do that because you are supporting him, he would have to look after your daughter if you didn't - either paying or doing it himself and not earning so much.

In my opinion EVERY flippin penny that he or you earn belongs to you both. And therefore so does the debt - unless you really have put it on the horses? Separate finances are only OK if the domestic workload is split too.

Hugs(((())))) he sounds cruel.

Thanks, money does not go on drink/fags/gambling - we do neither, we don't often go out either, he does with his family maybe once a month or so, I don't go because it's men only, the money was used to buy nice things for the home, for our kids (he has 3 from his 1st marriage), and just generally doing ordinary stuff - nothing out of the norm, no big posh holidays/cars etc, he has certainly gained from the debt too, albeit that he once said "I didn't ask for any of it"?

OliveOyl_2

He does sound a bit chauvinistic.

I guess you could just sell your body to him? i.e. he has to beg you for it, and you can coax things from him for it Age old solution for women who have little control over everything else in the house........

aliasojo

northernfilly wrote: »

I want to save my marriage, but how do I communicate with a man who hurls abuse at me and makes catty remarks?

I take it you didn't like the Relate suggestion then?

northernfilly

OliveOyl wrote: »

He does sound a bit chauvinistic.

I guess you could just sell your body to him? i.e. he has to beg you for it, and you can coax things from him for it Age old solution for women who have little control over everything else in the house........

I am willing to accept all suggestions :rotfl:.

In front of friends, family, colleagues, local community etc he is the most charming, funny and a very well respected man. Maybe he thinks if they find out our 'dirty secret' it may have an inpact upon him ?

northernfilly

aliasojo wrote: »

I take it you didn't like the Relate suggestion then?

OMG sorry, did I not thank you - I do apologise, trying to get him there would be like moving mountains tho, I suppose he doesn't think there's anything wrong ???

OliveOyl_2

That can be what makes a marriage lonely, the idea that you are partners and everyone thinks of you as a couple, and yet on this subject you are pulling each other apart (you give as good as you get????) but nobody knows.