Real-life MMD: Should we speak up about lunch arrangement?

beed

Like others have said I suspect there is more to this than your friends being cheapskates!

I often do exactly the same thing with friends. join friends for dinner or have them to mine, and I find that bringing the wine & dessert is easily as expensive as providing the main meal. Throw in a nice cheese or two and it can be much more expensive.

Plus, unless they've always been a bit cheap (which surely you would have noticed before), they may well be saving face about something. I'd tread gently.

1Marybd

Why are you afraid of speaking up to your friends? They need to know that the original arrangement was a way of sharing the work and cost of the get-together. They have changed the plan to suit themselves. Find a way to bring it up, discuss amongst yourselves how you want to continue. Good luck!

Mouseboy007

+1 for scotsbob!

DustD

This is difficult to quantify without knowing what your lunches consist of. Is it a grandiose 3 course affair or a cheese sandwich and a Kit Kat?

If they are bringing wine or dessert, this is likely to cost £5 or more so if we are counting the pennies - what you provide for them?

On the other hand, you are going to the effort of preparing something and it seems they can't be bothered to (but again this is difficult to quantify as we don't know what you make for lunch).

If you think your being hard done by, I'd suggest always going to the pub but instead of going Dutch, each couple pays for what they had.

But without a better idea of the arrangement its hard to tell who is losing out, if anyone.

Brian_Steele

Next time they suggest the pub, say "Why don't you just come to us again instead: it's probably cheaper."

That way it probably will save you money and might shame them into hosting again the next time.

Alternatively, you could say, very politely, "Do you mind if we don't go to the pub, as we have been eating out a lot recently and it does get rather expensive." They might just take the hint.

alittlemadam

You could all save in a kitty the same amount each week, month etc and when it comes to eating out in the pub or a home cooked meal, everybody contributes equal amounts to each meal regardless of how much it costs.

It really is swings and roundabouts, but if you feel that strongely say something, Dont wait until your in a pub with a few glasses of red wine in you as you could end up saying something you really do regret and losing your friends

My friends and I when we go out all put £5 in a kitty at the start of the night if we dont have enough for a further round midway then we all add another £2 and donate whats left if any to charity or keep it til next time we go out.

Robbo1967

I have a similar arrangement for Sunday lunch. We alternate whose house we go to and each week we bring plenty of wine / beer to the hosts house. There have been times when we have gone to the pub, but have pre-arranged it and the bill is split. Then the following week, the person who would have hosted the previous week when we went to the pub, hosts. In my opinion, if you are not having notice of the visit to the pub and splitting the bill, this is unfair. A meal can be provided for a reasonable amount - we should know, given the website we are on! I would ask them to give notice of the pub lunch, if they don't do already, and then say that financially you can't do it regularly and ask when they will be going back to hosting again.

pennypinchUK

The key word here is "friends". If they are friends you should have no problem talking to them about it with them.

Talent

If they are not friends you can discuss this with openly, then they are not really friends. You also have to be very careful when 'going dutch', some take advantage and choose the more expensive dishes.
I would suggest that the next time you 'go dutch'.... don't! Just say you don't want pub lunches, you much prefer the home cooking you used to get.... and see what happens.

shehen23

I'm sure that your friends are not trying to diddle you. Not everyone enjoys hosting dinner parties. TBH it's my idea of a nightmare - give me a pub or restaurant anytime. Hours of work to produce a meal that your guests might not even enjoy, worrying about whether your home is up to scratch, and then there's the old problem, you're exhausted but your guests won't leave. I know a lot of people love having people over for dinner and that's fine if it's a mutual pleasure shared by you and your friends but if not then it's really not fair to expect other people to want to do the same.
Maybe your friends have come to the conclusion that whilst they love your company and look forward to sharing a meal and a glass of wine with you, they just can't face the stress and hassle of providing food and drink at their place. They probably feel that all in all the cost works out about the same but obviously if you believe that you are contributing more then you need to rethink your nights out and how you organise them.
I really find it difficult to believe that some people on here are saying that your friends can't be true friends simply because they don't reciprocate your love of hosting dinners in their own home.