"Need advice on splitting up after 15 years? please help am going mad."

needahug1978

Hi
The mortgage is in both our names. I could never leave without my kids too be honest. I would not be able to live without them! I have sat here in tears reading all of your support thank you so much.Just to know that other people have been in my situation and got through it is so reassuring.Thing is he just acts like everything is normal, If he decides to go on a drinking binge etc the day after he just carries on like nothing has happened! it gets me so upset and annoyed, i know that that is prob his way of dealing with things but its not mine.
I have had a look at the entitelldto website and am not really sure what I should be putting in the forms but I had a go. If I stayed here I would not have to pay council tax and I think they would pay £125 towards the interest on the mortgage a month after 36 weeks of being on income support. Trouble is my mortgage is nearly £1000 a month, so i would never be able to afford the rest. Its very confusing. I will go to CAB, i just have to find the time as they are in another town and getting there and back during school hours can be difficult.But thanks again for your support, i know you guys on here are like one big family. It makes me feel better knowing that there is always someone on here that can offer advice etc without judging me and so forth.

xx

moggylover

needahug1978 wrote: »

Hi
The mortgage is in both our names. I could never leave without my kids too be honest. I would not be able to live without them! I have sat here in tears reading all of your support thank you so much.Just to know that other people have been in my situation and got through it is so reassuring.Thing is he just acts like everything is normal, If he decides to go on a drinking binge etc the day after he just carries on like nothing has happened! it gets me so upset and annoyed, i know that that is prob his way of dealing with things but its not mine.
I have had a look at the entitelldto website and am not really sure what I should be putting in the forms but I had a go. If I stayed here I would not have to pay council tax and I think they would pay £125 towards the interest on the mortgage a month after 36 weeks of being on income support. Trouble is my mortgage is nearly £1000 a month, so i would never be able to afford the rest. Its very confusing. I will go to CAB, i just have to find the time as they are in another town and getting there and back during school hours can be difficult.But thanks again for your support, i know you guys on here are like one big family. It makes me feel better knowing that there is always someone on here that can offer advice etc without judging me and so forth.

xx

Keep your chin up needahug - I shall keep checking back and will send you big hugs each day. Not a lot of help I know - but sometimes just knowing someone will listen is a help. You can always PM me if you want to or need someone to talk to.

Lainie75

hi

Can you stay with family or friends? go to your local council tell them your homeless and explain the situation they may offer you a bb type place untill they can find you something more permant , the one thing you have to do is ring or go everyday because otherwise they just put you on a pile with others weres if your causing them a problem they listen better it worked for my sister it took 2 weeks of going everyday.
hope it helps good look to u.

shell_girl

Hi there,

Does it have to be you who moves out? It may be possible that you and your children can stay in the property and that your husband will still have to contribute financially towards the mortgage as it is the home of his dependent children.

The Rights of Women website has a PDF you can download about financial arrangements after a marriage breakdown, and they also have a free advice line that you can call to get information about your specific situation.

Good luck xx

needahug1978

Thank you so much for your advice. I went to play darts last night and he was texting me etc telling me its time for me to be honest. So when I got home I wrote him an email telling him exactly how I felt and what I wanted. I told him that if he didnt leave within a few weeks then I will.
I woke up this morning and he has not gone to work. He said he is going to move out and that he feels that its best for his health because I am the one who is causing all the probs!!! bloody cheek. He was quite mad, shouting etc I asked him to calm down as the kids were in the next room. I feel so confused now.He has said that he is signing the house over to me, He wants me to go to see the financial adviser with him today and also the bank.How am I going to be able to afford the mortgage and everything? I have to think about my kids. He said that we can sit down tonight with the kids and "I have to tell them, what I have decided ( me and dad split up)" Hes making everything out to be my fault. I need to go because he is in the other room and I am scared he will read this. Any advice will be gratefully received

XXX

santashelper_2

You are worth more than to be treated in this way remember he is the one in the wrong and he knows this so is trying to shun the blame onto you it may take a while but make sure you get some support and try not to let him bring your self esteem down probably because he feels low he is trying to bring you down to his level, you deserve better and will find it, just take the first few steps, with regards to the house i know someone who moved out of the family home and regretted it later because her partner benefitted financially from this so check with CAB and find out the best way to go about this.

Take care and remember we are all here for you whatever you decide

paddy's_mum

Let him do all the shouting, the blaming, the name calling - at the end of the day, so long as you achieve what you and your children need, it all comes out in the wash. The people who know you won't believe what he says and the people who do believe him you wouldn't want to know - so it's no skin off your nose. Truth has a funny way of coming out eventually so just let him rant. Your day will come, believe me.

He can shout all he wants but in the final analysis, there are laws in this country which will sort it all out, whether he wants to play ball or not.

Stay strong and be truthful with your children. Their assessment of the true situation often is spot on, whether you think they know it or not. Good luck.

belfastgirl23

I think this is good news. He has accepted that it is over and agreed to move out. I'd say focus on getting this achieved for now and then worry about the other stuff. At the end of the day you can sell the house or whatever once it's yours ot sell. Can you scrape together enough cash (ebay etc) to cope with the mortgage etc for six months? That would buy you enough time to evaluate what you really want. You also might find your household bills go down a lot with him not being there....

TBH in your shoes I'd be down the financial advisor as fast as possible. It may be he's using this to show you how much worse off you'd be wihtout him and therefore that you should stay with him...you need to go in with the attitude that it can all be sorted. And it can.

good luck.

floss2

:grouphug:

I had all this with my ex-husband. I was the "big bad mother" who broke up our happy marriage....yeah right. My kids soon got used to the lighter atmosphere when he left and they would spend time with me rather than sneaking upstairs out of the way when he came in from work.

Get to the CAB, get your bank account changed to one in your name only, contact the tax credits people, and give yourself a pat on the back, as you have got him to do something about the situation rather than you having to move out.

Floss x

needahug1978

Thank you so much for your advice, its great to know you are all here for me. I am phoning the CAB, it does not open till 1pm and is too far for me to drive so will see what they say on the phone and go from there. He says that he has got an appointment to view a place so hopefully he will accept. Have spoken to my sister this morning and she has been a single parent before so I have lots of support from her.Will let you know what the CAB say later if I can get online. Take care and thanks again xx