Help!

Hawthorn

I'm tempted to say let her go for the CSA. I've been waiting for years, and still haven't had a penny off my ex, nor am I ever likely to! Mind you, it would be just your brothers luck that they get a hold of him.

Also, I don't think that the CSA ask for fair payments. Sometimes the amount that gets taken is absolutely obscene, and really not necessary. I doubt that that will bother your brothers ex though

Gingham_Ribbon

I really feel for him. I think he needs a solicitor pronto. I agree about making sure any money is given by cheque or straight into her account by direct debit. No more cash. And log everything, including texts if he can.

How dare she refuse her daughter to see her dad? Unless she has genuine grounds to believe that their daughter is being neglected or abused she should not be allowed to do this to her. I'm sorry that isn't the case as she clearly can do exactly that. What does their daughter have to say about it?

There's no reason to see a problem in waiting to take her to the dentist unless she was in pain. If the mother was so bothered about it she would have either let him get on with taking her to the dentist or she'd have taken her herself at the weekend rather than waiting. She sounds like trouble. I hope you all get it sorted out amicably. Poor girl stuck in the middle as usual.

maryjanethespider

yes lack of responsibility could be questioned, but it was an accident that he was not even present for!



So where was he then?
My comments are far from toxic, they just not the replies you wanted.

Jo_F

As a matter of interest, if he does not have parental responsibility, then he couldn't have taken her to the dentist could he? I thought you had to have PR to give consent for any treatment?

picnic

your brother should tell his ex to go to the csa... im sure she knows full well that if she is claiming benefits that she wont see any of the maintance...

if her partner is working..? why is she claiming??

if, like you say, she is very cash orianted.. call her bluff.. it would seem she has more to lose than your brother... i.e nights out and the extra cash she is getting...

he should also see a solicter and get the access sorted out via the courts...

tigtag02

maryjanethespider wrote: »

Im sure your brother is not the weak, innocent and doe eyed man you describe and neither do i believe she is the fire breathing witch from hell.

From what i can read it sounds like she's angry at him not taking much notice of the girl, she chipps her tooth, dad messes around umming and ahhing phones mum who gets peeved by him fuddy duddying around rather than using his common sense and taking her straight to the dentist or emergency dentist...

OMG

Did you read the same posts as everyone else?

Are you a man hater?

I'm not surprised blokes always get the shittty end of the stick when people come to the conclusions that you have

shortbread

maryjanethespider wrote: »

yes lack of responsibility could be questioned, but it was an accident that he was not even present for!



So where was he then?
My comments are far from toxic, they just not the replies you wanted.

They were out at a fun fair and he was in the bathroom!!! Your negative replies and condemnation shows not my attitude but yours!!! You do not have the right to judge him on a few comments you have read.............I pity anyone who has to deal with your acidity in the real world!!! I wanted advice not insults or toxic waste from people who have nothing but venom in their life!

To all those who give advice and empathy on these forums, I applaud the people who try to offer some advice and support in a time of crisis!!! I appreciate it all!

I am not painting my brother to be snow white............I am asking advice about a situation that will only deny a 9 year old girl, her fathers love and presence!!! Yes sometimes he doesn't always be super dad, but he care and loves his daughter immensely! He does not abuse nor neglect her and he should not be denied access. Like i said my nieces mother is a good mother, but often forgets about her daughters emotions and feelings! My little niece gets no say in this at all, so she is just stuck with whatever her mother decides. She likes to score points and control my brother and just because he wanted a peaceful life he let it happen! Does not make him stupid or a bad person! I will continue to see my niece, she is disabled and I do not want to take away all the fun she enjoys when she is with our family at the weekend! It just puts me in a n uncomfortable position but what can I do?????

She is no longer claiming that is why she is pulling out the CSA scare!!! He is quite prepared to go to the csa, but I just wanted some advice on it before he does!

debs66_2

Shortbread, ignore the spider from now on, and don't let her get to you. I really don't know why she feels so compelled to join this thread when she is offering nothing but cutting comments. i think she should be more concerned with the car accident she was in yesterday that she may or may not have caused, going on her opening thread in the travel and trips forum, which she opened for advice...;)

Zara33

maryjanethespider wrote: »

Why should he have to offer, is he her dad or isn't he?
If she cracked the tooth in his care then he should have the intellegence to take her, not mess about to seek permission from the mother first.

Woah there!! Perhaps although the chap in question is the father he may not have parental rights which then means he cannot consent to medical treatment.

Loretta

Your neice chipping her tooth does not have to be an emergency, I doubt if it was too painful. Accidents happen. The tooth needs sorting out but it is not something that needs dealing with in the evening or the weekend and waiting until Monday is OK unless of course it was part of an accident where the child hit her head and may need medical help in case she was concussed and there is no mention of anything like that here.

I think your brother being called a wimp is unfair, women can and do manipulate men until they don't know if they are doing right from wrong and she has got him by the whatsits by threatening that he will not see his daughter. Lots of men, we hear about it on here all the time, don't bother to stay in contact with their children or pay for them but he has despite the difficulties he has had

You said that you and your family will continue to see your neice at the weekends, how will this work?

I would have thought mother is not doing herself any favours by threatening not to allow the child to see her father who has been very much a part of her whole life and in such regular contact if this did come to court.

It could be that your neice herself may be able to have a solicitor represent her to arrange continued access with her Dad, anyone with legal knowledge about this? Does she have any kind of social worker or someone to do with her disability that you or your brother could talk to.

I think that although this informal arrangement has more or less worked up until now it may be good to now put it on a formal footing or at least let the mother know that he intends doing this and she should be as concerned as he is about the cost and agravation this will cause. Your neice is at an age that someone would listen to what she wants and I am sure no court would stop access.

He could hint that she was receiving cash and that may have to come up during formal negotiations. If she is now married it could cost her too. Is new husband happy to fund a long court action? I am sure both incomes will be taken into account for any legal aid application.

Does it cost a lot to ask for PR? would it be a quick formality, he is either the father or he isn't it is not an opinion to be argued about it is a fact

What is new husband like? is he a reasonable sort of person, do any of you ever speak to him or have any sort of relationship with him? Perhaps he likes having his weekends free. Looking after children is hard, looking after someone else's is harder and looking after a disabled child, however lovely she is, is harder still. From a purely selfish way It would take some doing to give up these weekends I would think

Would he be able to speak to her teacher?

I said in my first post it may blow over if you just leave it for a few days rather than rushing to solicitors but if it doesn't and he does not see her this weekend I think that he needs legal advice urgently so that there is not too much delay in seeing her

This is just a list of thought that may be worth thinking about