Is OH being unreasonable?

FluffyFiFi

Sorry to hear you are in so much pain and having to put up with this sort of behaviour from a grown man. You can't make any decisions when you are hurting but as soon as your dental work is over you should ask yourself where you are going with this relationship as it seems very one-sided at the moment and as much as your children might want a father figure around if he upsets them in this way it is not giving them a good idea what a relationship is about. If they don't see him giving you the respect you deserve and treating you well they will assume that is how all men are and that is the way they will grow up and look for those qualities in their future partners.

Good luck with your toothache and even more luck with your man.

x

emma12345

I know it sounds bad but he's always been that way. And some money is better than no money and some help with childcare (even if it is on his terms) is better than none. And I know he's using me but he is the children's father so I let him stay for the children's sake.

But after my tooth's sorted out and the school hols are over I will get a backbone and have a think about what to do.

MrsE_2

Personally I think I would have handed him a knife too:rotfl:

DH said to me in the early days & we were having a row, that if I didn't XYZ he would walk out/leave whatever (I think he used it on his mad clingy physo ex), I got a case down of the wardrobe threw it at him & told him to f off.

Its better to be alone & support yourself & your kids then have a man that drags you down.
While you're holding them up, they're pulling you down.

ameliarate

emma12345 wrote: »

I know it sounds bad but he's always been that way. And some money is better than no money and some help with childcare (even if it is on his terms) is better than none. And I know he's using me but he is the children's father so I let him stay for the children's sake.

But after my tooth's sorted out and the school hols are over I will get a backbone and have a think about what to do.

You would probably get more money from him if you kicked him out and took him to court for maintenance and actually if you have to practically beg for help with childcare the stress of the situation is probably worse than just having to get on with things on your own. Does he help around the house with chores? Does he take you out? Is there anything worth keeping him around for?
Would the children not be better off with a woman who is happy than a woman who is being treated badly and probably filled with resentment?

davetrousers

This thread almost seems to be detracting into a case of domestic abuse.

AnnieM_3

Seriously, though, does he have 'problems'? This sort of behaviour is not really normal behaviour for a grown man - shouting abuse and throwing things, saying he might as well slit his throat. I'm a little concerned there might be some underlying mental health issue.

Mind you, I would tend to feel that any man who walks out on his missus after a child is born, refuses to look after his offspring and behaves abusively toward you has some sort of 'issue', whether it is one that needs medical/psychological treatment, or just a big fat kick up the backside!

FairyElephant_2

Oh you poor thing - you have every sympathy from me.

As someone who put up with several years of 'emotional abuse' in a marriage, and let it get to physical before she could see sense and get out - please do take a long hard look at this relationship Hun. I suggest that you see a counsellor - if he won't go with you then go alone. My ex & I started going to Relate together, then I carried on alone after we finally split up for good. Sometimes people forget that counselling is not all about getting you back together - sometimes it helps you see that you are better off apart, and how to cope with that.

Have to agree with FluffyFiFi - it is not a good example for your kids to see you being treated this way - they will start to think that this is 'normal for a realtionship.

I know finding the strength is hard - and especially when you are low with pain it all seems so much worse, but don't wait too long Hun - the longer you wait the worse it is.

Wishing you all the luck and strength you need,

FE

Paparika

OMG what a big kid.

ok so refuse to do anything for him until he realises how much he really needs you. (take him 2 seconds)

If that was my OH there would be nothing from me, no dinner and certainly no pudding if you know what i mean, i'd have him grounded and stop his pocket money, if he wants to act like a child then treat him like one.

Got any joke shops near you to buy a big dummy, bib and nappy and ask him to wear it

Spendless

Is your OH a workaholic? I have similar but not as bad issues with my own husband. I called his bluff when our kids were younger cos his threat was he would pack in his job if I needed him to help out, so one day I rang him at work to ask if he'd put in his resignation, of course he hadn't and wouldn't (he's a workaholic remember) and that particular threat stopped.;)

I do have to tell mine that he is being selfish from time to time. I want an hour to go the chiropodist, unable to go before school hols as first I was nursing him thru illness, then he went back to work as a house-guest (connection to his side of family) came and I was playing hostess. His answer is to get his mum to childmind, but I don't see she should, they are his kids!

Anyway does pointing out that he's being unfair help at all? Or would the wallet strings if you said I've found out about a holiday kids club that I'm sending kids too for next couple of days it'll be £xx as you are unable to take time off whilst you are ill.

January20

Re your oh saying he would rather slit his throat: during arguments with my father, my mother often used to say she would lock herself in the bathroom and turn the gas bottle on (we used to live in the countryside and in those days used gas bottles for cooking). Even very young, I knew what she meant. I used to be terrified. I have never forgotten those threats and I have never forgiven her for them. I am 45 now!

You said your little one was screaming hysterically in the garden. Please do not put your children through that. These bad times will be scars and will shadow their memories of good times forever.