Marriage over don't know where to start

Juneno

Very true SFH, they are a tie but there's ways round that (kennels, petsitters). I know because I've got 6!
I also agree that you can never replace a lost animal, just give another a good home and love it for itself.

It's just an idea to be considered as it may give another purpose to life, if you like. Something to get up in the morning for, if you're feeling depressed. I know my lot have got me through some hairy times - just having them to hug helps - they don't ask why and just sit there until I've finished soaking their fur!!

kizzykizzywizzy

Hi guys
Well Ex came to look after them today, so I could sit down the council offices, with the drunks, druggies & other poor people put in dire situations, not always by choice. I felt really really bad & kept crying, I know benefits are there to help people that need them & I've never had a problem with people being on benefits at all, as long as they're not swinging the lead! BUT I shouldn't have to be on benefits !!
I got sent to social security office to help with IS forms - they are not allowed apparently, went to job centre, they said they aren't either ( i thought they were! ) went to CAB, didn't have time & poor woman had been sitting there from 09.30 this was at 12.00 & no-one had seen her yet.
They gave me a number to ring for help, couldn't get through, after an hour I've given up, posted it with as much filled in as I can & stated on there that I tried to get help & no-one would help me, any problems to ring me.
I was really horrible to EX today & I know I was:o I told him , he has lowered his family to his level, we are now benefit scum ( apologies to anyone receiving benefits, this sounds awful, I know, it's just I feel so scummy ) I'm not meaning to offend anyone.
When I got back from post box I said you can go now, he kept asking all morning, when I was in between going to all the offices if I wanted coffee, do I want something to eat etc, I just say no to everything, he offered to help with forms again, but as he has never helped with any financial matters, he's of no help, so said no. He hasn't got any money left at all as DD wanted some sand sheets to go in the bottom of hamster cage as claws getting long & he said he'd get them & just stood at the door, so I said off you go then & he said I've only got 66p! I gave him a fiver & said, you shouldn't waste your money on top up cards phoning people ( the moose ) then should you. he couldn't find any sand sheets, & gave me the £5 back!!! I took it too!
After that he went & at the door just stood there, I said BYE & he said can't I say goodbye to you nicely? I said I've said goodbye & he put his arm round me & hugged me I didn't hug him back & he went to give me a peck, I turned my head & he kissed me on the side of the head.
I have been a real biatch today, I know I have, but I am so upset about all these benefits, I can't tell you, so that made me really hate him for doing this to us!
He's coming tomorrow so I can have my hair done, once I'm back, he can go again, I don't expect he's really eaten today, although he was stuffing all the kids biscuits. Had he asked for some money I would've given it to him, but as he didn't ask he didn't get.
What a cow, no wonder he left me...............

Keeping_Motivated

Kizzy this is exactly what he needs and the main point is it came naturally, not by people telling you 'you should get mad' etc you really felt it and thats why he got it. The point is you are not playing games he is seeing the real feelings he is putting you through, like when you were telling you loved him it was 'real' and now you're angry and its 'real'.
He makes me so angry though coz although I don't know him I suspects the hug and kiss were to 'feed' him not you and he needs your adoration and he feels unnerved without it so that is when he instigates it whether it is right for you or not he needs it. How selfish!!!! It may not be being done maliciously on his part maybe its more subconscious (I'm trying to give him benefit of the doubt here) but he should be more tuned in to what this is doing and you need to remember its not about him anymore or about his needs its ALL ABOUT YOU now so please don't feel bad for your honest reaction this morning.

Hope that makes sense
KM x

trancebabe

Ahhh Kizzy... it get's you like that, don't be too hard on yourself!

If he was in any way smart he will have been expecting some backlash for his actions.

Try and see the benefits as what they really are, an interim measure to help you keep your head above water during a difficult time. You're exactly the kind of person in a situation that deserves them the most!

It's not something you'll need forever...

Hugs !!{Kizzy}}

kizzykizzywizzy

Kassy, you are bound to feel like this, just think I've been oblivious to what has been going on for months & wishing him home & looking forward to a happy future together, all that has been taken away, from you & me!! You are in complete shock.
Sorry to hear about your dog, when our dog died, people did say about getting another, but she was like my furry sister! she was irreplaceable.

SFH, sorry about the bad dream, I haven't had any the last few nights, but I was waking up at all hours with heart pounding covered in beads of sweat, so I know I was having really bad dreams, even if I didn't remember them all.
At least you have Oz to look forward to, it'll be great for you to see your Mum, I miss my Mum like hell at the moment

Fidget21

Once again KM has said it all for me!! Thanks KM!!

Oh, no there's one thing left...

What a cow, no wonder he left me...............

Don't be so ridiculous woman!!!!!!!:D

kizzykizzywizzy

Thanks everyone, I just feel like I've behaved like the kind of person he says I am today.
The boiler man came to service the boiler, just as i was off up the job centre so I told ex make sure he puts the casing back on properly as last time, I had to call them back, it was all skew wiff & where we had the kitchen plastered a big lump of plaster was sticking out the side & I didn't want to look at it like that for a year, so when I get back, I look at the boiler & it's skew wiff with plaster hanging out!!!
I said i asked you to make sure that was on right & he said it is isn't it? I said no it isn't! So he had to take it off himself & put it back on properly, he's just useless to be honest

Keeping_Motivated

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

Thanks everyone, I just feel like I've behaved like the kind of person he says I am today.

Now you are starting to believe his cr*p that he spouts to justify his affair and his guilt. Please don't allow him to make you believe that. You are YOU the person he married and he had no complaints then! He hurts you enough please don't start believing his excuses that he projects onto you.

If losing your mum and the other stuff made you lean on him emotionally and make you justifyingly complain then my god how awful you are :rolleyes: THAT is when he should have stepped up to the mark NOT sloped off to get his needs (again) met! So don't worry about the kind of person you are you are 'real. Seems to be a pattern of him getting his needs met one way or another?!

HE should be worrying about the kind of person he is not you. He was grumpy the other night and he hasn't been cheated on or had the morning you have just had so he must take how you were today on the chin and know that he is the cause of you feeling like that.

KM x

Fidget21

Methinks the rose-tinted glasses have fallen off Kizzy!

kizzykizzywizzy

Yes, you could be right