Help!

shortbread

My brother did offer.............but she would not let him, he cant just walk in and make demands about it! He offered and was willing to take her to all visits required as he works nights and could have done so easily! His ex could have taken her daughter herself, like so many of us have to do, even if she is in a wheelchair.

He has no evidence of payment except for the fact that sometimes we would hand her the cash if I was picking my niece up or dropping her off. Like i said she decided that she would not let CSA know she was getting money from him simply because she was getting IS. If he wont let him see his daughter what else can he do but get a solicitor involved???

arthur_dent_2

maryjanethespider wrote: »

Im sure your brother is not the weak, innocent and doe eyed man you describe and neither do i believe she is the fire breathing witch from hell.

From what i can read it sounds like she's angry at him not taking much notice of the girl, she chipps her tooth, dad messes around umming and ahhing phones mum who gets peeved by him fuddy duddying around rather than using his common sense and taking her straight to the dentist or emergency dentist...

Are you a single mother by chance?

maryjanethespider

No, far from it.

It just reeks of stupidity though, 'sorry darling mummy says i cant take you to the dentist but she will take you tomorrow so you just have to put up with the cracked tooth for a night'

Grow some balls for goodnes sake

maryjanethespider

Why should he have to offer, is he her dad or isn't he?
If she cracked the tooth in his care then he should have the intellegence to take her, not mess about to seek permission from the mother first.

shortbread

Im sure your brother is not the weak, innocent and doe eyed man you describe and neither do i believe she is the fire breathing witch from hell.

From what i can read it sounds like she's angry at him not taking much notice of the girl, she chipps her tooth, dad messes around umming and ahhing phones mum who gets peeved by him fuddy duddying around rather than using his common sense and taking her straight to the dentist or emergency dentist...


Mary Jane, please do not let your issues cloud what you write on these boards!!! Do not pass judgment on anything I am telling you, you have no knowledge or right to pass judgment!!!

I am not painting my brother to be a weak, innocent and doe eyed man ( i can see her the issue is with man ) I have not mentioned anything about his character, and yes she is a witch, she causes issues all the time and speaks to myself, mother and brother like we are complete idiots! Much the same as your attitude I feel!

yes she is angry at him, she he should have been more responsible..............in fact it was not even him my daughter was with at the time of accident it was his girlfriend!

He rung her to tell her he would take her to dentist, on the Saturday morning, incident happened Friday around 7pm!!! but she was quite okay about taking her on the Monday!!! He was ringing her to tell her of the situation............but when you are faced with a mother who wont answer her phone in case it is him telling her ,he needs to take his daughter home early because she feels unwell, it is kinda hard to make decisions that affect both his daughter and her mother!!! He was not passing buck, yes lack of responsibility could be questioned, but it was an accident that he was not even present for! I am simply trying to resolve an issue that could effectively mean a small child does not get to see the father she has been staying with at weekends for the last 6 years or so!!!

maryjanethespider

I have no issues with men, i have issues with stupid parents

hobo28

There are always two sides to every story here. Is your brother really that niave that he pays her maintenance cash in hand? Something just doesn't quite sit right. In addition, if she is on IS then:

a) CSA have to get involved.
b) She cannot claim for "lost wages" as she shouldn't be working in the first place.

But lets for a moment assume your brother is whiter than white and is just incredibly niave.

Firstly he has no PR, so technically he has no rights. Thats not a big deal. He can get this if he goes to court and applies.

He should definately stop giving her the cash, cash in hand. He should also go to the CSA website to calculate what he *should* be paying. Any payments should be via a bank account or via cheque.

As for compensation for her "lost earnings", I would refuse. The more you give into unreasonable demands, the more she will make them.

Sure she can withhold contact but i bet she also enjoys the break so she'd be cutting off her own nose to spite her face. At the same time your brother needs to make clear he will take her to court to get access via a court order.

But bottom line is your brother needs to stand up for himself if she really is being as unreasonable as she sounds.

arthur_dent_2

I am really sorry for your brothers situation and really hope that all goes well for him but to be honest, I think she is about to take your brother on the most painful and costly journey of his life. Many (not all) single mothers use their children as a weapon and a paycheck, it is the ultimate mental abuse and control. Your brother needs to get proof of payment from now on even if unfortunately it affects the mothers IS. A solicitor is an absolute necessity the second that she takes this any further than idle threats. As for not having any balls, it is very difficult to have any when someone is hanging you by them.

shortbread

No, far from it.

It just reeks of stupidity though, 'sorry darling mummy says i cant take you to the dentist but she will take you tomorrow so you just have to put up with the cracked tooth for a night'

Grow some balls for goodnes sake


Your whole attitude stinks..........there is no reason why you have to be offensive..........what is it disrespect other peoples issues just so you hide from your own???

I do not have to defend my brother to you.............why do you feel you can add to peoples misery by being judge and jury sat behind your computer screen???

You have no clue of the conversation that went on...........he rung her to tell her what happened and that she would not be home at the time she was meant to be. simply because he had arranged an appointment for dentist for Sat am ........she told him it was ok and that she would sort it all out!!! Why would he cause more distress for daughter by arguing about it??

You are very quick to pass out recommendations of what should and should not be done..............keep your toxic thoughts to yourself please, people come here for advice not to be bullied and taunted!!!

shortbread

I really do appreciate the constructive advice!!!

My brothers ex was on income support..............she made sure that csa did not hound him...............he willingly gave her cash every month like I am sure many many many fathers do , not ever assuming that after so long it would come back and bite him in the butt! She made demands, he just complied so as to see his daughter. Yes he was being naive...........I told him many times to get receipts, but the ex was so unreasonable about it all , he just wanted to get on with seeing his daughter!

She is very cash orientated and yes she will cut her nose off to spite her face simply because she does enjoy having her nights out without her daughter!!
I think he needs to get to a solicitor, he is hoping it will all blow over and she will stop being angry at him.................I do not dispute her anger I am disputing how she often uses her own daughter as a pawn to emotionally blackmail my brother!


She is not on the IS now but used to be, that is how him just handing cash over all began!!!

Yes my brother needs to stand up for himself, she is being unreasonable, and he needs to stop letting her take the control!!! She is a good mother but sometimes does not consider how her daughter might feel!