How often do your children stay with father when separated?

owsaboutthatthen

Hi split from my partner a couple of years ago and although he sees the children on a regular basis, I think it is time for the children to stay over at his now and again. He has a girlfriend and a baby. Although I will miss my children terribly (like losing a right arm), I am finding I need more of a break as bringing up my two children (4 and 2) quite hard work as it is 24/7 and find I need some "me" time.

The question is - if you are in my situation, how often do your children spend at their father's home overnight? I feel guilty even thinking of doing it, but don't want to appear the martyr by moaning that I need the break and there may be a chance of me having one every now and then! Hope you see what I mean. Any advice would be appreciated thanks.

owsaboutthatthen

I'm sorry in advance if this has been posted on the wrong section - not been on this website for a few months and I notice a few forums have changed.

anm_2

Mine started off just every Saturday night, but then we changed to every other weekend from Friday till Sunday, hope this helps, and it will do you good to have a break

cazziebo

To start with every second Saturday - mine were about the same age as yours. (He didn't see them at all at first - his choice). He'd also take them for tea on a Wednesday until he moved further away. When they were about 10 & 8 he started taking them on holiday for a week in the summer.

I found it so hard in the beginning. I'd look forward to the me time all week, and then 10 minutes after they had gone I'd be sobbing my eyes out. But it did get easier. I'd plan something to look forward to - just a glass of wine with friends, or a night in the cinema. On some particularly sad times I'd go ice skating myself! But I'd sit all day Sunday watching the clock, counting the minutes...

It's worth it - for you and the children. Important you get some time to yourself, being a single parent is very hard work.. It's also important that your kids have a relationship with their dad. They're his responsibility too.

Mine now have a great relationship with their dad (well as good as a parent's relationship can be with teenagers! :rolleyes: They disapprove of us both equally...)

good luck with it - and make sure you plan some fun times!

vik6525

Me and my little ones dad have a fantastic relationship even though we're not together, so my little ones stays with him from friday evening, and then I pick him up from school on a monday... It works perfectly for us cause I work saturday and sunday, and his dad works monday to friday....

tsstss7

Mine does every other weekend and as much as he wants (within reason) during the school hols. However he is 10 and I didn't let him go away for longer than two nights until he was at school.

Initially he used to get upset after the weekend and with hindsight doing the fortnightly full weekend when he was 3 prob wasn't such a great idea (Although the break helped me get on top of things around the house etc.) So I'd suggest going for maybe one night per week or fortnight while your little ones are so young and then make it longer when they are older and more able to cope with the changes in routine.

One thing I wouldn't recommend is contact time during the week in term time I started off letting the ex take the lo out "for tea" after work on a wednesday ( bout 6.30 -7.30) and had huge ructions and court cases when lo started school and needed to be starting the bed time routine by around the same time my ex wanted to be taking him out. Even now lo is older I can't let him do week night visits in term time as he always brings him back later than arranged and LO ends up going to bed at ten!

That said your ex has a baby at home so may be more in tune with the hours children keep, the importance of maintaining their routine and the need to prioritise sleep during the term time.:D

owsaboutthatthen

Thanks for your advice so far - my little ones have been away with him and his family for 4 nights on two separate holidays. That was heart wrenching. However, even though I was longing for them to come home, by about the 4th day I got used to the freedom if you like. However 4 nights is a long time when you are normally with them 24/7 and started sobbing my heart out as soon as they left the house to go. Despite all this, them going on holiday for this length of time would only probably happen twice a year if that and 8 nights out of 365 seems too much to bear without some other form of mini breaks in between! Like I say I feel terrible even contemplating it as I love my children to bits but I suppose I do need to arrange something so my children get the best of both worlds and so that I am not completely drained and take out my tiredness/stress on the children (that meaning not being able to play with them or shout at them more than appreciate my time with them). Hope that makes sense.

tsstss7

Ultimately it's about what suits them best - it's just a nice byproduct that we get freedom too :beer:

Janepig

My next door neighbour's great grandchildren see their father every weekend, staying over on the Saturday night. My neighbour's grand-daughter and her ex don't get on, so the children get dropped at my neighbour's on a Saturday morning and the ex picks them up from there, then delivers them back there on a Sunday afternoon/evening which means the parents don't have to see each other and cause a rumpus. Seems to work well enough really and obviously is better than them not seeing their dad because their parents can't get on.

Jxx

Becles

My boys were 4 and 2 when my ex left me. They are 11 and 9 now.

The longest he has had them is about 4 hours. They normally see him about about once every two months, where he takes them for tea and brings them back.

Consequently they have no real relationship with him, and he still talks to them and treats them as if they are toddlers which doesn't go down well, especially with the eldest.

I've since remarried and they think of my new husband as Dad and it's him who they do all the father-son type stuff with.

shellsuit

My 2 stay with their Dad every other Friday night. OH drops them off there around 7.30pm. (Me and their Dad haven't been together for 10 years this month ~ my God, how time flys!)

They are back home on the Saturday anytime between 1 and 7.

The kids are 12 and 10 now and don't really want to go because they say it's boring (even though he does take them out for the day occasionally). It gives me a break and I think it's important for the kids to see him, because if they didn't stay there, they would hardly see him at all, even though he only lives about a 6 minute drive away.