My whole life has gone BANG

edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Marriage, Relationships & Families
83 replies 10.8K views
1356789

Replies

  • Gingham_RibbonGingham_Ribbon Forumite
    31.5K Posts
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    Excellent idea to book a holiday. I hope it helps, together with her treatment from the doctor. I hope she doens't have to wait too long to see a counsellor.
    May all your dots fall silently to the ground.
  • bank_of_slatebank_of_slate Forumite
    12.9K Posts
    10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    The tablets take a month to kick in noh so you won't notice any change for a while
    ...Linda xx
    It's easy to give in to that negative voice that chants "cant do it" BUT we lift each other up.
    We dont count all the runners ahead of us & feel intimidated.
    Instead we look back proudly at our journey, our personal struggle & determination & remember that there are those that never even attempt to reach the starting line.
  • JDMYOFANJDMYOFAN Forumite
    329 Posts
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    ✭✭
    However extreme this may sound....
    My wifes mode is always, either massive ups, or massive downs. She also worrys about silly things randomly, ie the mole is skin cancer. drinking will killer her, ditto smoking, then has a wine and a tab....

    Bipolar manic depression could be on the cards... Serious events such as this can easily trigger it.

    A member of my family has been diagnosed with this condition recently.
  • nj106 wrote: »
    However extreme this may sound....


    Bipolar manic depression could be on the cards... Serious events such as this can easily trigger it.

    A member of my family has been diagnosed with this condition recently.

    How do they go about diagnosing that ? She currently only had 4 weeks perscripton for her current medication.

    I keep thinking its bi polar like behavior as it is so random, this am she was stuck to the sofa, tonight i came in she was bouncing round happy as she had picked up holiday tickets like nothing was wrong.
  • nikki702 wrote: »
    You seem like a wonderful husband.. I hope it works out good for you all :o

    Thanks. When I was younger I played the field and treat women like toys.

    But from the moment I met my wife I always tried to be the perfect husmand, as she was the one. Which makes it harder to deal with, as I never done anything to mess her about or hurt her in the past.
  • Skint_LynneSkint_Lynne Forumite
    1.4K Posts
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    ✭✭✭
    You make sure you are looking after yourself as well whilst you are going through this. Your wife sounds as if she isn't very well, so you need to keep your strength up and focus on your wellbeing too.

    Hope things get easier for you.

    SL x
  • Wol2Wol2 Forumite
    3.8K Posts
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    ✭✭✭✭
    Hi INOH

    This was going to be a quick "subscribe" post so I can find it again. I have people for dinner and was intending to post more fully tomorrow. However now I've started :D:D

    From what you say, it suggests to me that your wife is emotionally overwhelmed with everything that has happened recently and perhaps she doesnt realise but it may be challenging her own sense of identity as a person...her rational brain is shutting down for a bit as there is just too much emotionally going on for her...and she is finding it very difficult to understand who she really is at the moment.

    I went through a very similar time between October of last year and this March. After a series of extremely traumatic events (losing my home to floods, losing my partner, losing contact with my family and existing friends , ending up in a completely foreign area where I knew no-one)....my brain went completely "out to lunch". Sitting under the duvet, not knowing what feels right or wrong, sudden mood swings and changing your mind, short term memory loss, inability to concentrate or focus on anything.......you name it, I had it.

    I found a wonderful counsellor....who helped me understand that the last year's events had seriously challenged my natural coping mechanisms and that in fact I had spent years coping satisfactorily with "challenging" people..... both family and friends...however the series of events had just been too much on top and I was left as just a bundle of raw emotions (Raw liver being squeezed through a sieve is how I now describe it)

    From what you have said...it sounds like your wife is in a similar place to where I was last year. I didn't take any medication, (althouhg I recognise for some people it can be very helpful in the early days) , instead I relied on my counsellor (and I was lucky she is very very good...a Gestalt therapist)....and I can assure you the situation was only temporary (although it didn't feel like it at the time

    You are a wonderful support to her.......it is what she needs at the moment....care, empathy and understanding...nothing challenging....and you have to let her take her own baby steps towards the light in her own time at her own pace. I would seriously suggest counselling for her (and if you PM me with where you are my counsellor will try and find someone in your area who is as good as she is!!)

    Take heart and have courage.........the prognosis is good!!

    Big hugs
    Wol2
    xx
    Flooded 20/07/07 :(.
    Normal service FINALLY RESUMED 31/07/10 :j:j
    " It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes." Douglas Adams...."or the FOS" Wol2
    Numptie groupie #2 :cool:
    Mortgage offset drawdown [STRIKE]£60861[/STRIKE]:(.... [STRIKE]£60074[/STRIKE] [STRIKE]£59967[/STRIKE] £65k 'ish 1/6/14

  • We are still waiting for the counciller the GP reffered us to.

    I am finding it hard, I have a massive project at work on, whcih I am leading. Which in a way is good as it keeps me busy, and I can delegate work, so I can be out the office if need be.

    It worrys me sick, when she says that she just wants a flat with the kids to sort her head out. she does not realise all the other stuf that goes with this.. And the mess it would cause the kids. But then the time she perks up, she says her head is just a mess and she needs to srt it out.
  • DoozergirlDoozergirl Forumite
    31.5K Posts
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    I think she's blessed to have a husband like you.

    Keep supporting her and I'm sure that in time, when she has had the proper chance to address her emotions she will remember that, and thank you.

    Chin up :o
    Everything that is supposed to be in heaven is already here on earth.
  • Wol2Wol2 Forumite
    3.8K Posts
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    ✭✭✭✭
    Needofhelp wrote: »
    We are still waiting for the counciller the GP reffered us to.

    I am finding it hard, I have a massive project at work on, whcih I am leading. Which in a way is good as it keeps me busy, and I can delegate work, so I can be out the office if need be.

    It worrys me sick, when she says that she just wants a flat with the kids to sort her head out. she does not realise all the other stuf that goes with this.. And the mess it would cause the kids. But then the time she perks up, she says her head is just a mess and she needs to srt it out.

    Hello again sweetheart

    Yes it must be a very worrying and anxious time for you....BUT.....'tis is a perfectly normal reaction for her in view of what she is going through (but doesn't help you much). All I can say is...without encouraging her to pursue this course of action....don;t discourage her either. The most important thing is that she is at the moment completely FREE without ecumbrance...to work all this out for herself in her own time. The bad news is, she may want to go through with it....but it could be just a temporary thing. (and actually most probably is).

    Yes, the the kids and the financial stuff needs to be taken into consideration and therefore it may not be possible for her to create whatever space she feels she needs to resolve this in her own head. But rather than "hitting her with the logical consderations"..you will need to find a gentler way of introducing this "barrier" to her...such that she doesn't feel you are just tryng to "stop her from doing what feels best for her" (and believe me, in this situation, any assertive negative = "everyone is against me and trying to stop me")

    Biggest tip......Just don;t take anything she say or does personally...none of this is about you, who you are, or whether you are a loving husband. You are clearly a wonderful and special human being. :A

    It is all about her perception of herself (and unfortunately she is looking at herself through other people's eyes at the moment..not all of them as loving and constructive and unselfish as you clearly are.......hence why there a lot of problems)

    It must be maddening for you that your words/actions seem to count for less than others...but at the moment, she is having to take on the whole "emotional input" from people who have influenced her while she has been growing up...and while you are clearly THE most important and stabilising factor in her life..(and she does recognise that in her own way judging from her more rational moments) ....she is just so not in a position to appreciate that at the moment....but she will..in time...given space and the appropriate support.

    Keep at it Hun...I know it's hard......but it WILL be worth it.

    And I just want to state for the record..cos sometimes we tend to lose sight.......we may be posting here to help shed light on what may be happening for your wife...but ultimately sweetheart, this is YOUR thread...you are going through some really tough times..no less than your lovely wife......and I'm sure many of us here wish we had as supporting a partner as you......so just remember Hun, we are here to support YOU....and INOH....believe me...you ROCK!!

    Please PM me with contact details if you want a chat...by mail or phone..I am happy with either. My thread is on the DFW board if you want to check it out first before you PM.......and it might be worth you visiting the Night Owls thread on the same board so they can come over and give you some more support. They have certainly been a godsend to me over the last year.

    Big hugs and really feel for you at this time
    Much love
    Wol2
    xx
    Flooded 20/07/07 :(.
    Normal service FINALLY RESUMED 31/07/10 :j:j
    " It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes." Douglas Adams...."or the FOS" Wol2
    Numptie groupie #2 :cool:
    Mortgage offset drawdown [STRIKE]£60861[/STRIKE]:(.... [STRIKE]£60074[/STRIKE] [STRIKE]£59967[/STRIKE] £65k 'ish 1/6/14

This discussion has been closed.
LATEST NEWS AND GUIDES

Balance transfer credit cards

Shift existing card debt to 0% interest for up to 31 months

MSE Guides