Husband called me a thief because of my debts

northernfilly

Hi,

I am a DFW and for fear of revealing my identity have had to use another name. I am really needing advice as my actions could determine mine and my daughters futures.

I have been married for 14 years, and six months ago, since I revealed my debts to my husband, my marriage has hit the rocks. I have started DMP's and things, although tight, were beginning to look better.

A few weeks ago, during a petty squabble, my husband called me a petty thief, and threw things back in my face from 25 years ago. He is never going to accept that I never deliberately set out to get myself into debt, as it was caused purely from my business collapsing and creditors owing me money. He never accepted this statement and since then, things have gone from bad to worse.

I always took pride in my marriage, and I believe in marriage for life, (he has been married and divorced before). I can't believe that the man I fell in love with is being so vile to me, I can't stop crying, have no one to talk to, my mum died 5 years ago, and I feel so totally alone. He has sent me some horrible text messages and jumps to silly conclusions when things go missing in the house - ie, small change being left on kitchen counter tops etc.

Please, please can someone tell me what to do next, I am at my wits end, and ready to walk from our marriage taking our daughter with me.

Thanks to anyone who reads this.

aliasojo

Relate.

Persuade him to go with you otherwise you and he will have no relationship left to save shortly.

Buffythedebtslayer

O hon, I am so sorry he is being so cruel.

I can't really offer any advice from experience but my instinct would be to try and get away for a few days? just to give you a break from what must be a very tense nasty situation.

Have you tried writing a letter to him - I know arguments can start from almost any conversation, to explain your situation (again).

I really don't know what else to suggest, just didn't want to to read and run

hugs sweetie

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

samtom28

Hi, newbie here,,

I can't really offer any advice, just didn't want to read and run. Thats a terrible situation, and I can only imagine how hurt you must be feeling...just wanted to say I hope you manage to work things out :kisses3:

northernfilly

Buffythedebtslayer wrote: »

O hon, I am so sorry he is being so cruel.

I can't really offer any advice from experience but my instinct would be to try and get away for a few days? just to give you a break from what must be a very tense nasty situation.

Have you tried writing a letter to him - I know arguments can start from almost any conversation, to explain your situation (again).

I really don't know what else to suggest, just didn't want to to read and run

hugs sweetie

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Thanks Buffy, I did think about writing him a letter, I've had to do that before, but he just laughs in my face and says "oh another one".

sammy115

Can you get away even if just for a few days..Could you go to a friends house! I think you need to get away and give him some space to think. Do you know why he has this reaction to debt! I mean obviously its not pleasant to be confronted with debts you didn't know existed but its not fair to throw things back in your face.

I would recommend relate even if you went on your own...

Buffythedebtslayer

Oh I hate it when people are like that. I think then maybe can you go away for a couple of days?

do you think you want to stay with him ? - you don't have to answer that here but if he keeps being so mean to you? or can you ask him to leave? obviously not sure what the situation is but I don't think it is fair to live in such circmstances.

failing all of that is there a mutual friend who could speak to him? why won't he believe you? sod. sorry.

more hugsxxxxx

knowsleyroader

I partially agree with Buffy. I'd take daughter and go off somewhere. I'd also get a new sim card and leave the old one at home so he couldn't contact me. I'd leave him a note telling him I would contact him in xxx days and his attitude better have changed or I'm out for good. It sounds like, for him, trust has gone out of the window. Can't believe he accuses you of nicking loose change! Even if you did, isn't what's his yours and vice versa?
He needs a short sharp shock. I wouldn't let him see me cry either.

annamc75

It doesnt sound like he is very receptive at the moment - there is no point trying to make someone listen who doesnt want you (you will only exhaust yourself and you owe it to yourself and your daughter to stay strong).

Give both of you a little space and wait until the anger has died down a little. Let him know that you are temporarily leaving BUT only to allow both of you to calm down and look at the situation with a clear head.

there is no point going over and over the past - you need to BOTH decide if you have enough will to build a future.

Good luck but dont waste time and energy on something which cant be saved - if it looks like this is the end of the road and you cant find some common ground to build on, focus and building a life for yourself.

northernfilly

sammy115 wrote: »

Can you get away even if just for a few days..Could you go to a friends house! I think you need to get away and give him some space to think. Do you know why he has this reaction to debt! I mean obviously its not pleasant to be confronted with debts you didn't know existed but its not fair to throw things back in your face.

I would recommend relate even if you went on your own...

Thanks Sammy, I think his reaction to debt is because his 1st wife took him to the cleaners, and i'm not her!!. He has never been in debt in his life and has a professional job. He never looks down his nose at other peoples misfortunes, if anything, he would help, but for some unknown reason, he has started to become fickle, changing his mind about things etc.

sammy115

Is he under any kind of stress at work.. Is he worried about losing his job or anything at the moment that may have an impact on the situation..