How often do your children stay with father when separated?

claire1234

hiya,

it will do you a world of good to have a break and a bit of "me" time, each time they come back you will be more fresh and more closer to each other,

my fella has 2 kids, when he and his wife split the kids were 6 & 7, he saw them every weekend -- picked them up from school on the friday & dropped them back off on a monday, then he would have them all school holidays,
this then got changed to every other fortnight and shared holidays as they had no relationship with there mother as they were mainly at school or with there dad.

i would reccomend starting it off on a forthnightly basis, that way you both get a weekend with the children, and make it so they are not forced to go so they have the choice to do as they wish,

hope that helps

Penny_Watcher

owsaboutthatthen wrote: »

Like I say I feel terrible even contemplating it as I love my children to bits but I suppose I do need to arrange something so my children get the best of both worlds and so that I am not completely drained and take out my tiredness/stress on the children (that meaning not being able to play with them or shout at them more than appreciate my time with them). Hope that makes sense.

Don't feel terrible. :grouphug: You [strike]need[/strike] deserve time to recharge your batteries to help you be the excellent Mum that you are.

Your little ones will come back to a relaxed, destressed and well rested Mummy and they'll feel the benefit too.

saveallmymoney

In my circle the "interested" fathers have 50/50 arrangements and the "less interested" ones have every other weekend.

foreversomeday

I was 6 and my sister was 3 when my parents split up. We used to stay at his flat 3 weekends out of 4 at first, which went down to every other weekend and then 1 weekend out of 4, then he moved away from the area with his new girlfriend and we used to see him for part of every school holiday. We used to alternate Christmasses too - spend one year with Mum and the other with Dad.

Even though my Dad was a bit useless about keeping in touch and wanting to see us we felt okay about it because of the attitude of our Mum, she was brilliant and always let us know we were loved by both our parents no matter what. It is only since I have got older I have thought him to be uncaring.

tsstss7

saveallmymoney wrote: »

In my circle the "interested" fathers have 50/50 arrangements and the "less interested" ones have every other weekend.

I dont believe this stereotype is very fair - most fathers would love to spend more time with their LO's but they prioritise their childs stability of care over their own needs....that does not make them disinterested parents - far from it.

Paparika

my ex can only bother 10am to 5.30pm every other Sunday.

what annoys me is he went to the council and told them he has his son stay over quite a few days of the week and they give him a 2 bed flat........ I think he's had him stay over once so far this year :mad:

and he had the cheek to try and claim tax credits etc for him, whilst i was already doing so, mine got stopped until i could prove my son lived with me, i told them to visit the ex and see what clothes and toys were there, and said he wouldn't have anything there because he doesn't live there.

It all got resolved in the end, but thats my ex a thief and a lying toad, puts absent fathers to shame, as i know loads would love to see their kids more often

Lady_S

saveallmymoney wrote: »

In my circle the "interested" fathers have 50/50 arrangements and the "less interested" ones have every other weekend.

not always true. My husband is in the interested category, but we only get every fortnight and no contact other than this.

saveallmymoney

tsstss7 wrote: »

I dont believe this stereotype is very fair - most fathers would love to spend more time with their LO's but they prioritise their childs stability of care over their own needs....that does not make them disinterested parents - far from it.

Some people certainly don't like the idea of kids trecking between 2 houses, one way of making this better is for both parents to live close on the same street so the kids can come and go as they please, this seems to work well for one person i know.

tattycath

When I split up with my ex he did not see the children on a regular basis for several months (said he couldn't handle it). They were 6 and 4 when we split. In the end, because I knew it was important to maintain relationship between them and their father and grandmother, I told him i needed to work weekends and he would have to look after the children some of the time. He said he would try it for a few weeks, after a couple of weeks they all loved having a proper relationship and he saw them every weekend after that and part of the holidays, we eventually made it 3 w/e out of 4 and occasionally 2 out of 4 (this arrangement was not my instigation it was a joint decision). They also stayed with their dad half the holidays and every other christmas, birthday etc etc. Now they are 12 and 14 and we live quite a distance from their dad (we moved) but they see him as often as they want to-but it isn't as often as it was becasue they like to see their friends more etc etc. In order to get them to see their dad I meet him half way for the picking up and dropping off-so instead of 1 of us driving for 4 hours we both only drive for 2. This is usually every other weekend unless the kids are at parties atc. He can still have them to stay with him as often as they all want weekends/holidays if he is prepared to drive over and pick them up or if he wants us to meet, by arrangement. When we first split up it was very accromonious but after the initial split we always put the children first as the children are paramount. I miss my children when they are not with me but i enjoy the freedom too.

pinkpig08

saveallmymoney wrote: »

Some people certainly don't like the idea of kids trecking between 2 houses, one way of making this better is for both parents to live close on the same street so the kids can come and go as they please, this seems to work well for one person i know.

I can't imagine anything worse than living on the same street as OHs ex!