How often do your children stay with father when separated?

MiasMommy

For me it was because he's in a house share, so I was worried about the other housemates.

And if Im totally honest I was worried if he was going to be ok looking after her, I know shes asleep but just in case lol, Im a over worried first time mum give me credit

loftus

I'm sure you deserve lots of credit and are doing what you think is the best for your child - I'm sorry if it appears I'm having a go because it's not meant that way.
It's a bug bear of mine that sometimes the assumption is that the PWC is the only one with the best interests of the child at heart and the motivation of the NRP is something other than that. Or that the PWC is the only one who knows how to care "properly" for the child.
Yes I accept that in some cases there are ulterior motives for pursuing additional contact, But in the vast majority of cases - and we don't get posts about these or read about them on internet forums - both the parents have the childs best interests at heart and both just want the chance to be involved in the childs life.

Glittermonkey

My ex doesn't have our DD overnight due to not living in suitable accomodation, though he has just recently moved into a new place where he can have her but it is still a shared house and she would have to share a room with him so for now I prefer to keep her at home.

My ex has always come to my house to have her as I worked nights etc so he could put her to bed and not disrupt her routine.

She is nearly 6 and we still live like this. He will pick her up from school and bring her home, cook her dinner and bath her. I'll come home form work and he puts her to bed and then he goes home.

On a weekend he will come over and take her out and sometimes during scholl holidays he will take her camping for a few days.

Luckily we do get on as friends otherwise this arangement would never work but our DD gets to see both parents every day which is important for us. His dad never saw him and died a few years ago. Mine was never that bothered and I hardly spent any time with him, even now I've seen or heard from him in 5 years so we dot want our Dd having the ame experience.

MiasMommy

lol just wrote a reply but the silly thing deleted it .
What I meant to say is that in the case of my daughters father all he wants to do is be in her life, I want to go back to uni in sept and I would only see her at weekday nights as she would be in nursery, and I tried to agree with him that he would have her everyother weekend but he was like no, my arguement was that I would miss her too much and he went now you know how I feel.

I do agree that some dads try to do their best for their child and it still isnt good enough, and it is also true that we mothers use our kids as a weapon and that is really bad it affects them a lot, my mum use to do it.

But I also gotta add is that sometimes as a mum we just cant let go we just want the best for our children. Jen xx

loftus

I also do agree with you that the PWC shouldn't be in the position when they don't have time to have fun with their children or they are seen as being the one to only do the routine stuff.
However this should be balanced up against the fact that they do get to see the child far more than the NRP and maybe should sometimes step back and try to see how they would feel with only seeing their child 2 days in 14.
It's a hard balance to get right, especially if there is still bad feeling over a break up.
Good luck with your course - I'm sure you do do the best for your daughter.

galvanizersbaby

When my ex husband and I parted we agreed shared care 50/50 of our 2 children (then age 2 years and 3)

They are now 4 and 5 and this arrangement has worked well for all of us.
We live nearby and we are amicable - when we split my ex did not want to only see the kids at weekends and though a rubbish husband :mad: was always a great dad and still is.

I find it strange that many parents wouldn't trust the non resident parent overnight with the children - tbh I could not imagine having a child in the first place with someone I did not trust.

Having read some of the other posters responses here I have to say I feel quite lucky and glad for my children to have this arrangement.

I hope you manage to come to an arrangement with your ex that is beneficial to all of you x

gorgeous_gwen

After me and the ex first broke up, he was very flaky about contact. He would come over and give them tea now and again, or take them out for the day, but he often cancelled or just didn't turn up when he was supposed to. As a consequence, I spent quite a few months pretty much caring for them 100% myself. It was only when friends tried to get me to come out for the odd night out, offered their services for baby sitting and so on that I realised I really should push him.

I was quite stern and firm, and emphasised that DS needed routine and the security of knowing when he would see his dad, and in addition, I needed to have a break to be a good parent when I was with DS.

The arrangements have been bumpy and have changed over the last year or so. Initially he'd have DS one day at the weekend, then the next have him overnight on Saturday night. That changed into him having DS every other weekend, all weekend, and that is the arrangement now. I have noticed the weekend has started to shorten gradually, it started off being Fri evening to Mon morning, then Sat morning to Mon morning, and now he wants to start dropping DS off Sunday night, because he starts work earlier on a Monday now.

I'm happy to alter arrangements if he needs, just as he will if I ask. We do get on amicably, sometimes things are tense if we disagree, and he has tended to take the lead on contact (he is adamant he won't have DS every weekend because him and his girlfriend need their own time outside of work...) But he has seemed to grasp that *I* need some time to myself, being as he gets that every weeknight every week...

mykitten

I used to go and see my dad every second weekend and it was from Friday until Sunday afternoon. This was until I was about 14 then I wanted to see my friends more and went to see dad when I wanted. Seemed to work out ok

miss_corerupted

my boyf has a 4 yr old son. We have 3 nights in the week from 5ish until 8.30 and then he will sleep over 1 night on weekend. Soemtimes we have him more often as she may go away for the weekend etc. i think we are lucky that they live about a mile and get on ok. it works for us.

His dad cooks him a meal (no kfc), shower/bath him and he always has to read him a bed time book prob scooby doo lol

something_girl

my kids dad lives abroad, so he has them for 2 weeks in the summer holiday and a week either in Feb or Oct. It's a real shame they don't see him more, but I guess, that's all that can be done, when he lives in another country. I wish we had the kind of arrangement that some have on here, so they could see more of him.