Is OH being unreasonable?

Scarlett1

emma12345 wrote: »

I know it sounds bad but he's always been that way. And some money is better than no money and some help with childcare (even if it is on his terms) is better than none. And I know he's using me but he is the children's father so I let him stay for the children's sake.

But after my tooth's sorted out and the school hols are over I will get a backbone and have a think about what to do.

No emma don't let this man use you to wipe his feet all over you cause he knows that he can because he's the childrens father :eek: you don't reward bad behaviour and the fact that you forgave him over his affair and had him back had made him smug enough to think he can treat you like a doormat :mad:

Noctu

I just wanted to add to the advice given - do you realise this is a form of abuse?

affordmylife

i definitely think you would be financially better off without him.

if you go to entitledto.co.uk and put your details in you will see what help you will get.

im not one to suggest going it alone but in your case i think it warrants it.

hm71_2

right ok, I don't nomally like to comment on this sort of thread two sides to every story etc...
But by god your OH needs a smack up the chops!!!rather slit his throat than look after his own babies??? !!!!!!. what happens if he is ill?? and for you to have to get into debt for living expenses- I assume he eats and sleeps, washes his clothes etc in the family home, tell him to get his hand in his pocket.
In all honesty I would be concerned for your little ones seeing this behaviour- it won't be long before they tantrum like daddy does. you have children to look after without this big baby! kick him to the kerb & get the CSA to chase him at least you could get some benefit/tax credit help. I am sure there is a neighbour/good friend who would help with the kids whilst you are at the dentist. be strong what he is doing as previously posted is a form of abuse and I would hate to see it increase. good luck.

Horace

Your OH sounds like a right drama queen - if he was my chap and he came out with a comment like that I would hand him the knife and tell him to get on with it and give us all some peace and quiet.

Its not fair on the kids to see their father behaving so badly and it will have an impact on them in later life because they will think that it is ok to behave in the same selfish manner (kids immitate).

If i were you I would see what I could to do change the situation - like booting him out and doing what others have suggested with regard to checking what benefits you are entitled to.

See if you can find someone else to look after the kids whilst you go to the dentist. Good luck with the dentist too.

Carmina_Piranha_3

Swimming against the tide slightly (very slightly because I agree with what everyone else has said too!) but is it the short notice which he gets upset about? Are you sure it's him, or is there a chance that his bosses would be annoyed by short notice for having time off? My husband can arrange time off but he has to give notice and it can only be if one of his bosses is around to cover his work if needs be.

One day it was really awkward for him, but I was having a miscarriage and it was school holidays so there was no way I could manage without him so he had to call in, but he had to pretend it was him who was ill otherwise they'd have refused him the time off. He did it though - perhaps if your husband is under pressure not to have time off for 'family' things he could pretend he has violent sickness and diarrhoea, and get the time off that way

If he is just throwing a childish tantrum and I'm totally wrong about pressure from work then just ignore me. Huge hugs from me, I remember toothache pain and it really is worse than labour. Sounds like you have it bad, but fingers crossed the antibiotics will start to work soon and it will ease off a bit.

The entitledto website will give you an idea of how much your income would be if you were a single parent. I am amazed that he would let you get into debt just to feed his children, while he keeps part of his wages back.for himself :eek:

stardoman

Ouch - I've had that toothache myself quite recently. I ended up feeling very shaky and DH was so scared that he rang NHS Direct. DH offered to take the following day off work, but ended up going in, telling me to ring him if I needed him to work from home. I think he's a bit scared of looking after the 3 kids on his own. To be fair, he did finish work early enough to get the kids from school, so at least I didn't have to worry about driving in that pain.

Just wanted to send you some hugs ((((((()))))). There's nothing worse than tooth pain - definitely worse than childbirth.

Mandy.

Licclelisa

I know how you feel about toothache i was climbing the walls with mine when i was pregnant with my dd i had to have the tooth removed and i am terrified of dentists hope it gets sorted xx

As for your OH he sounds like my 8 yr old when i tell him to tidy his room :rotfl: he needs a reality check and to grow up abit. I am the type that would have given him the knife but asked him to use a plastic sheet coz bloods a pain to get out the carpets :eek:

Good Luck tho i hope you sort it all out xx

elaine373

I am sorry to hear of your dreadful pain. I hope that gets sorted asap.
With regard to your situation and your selfish husband.......You are not being unreasonable. He should be looking after the mother of his children. It seems to me that you are finding reasons as to why you should put up with this UNNACEPTABLE behaviour. That is a result of emotional abuse. Low self esteem etc. You and your children deserve the best and you can change things.The longer it goes on the harder it would be to change things. get some advice when you are feeling better.(Relate for your personal relationship problems and maybe CAB for if and when you decide you cannot continue like this) All the best, you really do deserve better.

Loretta

His behaviour is appalling and you need to get rid of him fast

I thought there was a new law that you could have time off work to look after dependents if no one else was available, exactly this situation. I am sure that someone who know will be along soon