Real-life MMD: Should we speak up about lunch arrangement?

hellienellie

If you feel so strongly about the situation then you should discuss how you feel . Ask them why they have changed the system as they might have a good reason for doing so .

bundance

If you're clearly losing out of pocket, it's best to speak up as it is not a fair arrangement.

milvusvestal

This tale reminds me of a time when I was invited to join work colleagues in a pub every Friday for their lunchtime social. Rather than paying for their own drinks, everyone was expected to put £5 or so into a kitty and, as usual, it became apparent very quickly that some were consuming rather more than their fair share and having drinks they hadn't paid for. I never went again.

Sounds like your so-called friends are performing the same smoke and mirrors trick at your expense. To smooth the ground, you might want to explain that, for example, you prefer home-cooked food, rather than processed food straight from a microwave, and you don't want to hang around for half an hour before it's served up in an atmosphere of background noise. If you prefer the more honest or brazen approach, then explain that you're happy to go along with the idea, but you'll pay only for what you eat and drink, and not go "Dutch". You'll soon find how good the friendship is - if they're genuine friends, they'll understand and agree to what is a fair and reasonable solution.

malkypaul

Why not play them at thier own game and when it's "your turn" go to your local pub/resturant only a much better/more expensive one than they would have chosen, and then go Dutch! perhaps they will get the message, (though probably not).

In the words of the Hill Street Blues "Do it to them before they do it to us"

Arthog

As others have said, I'd find the idea of cooking the meal at home a complete nightmare nowadays. I have got to this stage of life and I guess your friends have too. I don't do it any more either!
We go out with friends quite often, taking turns to choose the venue, and we split the bill equally at the end. It's 'Swings and Roundabouts' - all works out equal in the end. Also, we get vouchers, and go for two-for-one deals. One of the national chains has a 2 for 1 deal on all of the main courses.
Go out and have a good time! Life is too short!

Primrose

It depends what age your friends are. If they are elderly, it may be that they're getting to the point where they can no longer cope with the hassle of cooking and shopping for guests and going to a pub is an easy option. They may not have thought through the cost implications.

JillieA

If you all enjoy your get-togethers, complaining about the arrangements will cast a shadow over it for all of you. Instead, next time it's your turn to host, you take them to the pub and expect them to go Dutch. If they object, you will have a perfect opening to discuss the whole situation calmly. If they don't, paying your corner will probably not cost more than hosting at home and you haven't done any work. It may be that you'll all enjoy this arrangement, since as long as the venue is nice and not too expensive, it may be more relaxing for everyone.:T

Ebenezer_Screwj

You should point out to your friends that the host pays, so if you are in a pub when it's their turn - they pay. If they take the view that going to the pub falls outside the regular arrangement then the week after it is still their turn to be hosts and provide the main course, as usual.

LameWolf

Primrose wrote: »

It depends what age your friends are. If they are elderly, it may be that they're getting to the point where they can no longer cope with the hassle of cooking and shopping for guests and going to a pub is an easy option. They may not have thought through the cost implications.

Primrose has neatly said what I was trying to think how to say.

I notice several posters have said that cooking for visitors is their idea of a nightmare - it would be mine, also; even providing a home-baked cake for a guest causes me major anxiety.

I wonder if your friends have done it for a while and now find the idea so scary that they're taking the "easy option" of the pub? The best way to find out, surely, is to have a chat with them - maybe start the ball rolling by saying you miss the lady's home-made whatever-she-was-particularly-good-at? Just a thought.:o

Augustus_the_Strong

Take them to the pub next time, and if you're paying half-half, make sure you order the expensive things and get your money's worth. Or just tell them you can't afford it - "sorry, count us out this time" and see what they say.