Depression Support Thread

slowlyfading

-hugs- sigh. the world we live in.

CompletelyLost

Hi,

I haven't posted here before. Well, I've posted on the forums re: my situation months ago, but never in this thread. I've never been diagnosed with anything, but I'm certain there is something wrong with me. I'm bulimic (though I am managing to control it a lot better now), I self-harm quite often, sleep is a luxury nowadays, and also I seem incapable of stringing a sentence together... it's so frustrating. I'm like a statue when faced with another human-being, I just feel like I want to disappear and do everyone a favour. Am I depressed? I don't know. I feel so empty, useless and worst of all - a disappointment to my family.

I've been out of work and education for 18-months. My parents think that I'm lazy and just don't want to work, but if I knew how to get out of this mess (and if they would stop teasing me whenever I try to explain how I feel - which makes me feel even more pathetic than I do already) I would try my hardest. If I don't manage to sort myself out soon, they will be throwing me out. Then I do not know where I will go or what I will do.

I don't really know what the point of this post is, I guess what I'm doing is looking for a little advice on where to start.

I hope you're all doing okay.

Amber_Sunshine

Hi CL,

Welcome to the thread. I know exactly how hurtful it is when the people closest to you think you are lazy, when the truth is that it´s just so hard sometimes to do ´normal´things like look for a job. This has been a huge problem between OH and me, he thinks I don´t try hard enough.

The thing is that you have to take control of dealing with whatever is wrong (and if you feel something is wrong with you, then it is), even though it is the last thing you feel like doing. Start with seeing your GP, and if they´re not helpful, see another. I´m not a huge fan of ADs, but sometimes they are necessary to give you that ´kickstart´.

Then concentrate on day-to-day living. Find something to do every day. Go for a walk, rent a good film, give yourself a beauty treatment (if you´re a girl!). I almost live in my local library! Look for free or cheap things to do - I´m guessing you do´t have much money if you´re not working. The thing is to say, today I am going to do .... , as having some kind of structure helps. When you´re feeling a bit more capable, look at voluntary work. Yes, it´s almost a cliche, but I volunteer at a cat shelter and do rescues, fostering, help out in all sorts of ways. It gives me something else to concentrate on, and I feel good that I´m doing something positive for the cats.

The next step (but at your own pace) is to get a part-time job when you feel strong enough. Again, the structure should help. Try telling your parents that pushing doesn´t achieve anything, in my experience it just makes you panic and feel worse.

I´m sure that during the day, lots more helpful suggestions will come along, people here are very good at mutual support, so you´re not as alone as you feel!

Amber_Sunshine

You know, it seems like a lot of us have a bad phase at the same time, is it the full moon or something??

LadyMorticia

Welcome to the thread CompletelyLost.

I'm Anni. It's nice to meet you. I understand where you are coming from. I've been there a lot and it's terrible. Have you been to your GP about the way you feel?
I'm sorry that your parents tease you. That must make you feel a lot worse. My foster parents used to do the same to me.

Please feel free to post as much or as little as you want here. We're all a lovely lot and everyone will make you feel welcome and at home.

xx

absolutebounder

CompletelyLost wrote: »

Hi,

I haven't posted here before. Well, I've posted on the forums re: my situation months ago, but never in this thread. I've never been diagnosed with anything, but I'm certain there is something wrong with me. I'm bulimic (though I am managing to control it a lot better now), I self-harm quite often, sleep is a luxury nowadays, and also I seem incapable of stringing a sentence together... it's so frustrating. I'm like a statue when faced with another human-being, I just feel like I want to disappear and do everyone a favour. Am I depressed? I don't know. I feel so empty, useless and worst of all - a disappointment to my family.

I've been out of work and education for 18-months. My parents think that I'm lazy and just don't want to work, but if I knew how to get out of this mess (and if they would stop teasing me whenever I try to explain how I feel - which makes me feel even more pathetic than I do already) I would try my hardest. If I don't manage to sort myself out soon, they will be throwing me out. Then I do not know where I will go or what I will do.

I don't really know what the point of this post is, I guess what I'm doing is looking for a little advice on where to start.

I hope you're all doing okay.

Sounds like you have oppressive parents who have as far as self esteem is concerned knocked the crap out of you. I am guessing your parents have subtly dominated you all your life and much of what you have done education wise was for them rather than yourself. I also suspect you didnt get much praise for good things but were often put down when you got something wrong and I am also guessing you feel strong ties to your parents.
You are going to have to confront them but not just yet.
I think it would be good to sit down and think how you have gained such a low feeling of yourself that you have to punish yourself with bulemia and self harming and then go back and think of all the things that you are actually quite good at. In therapy it is common for people to say they are hopeless at everything but when we think again we realise every human has strengths and weaknesses. Yes there are bullys but remember they are insecure too and not wishing to be rude about your parents but I wouldnt mind betting some of their hangups about their own failure are coming down on you.
So first step is stop punishing yourself, you dont need to do it. Then write down a diary of what you think feel see hear etc about how your parents make you feel useless and give the book to them or if you cant do that leave the diary where they will find it one day. They are bound to read it and hopefully if the love you they will have a good frank discussion and with a bit of luck be more supportive
It is a great pity in the UK that so many young people feel like you do and the institutions have frankly no idea how to help most of the time. I think it is time for a new breed of health worker to deal with these issues and stop this waste of young peoples lives.

Amber_Sunshine

Mental Health services in the UK are a mess, how long do you wait to see a pychologist now? So may people are suffering, they need to put more money into trying to understand the mysteries of the mind, and finding the best ways to help people, instead of squandering it killing innocent people in Iraq.

LadyMorticia

Hello lovelies.

I hope you're all okay.
I'm so glad to be back home. I didn't sleep too well, but I never do.
I hope you have a good day.

xx

absolutebounder

Amber_Sunshine wrote: »

Mental Health services in the UK are a mess,

Couldnt agree more

how long do you wait to see a pychologist now? So may people are suffering, they need to put more money into trying to understand the mysteries of the mind, and finding the best ways to help people, instead of squandering it killing innocent people in Iraq.

I know what you are saying though the budget for Iraq is small compared to what is wasted in the NHS. The NHS has had billions extra spent on it with rather minor improvements. Im not sure that the problem is so much money as the way they waste it. As far as I can see Psychologists have very limited success. i think the main reason for this is that psychology studies trends of groups and whilst can say on average what a group will do an individual from that group may be completely different as I put on another thread we are told in the UK as a population we have 2.4 kids but no one actually has this exact number. I would like to see a system more like life coaching where a person works with the patient to build self esteem and help them into work. More expensive in the short term maybe but I think cheaper long term. Just to give an example. Lady Morticia has posted some of her artwork on here. I have also seen some of her poetry. It is very good. I would like to see someone coaching that tallernt and perhaps getting it published or getting her work and training in that field.
There is a vicious circle going on at present of having nothing to do and boredom which has to be broken.
Maybe it would be good and supportive for this thread to discuss the help that people here feel thay need.

Amber_Sunshine

absolutebounder wrote: »

I know what you are saying though the budget for Iraq is small compared to what is wasted in the NHS. .[/quote

Too right, AB - all that money wasted on bureacracy and failed computer systems ... maybe the lunatics should take over the asylum. Or maybe we´re the sane ones and they have already done so ...

Your idea re mentoring is great, sadly as we have already discussed, MH services SUCK. I asked my psychiatrist if there were any centres for people with MH problems, as I thought it would really help to do art classes or something expressive. His answer was ´I don´t want you spending time with other people with MH problems ...´