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    • tawecdl
    • By tawecdl 14th Jul 17, 2:38 PM
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    tawecdl
    Daughter taken out of school.
    • #1
    • 14th Jul 17, 2:38 PM
    Daughter taken out of school. 14th Jul 17 at 2:38 PM
    Hi,

    My daughter has been taken out of school by her mother due to bullying. I am separated from her mother but we have always worked together to bring our two children up the best way possible.

    She is in year 7 and I see this as a vital time to develop her education and social experiences. I supported the decision to remove her from the school she was in for the bullying reason (we went through the safeguarding officer route to no avail). I applied for her to start year 8 in a better school and her mother was happy with that at first. But now she wants to "Home School" my daughter which I am not happy about. I have spoken to education welfare and social services and they have advised me to seek legal advise. I have PR but I don't feel like I have a voice as nobody seems to care.

    I have emailed education welfare and chased it up but no response. I have called them and they have said seek legal advise.

    The mother has told me she is happy home schooling her and the school I applied for is "too much hassle" even though the ofstead reports are really good. I told her I would help with the commute 3 days a week and she can do two days but she refused.

    They went on a 2 week holiday and she is staying at her friends for a long weekend which I know a school would not allow, so why is she allowed to do this? I am also concerned as my younger daughter who is ion year 6 is going to the school that my other daughter was bullied in, so I can see this happening all over again.



    What rights do I have, how can I avoid solicitor fees etc and get my children into a decent school this September.

    Thanks in advance.
Page 1
    • Guest101
    • By Guest101 14th Jul 17, 2:41 PM
    • 14,637 Posts
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    Guest101
    • #2
    • 14th Jul 17, 2:41 PM
    • #2
    • 14th Jul 17, 2:41 PM
    The short answer is you cant.


    Just like you have rights, so does she. So you want to do things your way and she her way. The only thing you can do is seek a court order.


    That said, there is no law requiring children to be registered in a school, so you need to show that the education the mother would provide would be insufficient.
    • tawecdl
    • By tawecdl 14th Jul 17, 2:44 PM
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    tawecdl
    • #3
    • 14th Jul 17, 2:44 PM
    • #3
    • 14th Jul 17, 2:44 PM
    The short answer is you cant.


    Just like you have rights, so does she. So you want to do things your way and she her way. The only thing you can do is seek a court order.


    That said, there is no law requiring children to be registered in a school, so you need to show that the education the mother would provide would be insufficient.
    Originally posted by Guest101
    Are there any ways I can keep an eye on her progress without relying on my daughter and her mother to keep telling me "it's going really well"?

    I personally believe my daughter is capable of high grades, her mother dropped out of school in year 10 so how is she capable of educating a secondary school child?

    I am worried her grades will start to fall and the sooner I do something about it the better. I feel helpless
    • Sambella
    • By Sambella 14th Jul 17, 2:47 PM
    • 319 Posts
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    Sambella
    • #4
    • 14th Jul 17, 2:47 PM
    • #4
    • 14th Jul 17, 2:47 PM
    If your ex gets tax credits etc then once this transfers over to Universal Credit homes schooling may not be possible.

    http://pyjamaschool.co.uk/universal-credit-for-home-educators/

    Something to be aware of.
    • Guest101
    • By Guest101 14th Jul 17, 2:47 PM
    • 14,637 Posts
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    Guest101
    • #5
    • 14th Jul 17, 2:47 PM
    • #5
    • 14th Jul 17, 2:47 PM
    Are there any ways I can keep an eye on her progress without relying on my daughter and her mother to keep telling me "it's going really well"?

    I personally believe my daughter is capable of high grades, her mother dropped out of school in year 10 so how is she capable of educating a secondary school child?

    I am worried her grades will start to fall and the sooner I do something about it the better. I feel helpless
    Originally posted by tawecdl

    there are no 'grades' in home schooling. Social services can step in if the education isn't sufficient, however that takes a long time and is often a red herring. the basic level of education is English and Maths GCSE.


    You need to speak to your daughter, her say so will sway a court decision if required.
    • tawecdl
    • By tawecdl 14th Jul 17, 2:56 PM
    • 1,026 Posts
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    tawecdl
    • #6
    • 14th Jul 17, 2:56 PM
    • #6
    • 14th Jul 17, 2:56 PM
    there are no 'grades' in home schooling. Social services can step in if the education isn't sufficient, however that takes a long time and is often a red herring. the basic level of education is English and Maths GCSE.


    You need to speak to your daughter, her say so will sway a court decision if required.
    Originally posted by Guest101
    Well I am in absolute shock. I cannot understand why the country is so strict on parents taking their children out of school for one week when they can take them out of school completely with no issues?

    Thank you so much for your advise. It does look like I will need to take this to court, which will cost. If there is any further information anybody can provide I would be most grateful.
    • Guest101
    • By Guest101 14th Jul 17, 3:00 PM
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    Guest101
    • #7
    • 14th Jul 17, 3:00 PM
    • #7
    • 14th Jul 17, 3:00 PM
    Well I am in absolute shock. I cannot understand why the country is so strict on parents taking their children out of school for one week when they can take them out of school completely with no issues? - it's simple. the law allows parents to choose the type of education their children receive. But if you want a 3rd party to do it, and that 3rd party is the state, then you are subject to the additional terms.

    Thank you so much for your advise. It does look like I will need to take this to court, which will cost. If there is any further information anybody can provide I would be most grateful.
    Originally posted by tawecdl
    Step one needs to be a chat with your daughter really.
    • tawecdl
    • By tawecdl 14th Jul 17, 3:12 PM
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    tawecdl
    • #8
    • 14th Jul 17, 3:12 PM
    • #8
    • 14th Jul 17, 3:12 PM
    Step one needs to be a chat with your daughter really.
    Originally posted by Guest101
    She is 12 years old, she is loving not having to go to school. I believe a lot of children her age would be the same.

    I did not think we lived in a society where ultimately a child gets to decide if they want to go to school or not... I did not get the choice when I was a child.

    I have spoken to her a lot about this and she is happy being home educated. My heart sinks and my stomach turns to know I have got to watch my daughters education deteriorate over the next 5 years and there is nothing I can do about it.
    • tawecdl
    • By tawecdl 14th Jul 17, 3:13 PM
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    tawecdl
    • #9
    • 14th Jul 17, 3:13 PM
    • #9
    • 14th Jul 17, 3:13 PM
    If your ex gets tax credits etc then once this transfers over to Universal Credit homes schooling may not be possible.

    http://pyjamaschool.co.uk/universal-credit-for-home-educators/

    Something to be aware of.
    Originally posted by Sambella
    do you have any more info on this?

    the website is very vague
    • pmlindyloo
    • By pmlindyloo 14th Jul 17, 3:14 PM
    • 10,586 Posts
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    pmlindyloo
    Well I am in absolute shock. I cannot understand why the country is so strict on parents taking their children out of school for one week when they can take them out of school completely with no issues?

    Thank you so much for your advise. It does look like I will need to take this to court, which will cost. If there is any further information anybody can provide I would be most grateful.
    Originally posted by tawecdl
    If this actually happens - ex may change her mind and daughter may do so too - it is worth reading the link below as the law is that home schooling can take place and there are few checks about the quality of the schooling

    What you need to do is apply for a prohibited steps order.

    Before you do this you will have to go to mediation with your ex.

    It is worth visiting CAB to see if they have a visiting family solicitor who would give you a short free interview to discuss this. CAB should also be able to give you contact details for mediation.

    A very useful link here:

    https://www.gov.uk/looking-after-children-divorce/types-of-court-order
    • tawecdl
    • By tawecdl 14th Jul 17, 3:39 PM
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    tawecdl
    If this actually happens - ex may change her mind and daughter may do so too - it is worth reading the link below as the law is that home schooling can take place and there are few checks about the quality of the schooling

    What you need to do is apply for a prohibited steps order.

    Before you do this you will have to go to mediation with your ex.

    It is worth visiting CAB to see if they have a visiting family solicitor who would give you a short free interview to discuss this. CAB should also be able to give you contact details for mediation.

    A very useful link here:

    https://www.gov.uk/looking-after-children-divorce/types-of-court-order
    Originally posted by pmlindyloo
    Thank you very much for this. I need to speak to CAB but their webchat service is never available, and the local office I am on hold for 25-30 minutes. But now I know they may be useful I will call them
    • chesky
    • By chesky 14th Jul 17, 3:41 PM
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    chesky
    Does your ex work?
    • tawecdl
    • By tawecdl 14th Jul 17, 3:46 PM
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    • 813 Thanks
    tawecdl
    Does your ex work?
    Originally posted by chesky
    she does work part time but I dont think she does many hours.

    She has a partner who is full time and I would expect him to be on an average wage (higher than minimum wage but only by £1 or £2 p/h more)
    • Fosterdog
    • By Fosterdog 14th Jul 17, 4:34 PM
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    Fosterdog
    Would you be able to get involved in her home schooling? Even if it's just for a few hours a week or in subjects you are stronger in than her mother.

    Sit down with your daughter and try to find out if she has any idea what she wants to do with her life (but be reasonable at twelve she may not have any idea) if she has a chosen career path or field she wants to work in do research with her into the education levels and qualifications required to get there and use it as a way to either get her to want to go back to school or as a way to help with subjects she learns.
    • FBaby
    • By FBaby 14th Jul 17, 4:45 PM
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    FBaby
    I really feel for you. You are absolutely right to be concerned about your ex home schooling when she hasn't herself finished school.

    It sounds like her decision to home school has been made on the basis of not wanting your DD to go to school rather than thinking she can do as good of a job.

    Does it mean that she believes your DD is likely to be bullied in any other school? Why? If she has a problem that will impact on her wherever she goes, maybe she needs to consider the reasons for it rather than closing herself away from kids her age.

    If I were you, I would take it through the court. Even if they agree with your ex, at least you would have done everything in your power to provide your DD with a proper education.
    • theguru
    • By theguru 14th Jul 17, 5:12 PM
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    theguru
    I've just read through the thread and like another poster, I'm shocked your ex can just remove your daughter from the school system and home school so easily...

    Yet try taking your daughter out for a week in her early years to maybe go on a holiday and it's a total no-no...

    If I was you I'd seek legal advice first and take it from there...
    • Doody
    • By Doody 15th Jul 17, 12:28 AM
    • 73 Posts
    • 159 Thanks
    Doody
    In Home Education, the parent's role is more to facilitate learning, rather than teach everything themselves. There are resources in great number from support groups, to online schools, individual tuition packages and real life activities in great number organised nationally and locally.

    Why not ask your ex what research she has done and how she plans to approach your daughter's education?

    I can understand your alarm if this is a new world to you, but it could be a very good thing.

    I've just come back from a camp for home educated youngsters. There were young people of all ages and it was inspiring to watch them negotiate rules for games, to see the older teens getting involved with the younger ones. They had social skills far more relevant to life outside school.

    The teens who had grown up home edded were doing a variety of things; college, university, working in different fields and generally were showing great coping skills with various issues that cropped up.
    • Sicard
    • By Sicard 15th Jul 17, 8:26 AM
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    Sicard
    ^^ to this. I have always preferred life skills over education but this is probably down to my own circumstances.

    I left school at 15 in the 60s with no qualifications. I'd also failed the 11 plus. Over the course of my life I worked in various jobs and ended up as a foot messenger in advertising. I worked my way up the ladder to run my own studio. When I changed career again I trained and became a psychotherapist. When I retired I became a writer. I'm not blowing my own trumpet but merely pointing out sometimes too much emphasise is placed on education. Sometimes parents unconsciously feel a need to place their own lost ambitions on their kids.

    Don't forget that assuming you want your children to go to university they'll have the weight of a huge debt on their shoulders until well into their 40/50s.

    My mum brought up 4 kids virtually single-handed and we could all cook, wash clothes, iron and all the other life skills by the age of 13.

    Good luck.
    A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his friends.
    Baltasar Gracian
    • pinkshoes
    • By pinkshoes 15th Jul 17, 9:40 AM
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    pinkshoes
    As a teacher, one of the most important things at this age is building relationships with peers.

    If she is going to be home schooled, then she needs to be attending several other social groups such as scouts/guides, a sports club etc...

    If yur ex is adamant that your daughter will be home schooled, then you need to sit down with your ex and ask her to show you the full program that she will be teaching your daughter, and make sure she is doing it properly.

    I am all for home schooling, but only when there is NO other option e.g. Local schools are awful!
    Should've = Should HAVE (not 'of')
    Would've = Would HAVE (not 'of')

    No, I am not perfect, but yes I do judge people on their use of basic English language. If you didn't know the above, then learn it! (If English is your second language, then you are forgiven!)
    • meer53
    • By meer53 15th Jul 17, 10:22 AM
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    meer53
    IMO i would do my best to ensure your daughter continues in school. My daughter was bullied between the ages of 13 and 15, the school helped to an extent but it only stopped when we involved the Police. Some of the bullying was outside school hours, a lot of it on the internet but some was face to face. It was the most difficult time for me, i'm a single parent, but at no time did i ever consider taking her out of school. She had good friends at school, some she'd known since she was a toddler and removing her from the daily contact with them would have been a mistake for her emotionally. I also felt that taking her out of school was giving in to the bully and i wasn't prepared to give this girl that satisfaction.

    OP, if you're not happy that your ex is doing this for the right reasons, fight it all the way.
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