Real-life MMD: Should we speak up about lunch arrangement?

Little_Leita

Just from a personal point of view:

I am very sociable. However, anything but a domestic goddess (more a domestic disaster) - I love to see people but I find that if I have them over I don't get any time to actually enjoy the evening... I'm too busy with cooking, stressing out that the food is edible, cleaning up, getting changed, serving, hosting, washing up etc etc, It's possible that you are an amazing cook / hostess with an amazing house and she feels her offerings and home don't 'measure up', it may be that they just want to enjoy your company over a meal and a drink without worrying about the washing up, the time spent cooking, the state of the house, whether the loo is clean etc etc. Also it avoids those potentially awkward moments when you're shattered and want to go to bed - it's a lot more polite to say 'we really must head off' than 'would you mind going home now?' - this also leaves the option for others to stay out for another drink if they want to make a night of it.

They maybe haven't even considered the financial side of things, but I'd suggest the same as some of the others have - suggest eating out when they come to you too. You'll soon know if they are freeloading.

A.Jones

I can see the alternative moral dilemma next week.

We regularly meet up with some friends for lunch, but they are taking things way to far. They insist on everyone going round their house, showing off how great their house is, how they can afford a vast spread of food and the time to prepare such a meal. We prefer to keep things simple. Our dining room is too small, so we just go down the pub. We feel they are putting pressure on us to cook expensive meals at home, when really we just want to have a nice meal and catch up with friends, not spend all our time in the kitchen.

Cookie1986

Maybe they thought it would be nice to go out for a change. Yes, I would worry if they ordered Steak and you ordered salad but I’m sure if they are friends they won’t be out to get a subsidised meal.

I would take it as an excuse to go to my favourite restaurant/pub when it is your turn :j

I think they just wanted to go to the pub and didn’t think you might lose out on a few quid. Just go and enjoy yourself.:beer:

sgt1439hux

If something troubles you about this, deal with it promptly, the longer you put up with it the more your friends will think its OK.
Perhaps you could turn the conversation around to inflation and the fact that you have noticed how much things are going up and your money does not seem to go as far lately. You may find that they are having the same problems once it is out in the open an amicable resolution should be fairly easy.
Remember they who leave it, agree with it.

vpeake

Little_Leita wrote: »

Just from a personal point of view:

I am very sociable. However, anything but a domestic goddess (more a domestic disaster) - I love to see people but I find that if I have them over I don't get any time to actually enjoy the evening... I'm too busy with cooking, stressing out that the food is edible, cleaning up, getting changed, serving, hosting, washing up etc etc, It's possible that you are an amazing cook / hostess with an amazing house and she feels her offerings and home don't 'measure up', it may be that they just want to enjoy your company over a meal and a drink without worrying about the washing up, the time spent cooking, the state of the house, whether the loo is clean etc etc. Also it avoids those potentially awkward moments when you're shattered and want to go to bed - it's a lot more polite to say 'we really must head off' than 'would you mind going home now?' - this also leaves the option for others to stay out for another drink if they want to make a night of it.

They maybe haven't even considered the financial side of things, but I'd suggest the same as some of the others have - suggest eating out when they come to you too. You'll soon know if they are freeloading.

I can totally see your point of view, however cooking at home is considerably cheaper than going the pub and paying for everyone. It's even cheaper if you get everyone to pay dutch! Therefore the person who is taking them the pub on their time, should either pay for their food or start cooking at home again

TheFlyingGerbil

Go to the pub and when the bill arrives say you're only paying for your desert and drinks as that's how it works when they come to your house.

silverswan

I'd ask your friends if they would prefer to just go to the pub each time you meet. If they say "yes," you could always say that you find it a bit expensive compared to the other arrangement, and if they say "no," you could then say that that's great as you have always enjoyed their house/food or whatever, and get back on track again.
If going to the pub was a one off thing it would be ok, but as it stands, they would appear to be having an easier time and because you haven't spoken up, they think it's acceptable.

cuba2008

I'm with silverswan on this one - although I'd suggest just going to the pub to eat every time, rather than faffing around at home and see what they think. I work and cook most evenings so, if we are seeing friends for a meal, we tend to go out. My sister in law and I used to take turns cooking a Sunday roast but we both work now and quite frankly going out has so many advantages - you can try a different pub and you don't all have to have the same thing. It's fine cooking at home for others as a one off but, to be fair, the moment something becomes a regular habit, it rapidly loses it's charm! However, unless you are all eating meals that cost around the same (and drinking about the same amount), I would want separate bills. May sound harsh but it saves a lot of tension if anyone in the party feels the need to work their way through the menu/bar.

seven-day-weekend

I would much prefer to take my friends to the pub. My husband would prefer to cook.

Surely if you ar having to bring desserts and wine, then it costs as much as a pub lunch anyway? Round our way you can have the local carvery for £3.99, a two meals for £10 option, or buy one and get one for £1 option. It works out about the same as bringing your own wine/dessert. (Except of course those prices are just for the main meals, but then you have a choice of buying your own wine or dessert).

I wouldn't go dutch on these occasions, each couple should pay for their own.

karma240

I can see why it would be a problem, I find going out far more expensive than staying in and don't have a problem cooking. However it would be better to speak to them and just ask before getting all cross thinking they are tricking you.

If you enjoy cooking then suggest always at yours, if it's just something you do without fussing but don't actively enjoy then suggest making it a meal out every week but each week swap the responsibility of finding the best vouchers! You can say the expense is building up but you enjoy seeing them so could you eat out on vouchers or, radical idea, just meet up for dessert and drinks. It's what we do with family friends, swap over who provides which and there's no shame in shop bought (I like to bake, they really don't).