Money Moral Dilemma: Should my friends have paid for my hen do?

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MSE_Sarah
MSE_Sarah Posts: 327 MSE Staff
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in Marriage, relationships & families
This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...
I got married recently and was expecting my friends to chip in for my share of the hen do (as that's been the custom at ones I've been to in the past). They didn't though, and I feel very disappointed. I'm not planning to pay for their share now when they get married. Am I being unreasonable?

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Comments

  • PrettyFlower90
    PrettyFlower90 Posts: 204 Forumite
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    Yes you're being unreasonable! Where do people get this entitlement from, that others should pay for them?! It's YOUR hen night for YOUR wedding, why should you not pay for yourself? I can only assume it's a hen weekend (as they've gotten out of control recently) and so people are probably already out quite a bit of money (not including the wedding as well).

    People need to taken a good look at how they're coming across. It's a night out at the end of the day, it's not the most important bit so why should others pay?
  • inkie
    inkie Posts: 2,609 Forumite
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    My daughter married last year. I paid for her 'cost' for her hen do - which was a meal out and a theatre trip. Everyone else paid for their own. I personally don't think that the bride should pay that it should be covered as a treat by others attending (cost cod be split across the group). Problem you've got is when it gets out of hand with trips abroad/weekends away etc...

    Just to add we paid for the wedding too :)
  • balletshoes
    balletshoes Posts: 16,610 Forumite
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    this is something you should have all discussed and sorted out before the event. Then you'd all know where you stood and no-one would be "very disappointed".
  • Spendless
    Spendless Posts: 24,151 Forumite
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    I'd never considered that the bride's share was paid for, but when I married 18+ years ago, the hen party was drinks and a meal, my husband's stag was just the drinks! We both paid our own way.
  • lika_86
    lika_86 Posts: 1,772 Forumite
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    Yes.

    (apparently not enough characters)
  • coolcait
    coolcait Posts: 4,803 Forumite
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    lika_86 wrote: »
    Yes.

    (apparently not enough characters)

    'Yes' - her friends should have paid?

    Or

    'Yes' - she is being unreasonable?

    Edited to add -

    Rather than write another post, I'll put my opinion in here:

    I think she is being unreasonable.
  • bigheadxx
    bigheadxx Posts: 3,047 Forumite
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    If one or other "friend" had said they would all pay in the beginning, then fine, its a treat! Its not an entitlement!
  • consumers_revenge
    consumers_revenge Posts: 3,545 Forumite
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    Bride sounds tighter than a ducks ar5e

    It's not an entitlement love!
  • gettingtheresometime
    gettingtheresometime Posts: 6,911 Forumite
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    There's a song in the musical Barnum that is called thank gawd I'm old.

    When I see first world problems like this I sing it.
  • REJP
    REJP Posts: 325 Forumite
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    I agree with "balletshoes". You should have discussed it first.
    Refusing to contribute to friends partys is petty and spiteful. Costs for stag and hen do's are getting out of hand anyway.
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