Worried stupid (again)

coolcait

Hiya wot a life

You're obviously at the end of your tether, and no wonder. So I'm sorry to add another burden.

Your OH may be self-medicating depression by drinking every night. But the levels of drinking you describe also suggest that he might very well be an alcoholic.

Whether you think he is or not, you might find some benefit in talking to Al-anon. They know how difficult it can be for the families of people who have an alcohol dependency. Even though it may not be help/advice abut bankruptcy specifically, it might be helpful for YOU.

Here's a link to their website:

http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk/

And here's contact information:

http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk/contact.asp

It might not be relevant for you. But the info's there if you feel that it might be of interest.

As far as the bankruptcy concerned, I know that the last thing you need right now is to be doing everything for your OH, or feel that you're doing everything for him. But I agree with the other posters who are pointing out that - in a lot of ways - you're also doing it for yourself.

I know it's soul destroying to feel that you're the only one who's making an effort. And maybe he deserves to be left to face the consequences. But, some of those consequences might have an effect on you too. From that point of view, maybe it's better to just grit your teeth and sort it out for him - so that you get the best result for YOU?

Once you get that result, you might be better placed to leave him to his own devices, or think about your own future options.

Good luck whatever you decide.

shadowdragon

What your going though is terrible, and your husband needs to address this situation. And I know a lot of women have had trouble with there OH, I would like to point out not all blokes are like that, I was the one who got my debt, I am the one who was foolish with money, so I am the one who has dealt with it. The only input my missus has had is that I told her what I was planning and asked for her agreement, which she did, and when I asked for financial figures she gave me them (she looks after the finances due to my illness and i can be housebound because of it).

On a domesitic note, we kind of share, I hate Washing up so 90% of it is done by my better half, I enjoy cooking so I do the majority of that, missus does washing/ironing ect, but I do all the DIY and heavy lifting, and all the driving, so it balances out, some would say its unfair me not doing the washing up, but I do other things.

sorry to waffle on your thread, I just think that people need to know its not ALL males that are like that.

Sunk

My partner did not fill in his forms, they were still laying on the table the evening before.
Not that he was lazy or anything I just think he felt a failure somehow if he filled the forms in.
It's hard for a man to admit defeat sometimes.
I was the one that spent the money though so that didn't help.


With the tools we were only allowed upto £2,000.00 value.
Anything over this figure would be an asset taken.

Sunk

maxmycardagain wrote: »

so you only have tools to the value of £1999.99

dont you

"Need to Know"

...just don't look under my bed:rotfl:

wot_a_life

Hello All,

Thanks so much for your support on here, he came in at the early hours this morning drunk as a skunk and has sunk a few this afternoon aswell. Tried to talk to him about money and he told me to "f***** off!" so, that is it, he can do it alone.

I am enroling in a college course and concentrating on me and the kids, I've been in touch with the council and altho I am on the list, there is no hope, so I'm going to get on with my life and let him get on with his, what ever happens, happens from now on, I feel that I've done all I can.

He's told me that he's not going to kurb his drinking and that he is sticking with his "mates" so lets see where his mates are when he needs them shall we. I've told him to get on with it then, and he said he will.

So basically, that is that.

Oh and thanks for the alcholics site, I'll have a look at that, he clearly has a drink problem, he can't even walk the dog without cans of lager in his pockets or stopping off at the pub - so sad

Sunk

You must explain the situation to the council...THEY HAVE A DUTY TO HOUSE YOU! (sorry for caps)!

I wasn't on the housing list but as soon as I knew I was going to lose the house I contacted the council & filled in the relevant forms.
I was priority (top of the list) as soon as I was evicted.
Me & the kids were put in emergency housing (hostel).

You will be housed, get down to the council housing department & explain the situation, you will be given forms to fill in etc.
Whatever your partner decides to do is up to him, you need a roof over your kids heads.
Good luck
If you want more info just pm me and I'll 'talk' more in depth.
But what I will say do not leave the property as you could make yourself intentionally homeless.

SuziQ

Wot a life- really feel for you. He is adding to your stress-unforgiveable but it seems he is incapable of any other behaviour at the moment.

The important thing is that you do what is right for YOU and the kids-and then do what you need to do,whether it be to do the forms cos you ultimately want to work things out with him,or walk away. Sounds like he has almost talked you into splitting-perhaps because it is easier for him if he can say you bailed,rather than I have failed to sort this problem out and am going BR?

It too me 18 months to finally say enough to my ex. I was in counselling for 2-yes 2!- years where I was constantly being told that he wouldn't change,so either I had to change my attitude or walk away.
If I had split with him when I first gave him an ultimatum,my current financial situation would be so much better, as all he has done in his reprieve time is falsify my signature on loan documents and so take secured loans on my house-which I owned for 20 years before I met him.

If this is the right time for you to split and you are sure you no longer want to live with him-and remember your children's feelings on this also,the current situation with daddy absenting himslef and mum running herself ragged will not have gone unnoticed-then there is help out there,and maybe you take the bull by the horns and go BR yourself if he fails to do so next week.

Please don't despair-I have been to hell and back the last 18 months,but finally feel in control of my life despite being in th worst financial situation I have ever been in in my life (and I'm 48!)

Much love to you-you can do it,pm anyone you feel can help if you want to just unload-that helped me so much back in April when I finally snapped and sent my ex on his way!

wot_a_life

Thanks everyone, I am going to send the repossesion order off to the council so that they know the situation, they said to forward them any documents that might prioritse my case.

Don't know what else to say really, than I'm going to need some help and support

skylight

Perhaps you need to chat with Shelter. At least they will let you know of your options and rights without the council fobbing you off. With councils, they can be as bad as DCA's with trying it on!

And CCCS? If you want to go it alone you need to discuss with them your options etc.

wot_a_life

I tried cccs and they couldn't help me without OH's income details and our tax credits information, which I am still waiting for as we filled in a renewal pack months ago - I phoned them 2 weeks ago and they said it takes 7 - 10 working days to come through, so hopefully anytime now.

Then I can give them a ring back and enlighten them, possesion order pending for the 12th August