Worried stupid (again)

wot_a_life

That's just it Richard, I'm tired, worn down. I do absolutely everything while he props the bar up in the pub ( where I suspect he is right now!) and I can't do this on my own - I just can't, I work too aswell as shoulder all of this and bring the kids up.

It would be lovely to go to work, then straight to the pub without a worry about picking kids up, doing tea and homework, sorting out bills and debt agencies. Then come home, put my feet up then go to bed knowing that all of my washing is done, kids are fed and put to bed, bills and debts are taken care of.

It's just not fair! Isn't marriage supposed to be a partnership? I'm not his mother!

wot_a_life

Sorry for the rant, I'm just at the end of my tether here, I really have had it, I've been pushed to the very edge and I can't take anymore

I may aswell be a single parent

skylight

Would it shock him into action if you told him what you really thought? Told him that you have had enough and its buck up or its the end?

OH and I had big issues in Oct when he left - it took a lot of working out and he came home properly in April but he has been a different person. Okay, I still do the lions share but now at least I can get him to sit down and discuss things and he does stuff now!

Merry_Gentry

wot_a_life wrote: »

That's just it Richard, I'm tired, worn down. I do absolutely everything while he props the bar up in the pub ( where I suspect he is right now!) and I can't do this on my own - I just can't, I work too aswell as shoulder all of this and bring the kids up.

It would be lovely to go to work, then straight to the pub without a worry about picking kids up, doing tea and homework, sorting out bills and debt agencies. Then come home, put my feet up then go to bed knowing that all of my washing is done, kids are fed and put to bed, bills and debts are taken care of.

It's just not fair! Isn't marriage supposed to be a partnership? I'm not his mother!

Perhaps you need to show him thiis?? If his head is stuck in the sand, and you haven't said anything before (not saying that you haven't) then maybe this might be the jolt that he needs. Often we women take on the role of Superwoman, doing everything because we feel that if we don't do it, then no one will. But in a weird catch 22 maybe he's not doing it because he knows you will??

I can hear how tired you are from your posts, and this whole process is emotionally and physically exhausting. But you do need to decide what you want to do, and act on that.

As you say, you're not his mother, and if you really feel talking to him won't make a difference then you need to approach this from the angle that you are sorting yourself out. No one is making you sort him out as well - you say if you don't do it, you know he won't but how do you know that??

Sorry if this isn't coming across right, but I am strong believer in communicating, and wish that H and I had talked more before all of this happened. Who knows, maybe some of this could have been avoided.

Big (((HUGS))) mate, cos you obviously need them.

Richard_S

Sometimes, I am truly ashamed to be male, because everything you've said I've heard so many times before, and it is a sad reflection on men. There is no quick fix to the problems you've got; nothing you can do or say is going to get his head out of the sand.

I don't profess to be an expert on bankruptcy, we've been through a very complex bankruptcy, and I get a lot of satisfaction from helping other people, but that's as far as it goes. When it comes to relationships there's very little I can offer. I'm married to the girl I met at school, and we've had an incredible roller coaster of a life together, but never once have I neglected her, or thought that our relationship wasn't the most important thing in the world. Only you can answer the question as to whether he's worth sticking with.

If you think he is, then you've just got to keep going, because only you can do this. I guarantee he will come to his senses, but when is anybody's guess. You are frustratingly close to making a better future for yourself, but I can appreciate what a mountain that must seem at the moment.

If you're reasonably sure that he'll turn up at Court then surely it's worth getting those forms done. You're not on your own, you know that there's more than enough help here to get them done. If there's anything you get stuck on and nobody's around on here (which is extremely unlikely) then you know you can phone somebody who can help.

As much as you feel overwhelmed at the moment, I would urge you to make one last effort to get this to Court.

Richard

Richard_S

wot_a_life wrote: »

Sorry for the rant, I'm just at the end of my tether here, I really have had it, I've been pushed to the very edge and I can't take anymore

I may aswell be a single parent

I think almost all of us have used this forum to let off steam at one point or another, so rant away.

If you think your future is better as a single parent, then secure a rented property, declare bankruptcy yourself and walk away from him.

If, in your hearts of hearts, you don't believe it is, then keep working at those forms, let him prop the bar up, and eventually realise what a truly remarkable woman he's married to.

Richard

wot_a_life

I've told him and I'm not a nag, and it makes no difference what so ever, he'll come home drunk as a skunk tonight (how he affords it, I don't know)

If he goes to court on the 8th, it will be because I have done the forms, printed them off and handed them to him to sign, then I will drive him there, walk in with him, because if I didn't he wouldn't go, and it would be all my fault that he didn't go.

I have been looking at propertied Richard for me and the kids, I feel like walking away and letting him get on with it, but I'm worried that I wouldn't be able to afford a rented property on my income alone. Most of them are between £750 and £850 pcm and I only earn £500, I know I'll get tax credits, but could I afford it? I also now have 1 ccj so I'd probably have to pay 6 months in advance and I haven't got that sort of money.

I've theatend to leave him and he says "if you want to go, then go" and that was only today, he doesn't care less and I feel that I'm wasting my life and making myself ill here.

Merry_Gentry

Oh honey, you sound so so down. I really think you need to look into finding somewhere just for you and the kids. Have you spoken to anyone in the council? If your husband really isn't listening to you, or taking this seriously, then you need to look out for you and your kids ((HUGS))

tigerfeet2006

:grouphug: would it be viable to ask him to leave and you stay in the house? Would he talk to someone in Relate or similar?

So_Sad_Angel

Hi WAL lots of (((Hugs))) Honey,

I think Merry raises a valid point...contact the local authority about the possibility of housing in case of need.

You have all of our support here...I think that as he has shared the BR position with his mates ...he has accepted the reality...just needs to actually go through with it.

It does sound like the drink is his way of forgetting his situation however remember that the OR will not allow too much allowance for `entertainment` therefore his drinking will be kerbed substantially...you need to be prepared for this.

Perhaps speak to him in the morning when he is sober ...& if an ultimatum is needed then you are prepared.

Angiexx