How do I make a new start? Is it possible?

scottishchick27

My impression of what the OP has said is that someone who knows her has read her post and after realising it was her, informed her OH. I don't think I would be too happy if I was her either. She may have made a mistake in revealing so much information about herself but it is easy done when you assume you are posting anonymously. I myself have posted a lot of personal stuff on this site but assumed that no-one would know my identity until one night in our local bar someone called me by my username :eek:
. It was a different board that he had found a post by me on and going by a conversation I had had with him in the pub about getting a free bottle of Moet & Chandon for complaining to the company who produces it he had worked out who I was as I had posted about it. He could have (and possibly has) looked at other posts I have made and commented to other people about it but he is a discreet kind of person so I think my secrets are safe. :rolleyes: Hope things are ok OP and it will maybe give your OH a wake up call.

paddy's_mum

Barbiegirl - I'm sorry that things have become even worse at home for you but I'm also more than upset by some of the things that you have stated or insinuated should be laid at my door. The responses of other posters in this thread makes it clear that your remarks are directed at me, especially as you would not write in an existing thread if the troublemaker was someone you know personally.

It is naive of you to say that you "wrote a few thoughts down here" as though it was some cozy coffee morning chat and that you have been betrayed by those closest to you - what you actually did was write down a great deal of information on the Internet, which has to be the most public place on earth. The world's population is currently over 6.7 billion and in theory every single one of those people could read your words, thoughts and views. You cannot truthfully say that I invented your personal details, can you?

In your opening post, you twice made mention of your previous posts and the problems detailed there. Why would anyone think that looking at those earlier posts was somehow a forbidden activity? In any case, making reference to another thread happens on this site all the time. You'll often see something like "I read on your other thread that you are ... cooking chicken for tea/going on holiday to Mauritius/expecting your second child. So far as I am aware, nobody before has ever come to believe that making mention of another thread is somehow a horrid activity, reeking of stealth and duplicity - what the heck is the reference to MI5 all about?

I have already asked you to explain what the phrase "bought [sic] this thread to the attention of my husband" means in relation to me. You may not have noticed but I'm a real technophobe - I can't do quotes, or those blue link things, nor can I add photos and yet somehow you seem to think that I'm so clever I was able to identify you, locate you and inform your husband of where he might find what you had written, and all without leaving my chair. Does that really sound likely, and in any case, why on earth should I do such a thing?

If you are so sure that you know who I am, then by all means post up my real name. There are several members of this forum who do know me personally and I have no doubt that they will be able to verify that you've got the wrong person.

You need to remember that people in this country have many rights and freedoms. You are free to express pretty much whatever you wish, short of treason. Equally, I am free to protest an unjust and baseless accusation. Perhaps when the truth of how your husband came to find out is finally revealed (was he told by someone known to you or was he checking your internet use?) you will exercise your right to come back on here and withdraw your unpleasant and unfair remarks.

I'm sorry for the sakes of you all that this has blown up in your face so badly but perhaps it is now my turn to issue 'a warning' to all mse'rs.

Don't waste your time responding to appeals for help and advice from ingrates. Your reward will be accusations of poison and spite, and all you will be left with is hurt feelings and tears.

I find I help myself when I help others. I draw comfort from the thought that my experiences in life may help someone else avoid painful mistakes and pitfalls. I shan't allow Barbiegirl's bitter and untrue comments to deflect me from continuing to do so, and I look forward to hearing the word sorry when the truth finally comes out.

ailuro2

paddy's_mum wrote: »

I find I help myself when I help others. I draw comfort from the thought that my experiences in life may help someone else avoid painful mistakes and pitfalls.

I couldn't agree more - irl it's been said to me that I look at the world through rose tinted glasses - that way of thinking has come from being on this planet for nearly 40 years, and having to put up with some pretty bad times, it makes me realise what I've got now is something to be cherished, and when bad things do happen I always look for the silver lining in the cloud. I do try to pass this thinking on to other people.:o.

However I'm not so blinkered either, and I smell attention seeking and 'pity me' posts fairly well now and tend not to bother posting much on them. Having been a moderator on another forum I know how quickly they can get out of hand once the originator realises they're not getting the answer they want. They will post another thread asking the same thing, or dredge up old posts trying to get a different answer. Inevitably the thread gets locked, or delted by the originator, or deleted by the mods when it's out of hand.

I'm glad you won't be stopping posting, PM, I enjoy your replies, whether it's here or on the other boards.

Hardup_Hester

I'm afraid the OP reminds me of a work colleague, 26 years ago she could have posted exactly the same story. She & her hubby are still together & seem to feed off the situation. I'm sorry you feel attacked PM as you obviously put a lot of thought into your reply, it just obviously wasn't the reply the OP wanted. I got drawn into my work colleagues situation for a while & tried to offer help, like you I was also blamed when the situation worsened.
Hugs

belfastgirl23

Of course it is possible that barbiegirl is addressing some other reader in her post above, one unknown to any of us, who put together all the info on the thread, realised who she was and then mentioned it to her husband? Just realised rereading this...

Apologies because I posted first on the responses to this and am worrying I might have inadvertently misled others - it was looking at your post paddysmum that I realised that barbiegirl was saying that the person who put the facts together also informed her husband so it could not have been you....

I really admire you though for taking the time to put together such a helpful and detailed response...sorry if any upset caused.

paddy's_mum

belfastgirl - thank you for your comments but really, no apology needed. You may have been the first to assume Barbiegirl's comments were directed at me, but you were not the only one by a long shot, as my PM's over this last weekend clearly show.

If there was any inadvertent blame-casting, that lies at the door of the OP who put up such ambiguous aspersions, despite having been the one who broadcast so much personal info (scattered throughout her posting history) on a world wide site and then became furious that people have brains, can read and remember and most can put two and two together! All I can say is "not guilty, m'lud" and let time prove to the OP that I had no hand in her problems. Personally, I suspect that her husband was checking her internet use and having found a clue followed it up to an inevitable conclusion.

What this thread has shown though is what a helpful, honourable and considerate lot so many mse'ers are!

Barbiegirl_2

paddy's_mum wrote: »

Good Lord - I do hope that the person referred to in your post number 16 isn't me since I did nothing more than go back over your posts to try to get a more balanced, overall picture of things and give you what you originally asked for - "offer some useful advice".

What does your phrase "brought this thread to the attention of my husband" mean? If it is me that you are referring to, by all means say so on the open forum and give me the chance to defend myself.

If I have got the wrong end of the stick, then just ignore me and forget I spoke.

paddy's mum, no I am not referring to you at all. Sorry if it sounded like that. I have never been very good at explaining things so I will try again. What I was trying to say was that someone who "knows" me so to speak and may also read this forum from time to time has shown this thread to my husband. For what gain I do not know. He printed out all the pages of everything I said and everything everyone else said. Have I explained it better this time?

In all this I wanted to make others aware that it is very easy to be found out even though whatever you are posting is seen by thousands of people you have never met.

Hope this is all fine now.

Barbiegirl_2

scottishchick27 wrote: »

My impression of what the OP has said is that someone who knows her has read her post and after realising it was her, informed her OH. I don't think I would be too happy if I was her either. She may have made a mistake in revealing so much information about herself but it is easy done when you assume you are posting anonymously. I myself have posted a lot of personal stuff on this site but assumed that no-one would know my identity until one night in our local bar someone called me by my username :eek:
. It was a different board that he had found a post by me on and going by a conversation I had had with him in the pub about getting a free bottle of Moet & Chandon for complaining to the company who produces it he had worked out who I was as I had posted about it. He could have (and possibly has) looked at other posts I have made and commented to other people about it but he is a discreet kind of person so I think my secrets are safe. :rolleyes: Hope things are ok OP and it will maybe give your OH a wake up call.

scottishchick, you have explained this better than I have. I NEVER implied that paddy's mum told my husband. I don't know her personally anyway. I didn't intend for this to be blown out of proportion. Yes I did reveal to much information without realising it which is why I wanted to let others know that it's not necessarily the best way to get something off one chest and at the time I was desperate for helpful advice that after reading other posts and getting advice on here this seemed to be the place to post....

Thanks anyway.

Barbiegirl_2

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

Of course it is possible that barbiegirl is addressing some other reader in her post above, one unknown to any of us, who put together all the info on the thread, realised who she was and then mentioned it to her husband? Just realised rereading this...

Apologies because I posted first on the responses to this and am worrying I might have inadvertently misled others - it was looking at your post paddysmum that I realised that barbiegirl was saying that the person who put the facts together also informed her husband so it could not have been you....

I really admire you though for taking the time to put together such a helpful and detailed response...sorry if any upset caused.

belfastgirl23 - your first paragraph explains exactly what happened. I was confused by paddy'smum thinking it was her fault when it clearly wasn't. You see I still don't know why this person would do this. I would never do this to anyone even if I could work out who it was. Yes, this is a public site but sometimes we all post about things without realising what information we are volunteering.

Barbiegirl_2

paddy's_mum wrote: »

Barbiegirl - I'm sorry that things have become even worse at home for you but I'm also more than upset by some of the things that you have stated or insinuated should be laid at my door. The responses of other posters in this thread makes it clear that your remarks are directed at me, especially as you would not write in an existing thread if the troublemaker was someone you know personally.

It is naive of you to say that you "wrote a few thoughts down here" as though it was some cozy coffee morning chat and that you have been betrayed by those closest to you - what you actually did was write down a great deal of information on the Internet, which has to be the most public place on earth. The world's population is currently over 6.7 billion and in theory every single one of those people could read your words, thoughts and views. You cannot truthfully say that I invented your personal details, can you?

In your opening post, you twice made mention of your previous posts and the problems detailed there. Why would anyone think that looking at those earlier posts was somehow a forbidden activity? In any case, making reference to another thread happens on this site all the time. You'll often see something like "I read on your other thread that you are ... cooking chicken for tea/going on holiday to Mauritius/expecting your second child. So far as I am aware, nobody before has ever come to believe that making mention of another thread is somehow a horrid activity, reeking of stealth and duplicity - what the heck is the reference to MI5 all about?

I have already asked you to explain what the phrase "bought [sic] this thread to the attention of my husband" means in relation to me. You may not have noticed but I'm a real technophobe - I can't do quotes, or those blue link things, nor can I add photos and yet somehow you seem to think that I'm so clever I was able to identify you, locate you and inform your husband of where he might find what you had written, and all without leaving my chair. Does that really sound likely, and in any case, why on earth should I do such a thing?

If you are so sure that you know who I am, then by all means post up my real name. There are several members of this forum who do know me personally and I have no doubt that they will be able to verify that you've got the wrong person.

You need to remember that people in this country have many rights and freedoms. You are free to express pretty much whatever you wish, short of treason. Equally, I am free to protest an unjust and baseless accusation. Perhaps when the truth of how your husband came to find out is finally revealed (was he told by someone known to you or was he checking your internet use?) you will exercise your right to come back on here and withdraw your unpleasant and unfair remarks.

I'm sorry for the sakes of you all that this has blown up in your face so badly but perhaps it is now my turn to issue 'a warning' to all mse'rs.

Don't waste your time responding to appeals for help and advice from ingrates. Your reward will be accusations of poison and spite, and all you will be left with is hurt feelings and tears.

I find I help myself when I help others. I draw comfort from the thought that my experiences in life may help someone else avoid painful mistakes and pitfalls. I shan't allow Barbiegirl's bitter and untrue comments to deflect me from continuing to do so, and I look forward to hearing the word sorry when the truth finally comes out.

paddy's mum what on earth are you going on about? Did you read and understand my post when I updated this thread? Somehow I am thinking you went by other posters opinions and thought I was directing the blame at you.

Well I don't know you and judging from your location we don't know anyone who lives in the area you do. Obviously I know it wasn't you because it was someone who was supposed to be my friend. Not only is what you posted above completely out of context but now you have everone sending you messages because they thought that I was pointing at finger at you. How silly! I'm sure if I ever do post again it will be unlikely that anyone will respond as the feeling is that I was pointing this all at you. Please read what I wrote and maybe it will be clearer. Again, I never blamed you or meant to imply this had anything to do with you!