Guess whose back!? The Return Diary

bobble_hat

Doh! I'm welling up now, thank goodness I'm working from home! Didn't mean to make you weepy again.

doodledo_2

Awww hun you big softie (((hugs)))

I feel the same as well internet friends can be as good as "real" friends.

djdymond

awww! everyone needs a little help sometimes. sometimes its nice to talk to someone online - i know i talk about my debt and money freely on here which i couldnt do to anyone i know. you dont feel judged.

oh and its ok to have a little cry now and then. its good not to bottle it up! xxx

CAFCGirl

ohh i dont know what to say now, because no matter what words come out, they'll never be enough to tell you all how much I appreciate all that you do for me and how I love you all so much for being very good friends to me xx

I also thought now would be a good time to mention someone particular who wont I mention by name, but she knows who she is.
For a long time she has featured in my posts and diaries etc and has been a great source of inspiration, and helped me out.
And she's outdone herself this time. Through a conversation following our miscarriage and my desire to mark the pregnancy's appearence in my life, she has spent what I can only imagine was hours and hours of her own time, making me a bespoke to fit charm bracelet, which will (next week) have a gingerbread man charm attached to it to represent our lost baby.

And I dont think I will ever be able to tell you just how much this means to me, and how it was one of the most beautiful things anyone has ever done for me, and that she has helped me to find a positive light in a very dark time at the moment, and this bracelet and charm will not only remind me of the love I have for our baby, but of the love and kindness of friends and strangers alike in the world, and how despite how I might feel about myself right now, there are people out there who love me regardless, and that it can come from the most unlikely of sources, and touch you in ways and at times when you felt the world was cold and lonely.

And whilst the words have been the easiest thing for me to type, they have also been the most difficult things to say, and to hear, and even though my eyes are streaming and my nose is running, I've got a smile on my face because of each every one of you

xxx Jo xxx

doodledo_2

What a beautiful gesture, things like that mean so much when you have been through what you have.

djdymond

awww bless you. it just goes to show you money comes and goes, but things like friendship and love are what matter most. and they last forever! xxxx

CAFCGirl

Had a veg out on the sofa, and read a book...was nice to really switch off everything else and not have any noise around.

Got to get som online shopping done at some point, ideally for delivery on sunday so need to find a code and write a list

CAFCGirl

ARGH!

When is life going to start to get better?!

I'm in such a foul mood today. Just posted about this on the 15k challenge but it wasnt really the right place.

Been to Asda with DH and he's just NOT helping!
I wasnt happy about him putting 3 multipacks of chocolate bars in the basket for his lunches at work.
And he went into one about how he was "not just going to take 1 bar of chocolate a day to work" and it felt like he was spitting the words at me.
Dont get me wrong I love the guy, he does a lot for me, can be very supportive etc, but he just doesnt seem to understand that I worry myself like a mental person trying to control what we spend because we're trying to pay back HIS debts. I know when I married him I agreed to take them on as my own, but i dont really see why I should be the only person trying.
All he has to pay from his bank account is £620 to our debt account, and then his phone bill and then all the money left is his, which leaves him about £170 a month to spend on whatever. give him some freedom I thought.
Im paying the rent, the council tax, sky bill, landline and broadband, as well as food shopping, and then my own mobile.
Now I know its all relative because I now earn more than he does, but this leaves me about £75 a month to spend on myself, and hes acting like he's so hard done by because I didnt see why we needed to spend £3 on chocolate for a week for his work lunches!

Maybe Im going insane... losing the plot etc but im fed up of these debts, i want them gone - done with - finnito! Sometimes i just feel like im on my own and even when i try to discuss it with him, his only response is that it is being paid, we are overpaying, and we cant do anymore.
Im not asking for a vegetable patch - making your own clothes, never turning the lights on kinda money saving but its like he feels like he's some sort of martyr because hes not spending AS freely as he used to.... its not matryrdom, its ONLY SPENDING WHAT YOU HAVE!

ARGH!!!!!!
I just dont know whether to laugh or cry anymore, its doing my head in, its all I ever seem to think about... and i wish we were just on the same page... bl&&dy hell the same book would be a start!!!

Purpleroses

afternoon lovely!

first your previous posts are making me cry!

as for your OH he should be deeelighted that he has someone as fab as you helping him with HIS debts. He may be earning less than you but he should still be paying his share if not more! But then i don't know anything about marriage/shared debts so should probably just keep quiet but for the sake of your sanity tell him. even write him a letter. After all you're supposed to be in this together.

I know its easy to say it but stealing hypnos diary title - theres more to life than debt! you're doing fab repaying them and they'll be gone before you know it! and be glad they're going down and not up!

cheerie for now xx

CAFCGirl

Awww dont cry sugar..... xx

I'm still fuming about the Asda incident but I know as well that you're right, debts are not the be all and end all, but i just feel like too many things are "shakey" with job security etc and I just feel like my life is not going to really "start" until they are paid off....

Its like waiting for life to begin.

maybe i can try talking to him again, but i dont think the responses I get given are going to be any different.....

Note to self - never go to asda with him again?