Housing for pregnant 17 year old

Dithering_Dad

Snooze wrote: »

I said pretty much the exact same thing on page 1 or 2 of this thread and 3 days later am still recovering from the beating I got. :eek:

Too many do-gooder's on these boards. She should just get shut of it and all the problems will be over. People are too wrapped up in their own morals and !!!!!! instead of just waking up to reality and doing the right thing for the kid.

It'll have an ASBO before it's even into double figures.

Rob

How can killing the baby be classed as 'doing the right thing by the kid' ?

Being rich doesn't automatically make you a good parent, just like being poor doesn't automatically make you a bad one.

Let's not go down the Daily Mail black and white approach to life, where single/working class parents always produce criminals and middleclass parents always produce Doctors and Lawyers.

P.s. Just because people disagree with you doesn't automatically make them wrong.

Max_Headroom_3

What this really comes down to is personal responsibility.

There are a lot of young people who think it is their "right" to do whatever, not work, have babies etc, and that the people around them (the state, family, whatever) should then support them practically and emotionally.

And unfortunately, they get it.

I personally suspect tht if girls thought that they would be really on their own with these babies, there would be an awful lot less "accidents".

beautyqueen88

dedward67 wrote: »

Hi, had a talk with them both again at the weekend and explained he will be fully responsible for supporting her and the baby and that without a job, this is going to be a difficult task. He maintains that he does want to work, but seems to be putting a lot of emphasis on a City and Guilds plumbing course. Sounds good, but it's over 5k and although there is government help, he may end up having to pay the balance. He's talked of career development loan, but doesn't know if he'd qualify as he's never borrowed money from the bank or had a credit card so hasn't got a lot of credit score! I can see plumbing may be a good trade to get into, but think he needs to get something now. When we go on holiday in a couple of weeks, he's going up to Manchester to help his dad (a window fitter), for a couple of weeks. I have suggested he contacts the local double glazing firms as he is experienced as a fitter's mate having worked with his dad regularly a couple of years back. He has said he'll do this, so I'll keep "encouraging" him. While he's not working, he has now got some voluntary work on a local church tidy up/restoration project, so I guess at least he's giving something back to the community!!

If you daughter does decide to keep the baby i hope everything goes well for her but does she really want to throw her teenage years awayso soon.
i got pregnant at 17 too, i come from a well off family, so believe me i know its not always silly chavs getting pregnant for a council house and hate the fact that statistically at the time i fit into the 'single teenage mum' category although i've never claimed any benefits in my life.
does she really want to be judged like that for the biggest part (if not all) of her life. their two young jobless people with no where to live and not in any situation to be bringing a child into the world.
She has the option to go to college then maybe even uni and really make something of herself you don't realise until after you've had the baby how hard it is especially at 17, the money situation for me was never an issue neither was having somewhere to live it was just how much freedom you lose you cant just do whatever you want anymore you have to think about the baby and plan everything in advance.
i totally hope it works out and everything but i cant even imagine how difficult it must be to bring up a child in that sort of situation, and it will deffinitly be alot of strain on the relationship have they ever lived together before? how do they know they will really get on? living together is copletly differant to just going out with someone and living apart.
do you really like the thought of your daughter being in a council house on benefits with no job and no partner trying to scrape by for the rest of her life. its a harsh reality but i would be having a serious talk to her if i was you.

beautyqueen88

Max_Headroom wrote: »

What this really comes down to is personal responsibility.

There are a lot of young people who think it is their "right" to do whatever, not work, have babies etc, and that the people around them (the state, family, whatever) should then support them practically and emotionally.

And unfortunately, they get it.

I personally suspect tht if girls thought that they would be really on their own with these babies, there would be an awful lot less "accidents".

I totally agree with you i think if there wernt any benefits at all in this country then we'd all be much more carefull about getting pregnant 'acidentally' and we'd all have to work because we'd have no choice.

in my case i've always known subconciously that whatever trouble i got myself into my parents would always support me and have the money to throw at whatever to bail me out.
which is terrible i admit but i know they'd never leave me in the !!!!!! with anything.
which is just the same as people who know that the council will always house them and give them handouts its the easy option.

Dithering_Dad

beautyqueen88 wrote: »

in my case i've always known subconciously that whatever trouble i got myself into my parents would always support me and have the money to throw at whatever to bail me out.
which is terrible i admit but i know they'd never leave me in the !!!!!! with anything.

Did you turn out badly with all this appalling support from your parents? They should be horse whipped, the swine!

beautyqueen88

Dithering_Dad wrote: »

Did you turn out badly with all this appalling support from your parents? They should be horse whipped, the swine!

seriously i honestly think that their approach to parenting was pretty bad, they were never around, fair enough they were working but there's many things i will do differantly to them while my daughter is growing up.
they barely batted an eye lid when i told them i was pregnant the least i should have had was a stern talking to even if there intentions were to support me.
of course parents should always support there children whatever they do but believe me mine are rather bizarre. there like something from stepford wives.
its a terrible thing to drill into a child 'throw a bit of money at something and it will fix anything'
as someone said earlier rich people dont neccesarily make good parents.

Dithering_Dad

beautyqueen88 wrote: »

seriously i honestly think that their approach to parenting was pretty bad, they were never around, fair enough they were working but there's many things i will do differantly to them while my daughter is growing up.
they barely batted an eye lid when i told them i was pregnant the least i should have had was a stern talking to even if there intentions were to support me.
of course parents should always support there children whatever they do but believe me mine are rather bizarre. there like something from stepford wives.
its a terrible thing to drill into a child 'throw a bit of money at something and it will fix anything'
as someone said earlier rich people dont neccesarily make good parents.

If they were never around because they were always working, perhaps they should have given up their jobs and lived on benefits and then they would have been home all the time with you?

They sound like decent parents, instead of 'shutting the gate after the horse has bolted' and shouted at you, then provided support to you instead.

It's a fact that having money does tend to sort out life's problems a lot easier than otherwise.

Your parents seem to have been hardworking, they put a roof over your head, kept you fed and clothed, probably sent you to a good school, lived in a nice area so you had decent mates, treated you like an adult when you came home with news of your pregnancy and they supported you all the way. How awful!

Instead of blaming them for your problems perhaps you should look at your own actions. You're the one who decided to have sex with inadequate birth control, you're the one who didn't seek the morning after pill, you're the one who decided to keep the baby (deciding against both abortion or adoption). They simply treated you like an adult and supported you in your decisions.

Time to take responsibility for your own decisions and actions instead of blaming your parents, methinks!

JimmyTheWig

beautyqueen88 wrote: »

If you daughter does decide to keep the baby i hope everything goes well for her but does she really want to throw her teenage years awayso soon.
i got pregnant at 17 too, i come from a well off family, so believe me i know its not always silly chavs getting pregnant for a council house and hate the fact that statistically at the time i fit into the 'single teenage mum' category although i've never claimed any benefits in my life.
does she really want to be judged like that for the biggest part (if not all) of her life. their two young jobless people with no where to live and not in any situation to be bringing a child into the world.
She has the option to go to college then maybe even uni and really make something of herself you don't realise until after you've had the baby how hard it is especially at 17, the money situation for me was never an issue neither was having somewhere to live it was just how much freedom you lose you cant just do whatever you want anymore you have to think about the baby and plan everything in advance.

Though on the other hand, having children this early means she will have a lot of "life" left to live once her children are grown up. She can go to college and uni then and still have a 20 year career ahead of her.
I'm not saying this is the ideal way to do it, but I don't think we should write them off for one mistake.

I think if they can get their act together and one of them go to work while the other looks after the child(ren) then I don't see the big problem.
What worries me is the apparent lack of will to get a job on either's part.

beautyqueen88

Dithering_Dad wrote: »

If they were never around because they were always working, perhaps they should have given up their jobs and lived on benefits and then they would have been home all the time with you?

They sound like decent parents, instead of 'shutting the gate after the horse has bolted' and shouted at you, then provided support to you instead.

It's a fact that having money does tend to sort out life's problems a lot easier than otherwise.

Your parents seem to have been hardworking, they put a roof over your head, kept you fed and clothed, probably sent you to a good school, lived in a nice area so you had decent mates, treated you like an adult when you came home with news of your pregnancy and they supported you all the way. How awful!

Instead of blaming them for your problems perhaps you should look at your own actions. You're the one who decided to have sex with inadequate birth control, you're the one who didn't seek the morning after pill, you're the one who decided to keep the baby (deciding against both abortion or adoption). They simply treated you like an adult and supported you in your decisions.

Time to take responsibility for your own decisions and actions instead of blaming your parents, methinks!

I don't blame my parents for anything i knew full well what i was doing when i got pregnant and wont go into it that but i think it's complete and utter bull when teens go on about all these 'accidents' there's no excuse for getting pregnant in my eyes.
I was simply pointing out the difficulty's she will have and the effect it will have on her life, it will be me and every other hardworking taxpayer who will be supporting her and her 'cant get a job' boyfriend for the rest of her life.

why dont they both get of there backside and get a job? because they know the social wil pick them up if they dont, they have nothing to fear they know there not going to end up on the streets so there is no motivation there.

bubblesmoney

most parents try to do what they think is best for their children within their limitations. there is no right or wrong way, everyone learns with the experience that comes with parenting for better or for worse.

when we are young and stupid (atleast in my case, cant say for others) we think all parents do is wrong. but when u have kids then life comes a full circle and you begin to realise that maybe they werent that bad, maybe they were just doing the best they could given their circumstances. doing their best is all one can ask for and expect.

it is a very tough task and not everyone keeps to high standards expected. but who am i to question what they achieved, let us see if i am any better when my child (dont have one yet) has a child and looks back many years down the line at what i did and thinks maybe i was an ok chap and did what i could. as long as i reach that target i think i'll be happy. in the meantime even i will face the phase sometime from my child that i cant do any right. some phases that i have to ride through like any parent.

Quote:
Originally Posted by beautyqueen88
seriously i honestly think that their approach to parenting was pretty bad, they were never around, fair enough they were working but there's many things i will do differantly to them while my daughter is growing up.
they barely batted an eye lid when i told them i was pregnant the least i should have had was a stern talking to even if there intentions were to support me.
of course parents should always support there children whatever they do but believe me mine are rather bizarre. there like something from stepford wives.
its a terrible thing to drill into a child 'throw a bit of money at something and it will fix anything'
as someone said earlier rich people dont neccesarily make good parents.

beautyqueen88 u say u r going to spend more time with ur child and that ur parents werent good as they never were around. have u stopped to wonder that u have the luxury to spend ur time with ur child because ur parents worked their butt off and have saved enough for u instead and unquestioningly support u in everything. if on the otherhand they hadnt worked their butt off then maybe u wouldnt have had the luxury of being monetarily supported by them in ur times of need and they wouldnt have been able to support u even if they wanted to or maybe u wouldnt have been able to spend time with ur child as much as u wanted and instead faced the situation of working ur butt off instead. not everyone is lucky to have supportive and rich parents. so one shouldnt be complaining about what they DIDNT give and should concentrate on the hundreds of things they did get instead from their parents. parenting is not easy. can u bet on what ur children will say about u when they are in their teens?? only time will tell