Real-life MMD: Should we speak up about lunch arrangement?

magentalady · 28 September 2012 at 9:15AM

If it was a question of money then I doubt your friends would be going to the pub at all - it is probably more expensive for them to go to the pub, even just paying their own share, than to provide you with a meal at their home (although someone has pointed out, that does depend on how grand an affair these home-cooked meals usually are). Perhaps they just genuinely think that a trip to the pub is more fun for everyone.

However, perhaps this isn't a very 'moneysaving' attitude to have, but I think that the point of meeting up with your friends is surely to spend time with them and enjoy their company, not to make sure that everyone's money is spent in exactly the same way. If you're getting so hung up on what it costs everyone, then I wonder whether you actually enjoy spending time with these people.

I cook for my friends regularly because I enjoy cooking for them. I never give a thought to how much it's cost me or expect them to reimburse me the money at a later date, although they usually bring enough beer/wine/dessert that my fridge is still overflowing for days afterwards! Those friends have never had me round for a home-cooked meal because they just don't enjoy cooking, and I would never begrudge them that.

Just enjoy spending time with your friends!

rwgray · 28 September 2012 at 11:03AM

Are you still enjoying these occasions? That's all that really matters. Your enquiry suggests not...

...but it's fascinating having now read all of the posts. Some people get so carried away with lunch that it manages to be more expensive than eating out. If it was a one-off fancy home dinner-party I'd understand. But this is just a regular lunch, main course. You could be quite lavish and not spend more than a tenner for four people. I can easily provide fresh, tasty starters and a spicy, filling casserole for less than that! So long as they bring dessert and wine, they're practically "going Dutch" already, no?

Is the issue about your labour when preparing fresh meals, or the expense when going to theirs?

Rich.x

little_miss_spender · 30 September 2012 at 4:00AM

You know what I would just say lets forget the arrangement idea and if we wanna go to the pub then we pay for our own meals and our own drinks etc. That way everyone pays for what they can afford and there is no arguments.
As far as the inviting people round for lunch, no arrangement if you feel generous and want to invite your friends for dinner/lunch then be normal and provide all the food, cook all the food, clean up yourself and just ask them to bring a bottle.
That way there is no arguments and if you dont feel like doing it then don't and it should be pointed out that your friend do not have to recipricate, it is done out of the kindness of your heart.

JayD · 1 October 2012 at 1:17PM

At the following 'their turn' pub meal - When arranging YOUR next turn - why not say "Going to a pub is a very pleasant change. Let's do it again when you come to us!" That way you stop messing about shopping, cooking and washing up. Let it become a new pattern of alternating 'meals at your pub/our pub' instead - where everyone goes dutch and no one feels used or taken for granted.

Edwardia · 2 October 2012 at 8:02PM

Why not take them to a pub and ask for half x2 then suggest that you both do Meal Deal things (M&S, Tesco, Ocado do them) to set budget.

It should be fun to see friends not an expensive chore.

miriamm · 9 October 2012 at 4:13PM

I'm assuming that as you've been friends for a while, you know them well enough to know that there's no physical reason for them needing to eat out rather than cook.

You have 2 options I would say, depending on what sort of people they are:

1. The indirect option: next time it's your turn, take them to a pub and see how they react. The danger is that they might not react at all in which case you're back to square one.
2. The direct option: ask them if they'd simply rather that the arrangement changed so that you all go out every time? If yes, then make that the new arrangement, and agree properly on who pays for what. If no, then you can have a discussion about what you do want to do. Perhaps they don't want a meal at all and would rather do something completely different for a change?

If you don't want to go out but they do, then you all need to decide on a compromise, since it seems that the current "compromise" isn't working for you (although they probably think it is, if you haven't said anything so far).

Either way, the aim of all this is to see your friends and have a nice (affordable) time, whether at home or out, and whether a meal is involved or not. And if you are all good friends, it should be doable without a lot of drama! Good luck!

Real-life MMD: Should we speak up about lunch arrangement?

Comments

Categories

Get our FREE Weekly email full of deals & guides - and it’s spam-free