Friday 18th July *Daily Chat*

Snaggles

Lucifa, I think that's a really fab idea actually!

Herewegoagain

drat, I type so slowly [EMAIL="I@m"]I@m[/EMAIL] at the end of a page again doh:o

Lucifa73

Herewegoagain wrote: »

My son is 32 and I did cut him loose yrs ago but when OH came along he told me I was a bad mother if I didn't help and invited him back, now OH is regreting it but still insists that someone has to help my son, OH is just as bad and I'm getting tooooooo old for all this:mad:

no ur not too bossy

I try to say no but yes comes out begrugingly so peeps must know :mad:

32!!!! Surely time to draw the line? OH must realise there comes a point when he needs to help himself! You're NOT a bad mother!!!! YOu sound like a bit of a saint.

Next time you want to say no, say it. No justifications. Just a polite but firm 'sorry I can't help' or whatever. The first time you'll probably feel sick to your stomach, the second time will be a little easier and so on until people accept that no means no. If you need support to do it we're right here for you.

Lucifa73

Snaggles wrote: »

Lucifa, I think that's a really fab idea actually!

Thanks. I just wish I had the money in the bank to be able to do something with it:rolleyes:

Lucifa73

Herewegoagain wrote: »

drat, I type so slowly I@m at the end of a page again doh:o

I've changed my settings so the most recent post is at the top of the page. That way I nver have to page forward to keep up, the old posts just keep accumulating behind me IYSWIM. I've also set it to show 40 posts per page rather than 20 so when I'm reading to catch up I don't have to change page as often.

HTH

Luc x

Herewegoagain

Lucifa73 wrote: »

32!!!! Surely time to draw the line? OH must realise there comes a point when he needs to help himself! You're NOT a bad mother!!!! YOu sound like a bit of a saint.

Next time you want to say no, say it. No justifications. Just a polite but firm 'sorry I can't help' or whatever. The first time you'll probably feel sick to your stomach, the second time will be a little easier and so on until people accept that no means no. If you need support to do it we're right here for you.

my Dad two years ago and I recieved a phonecall at work and thought I would finish my rounds (waa warden for elderly at the time) then go straight to see him at the home, 5mins lateranother call to say he was dead and I didn't get there in time, he had been ill for nine years and I had always made it when he got better, but not on the day he died.

My mum is 78 and is getting frail since he went and so I feel I Have to spend my time with her, I don't want to let her down but feel time is passing me by

OH well! He is as bad as my son, they both live in my flat, and to get it let out I would have to spend money on it that I haven't got so some rent is better than none

Herewegoagain

Lucifa73 wrote: »

I've changed my settings so the most recent post is at the top of the page. That way I nver have to page forward to keep up, the old posts just keep accumulating behind me IYSWIM. I've also set it to show 40 posts per page rather than 20 so when I'm reading to catch up I don't have to change page as often.

HTH

Luc x

How? do you do that:o

chrismoney1800

Snaggles wrote: »

Aww Chrismoney, that sounds like a right mess, poor you - you know that the £1k cheque is definitely on it's way, so is there anyone who could help you out just very short term, just so you can afford to eat? Then maybe post your SOA to see if we can give you any longer term help to get back on your feet a bit?

My son has offered to buy food from his birthday money. I feel so bad though. But at least I know I can pay him back, with a little extra. He offered earlier but I said no. I would feel so bad. I know he wont mind but :S

Lucifa73

Herewegoagain wrote: »

my Dad two years ago and I recieved a phonecall at work and thought I would finish my rounds (waa warden for elderly at the time) then go straight to see him at the home, 5mins lateranother call to say he was dead and I didn't get there in time, he had been ill for nine years and had always made it when he got better, but not on the day he died.

My mum is 78 and is getting frail since he went and so I feel I Have to spend my time with her, I don't want to let her down but feel time is passing me by

OH well! He is as bad as my son, they both live in my flat, and to get it let out I would have to spend money on it that I haven't got so some rent is better than none

It does all seem to be hitting you in one go.

Sorry to hear about your dad. And your Mum for that matter. I can appreciate you feel the need to spend as much time with her as possible but if you feel better surely you'll be a better companion for her? Have you got any other family who could spend time with her when you're not available.

As for the OH and son, it'd be real easy for me to say cut them both loose sitting here on my high horse but I can also appreciate these things are complicated. You could try putting the rent up? Your tax position can be affected if HMRC decide you are charging a non-commercial rate of rent just because the tenants are connected to you personally.

I see from your sig that you're in Dorset. Is there a park or something nearby where you can take yourself off for a walk for 15-30 minutes just to get some time to yourself? You might find the additional exercise helps lift your mood and energy levels too

Luc x

Lucifa73

Herewegoagain wrote: »

How? do you do that:o

Go to 'User CP' on the blue bar above the thread. Select edit options and the third grey box down has the header 'Thread display options' Just go through the options there and you'll be sorted.

Just remember that when you go to view a thread you'll need to go to the 'last' page to see the first posts but can jump straight to page one to see the most recent one