Natural Burial

lessonlearned wrote: »

Whilst I understand the legality as to the next of kin being responsible for the "disposal of the deceased's remains" I do think there is a moral dimension at work too.

If the deceased has made their wishes known then I think we are morally obligated to try and fulfil those wishes.

If we loved the deceased then why would we not want to do that one last service for them, especially if it means so much to them. I see it as a final act of love, cherishing their memory.

An important legal principle is that the disposal of human remains is entirely down to a decision of the next of kin. There is no legal right for the deceased to have their expressed wishes complied with. You can say 'I want ...' however if your next of kin disagrees then it won't happen.

However, I hope it's not often that that happens as respecting the wishes of a loved one is a moral decision.

Covered it!

And to add that his cardboard coffin and cremation was just as expensive as the traditional items - this was twenty years ago and the funeral directors had to travel from Glasgow to Carlisle to collect the coffin and the crematorium charged much more as they had to apply for a different emissions certificate.

I'm hoping that things are easier these days.

I discussed what I want with my son. I've told him I will put it writing.

I already have an envelope containing a copy my will, power of attorney, advance directive for medical care, insurance policy etc. He knows where to find all my bank details, financial bits and pieces. I think I'm pretty sorted now. :rotfl:

As you say it is liberating. I can forget about it and get on with my life.

I'm in the process of setting up a "what to do when I die" file. I've left it a bit late as usual. My name on here should actually be 'Queen of procrastination'. I have very little family left, just my son & my sister. My sister and I are in agreement that nothing could be worse for my son than being in the position of 'first mourner'. So we have both gone for very basic arrangements. We were both brought up atheists & have stuck with that (quite unusual for the time) so that is another issue out of the way. I find it really interesting though, that although my sister and I are SO different in most ways, we are in total agreement in this. For those who wonder - our parents are about to be reunited (last one scattered in other words) so that they can continue to argue until the end of time/hell freezes over. All without benefit of clergy - apart from the wedding of course.

Just re-read that & realised it sounds a bit cynical. It isn't - it is just meant as an "each to his own" type comment. We are very happy with our arrangements as many others are with their totally opposite arrangements. In real life I have only come across one person who does not agree with my arrangements. Whoops told him that he will be dead before me so his opinion doesn't matter!!

It's interesting, isn't it. Very true that there are many more options nowadays.

When my daughter died at the end of 2002, a few weeks earlier she and I had discussed 'green burials'. I hadn't heard of them before but she had found out about them because that was the way her mind worked. She was a passionate 'greenie'. We both thought 'what a good idea'. Obviously we thought I'd be the first to go and I mentioned it to DH. Unfortunately she didn't mention it to her husband. When she died very suddenly it threw everyone into a tailspin. Those who loved her were so shocked, unable to think straight, but I remembered what she'd said. Very unfortunately, her MIL was there and she was very much against burials of any kind. Her mum had been buried on Canvey where the ground is very damp and she even said 'mum's coffin floated'. I doubt if that was the case, but of course, my SIL listened to his mother and not to me. The only concession he made was a wicker coffin and not a wooden one, for the cremation.

Since then, it seems to me that cremation is the default position, what everyone automatically thinks of. There is usually a considerable delay, 2-3 weeks, and I think that is very disrespectful. I tend to agree with the Jews and the Muslims, that it should be quicker than that. It may be due to delays at the crematorium or it may be due to time needed to organise a social event afterwards, but I just do not like the idea of being kept in cold storage for that length of time.

Nearly a year ago we had a funeral to go to, a friend of ours who died very suddenly in his early 50s, and that was a cremation. The funeral was conducted by his sister-in-law. Now another friend of ours died last week very suddenly, aged 47. Her funeral - cremation - is on the 28th. A lot of discussion on her husband's Facebook page and someone said 'it's a lovely crematorium, my mother and 2 other relatives were cremated there' so automatically thinking 'cremation'. It's desperately sad because we went to their wedding 2 years ago in August. They'd just been to the cinema and she suffered a bleed on the brain, eventually died when her life support system was switched off.

As for me, it's just 3 weeks ago today that I had revision of R hip replacement, the hip that was replaced in 1987. I'm on the 'rapid release' programme, with physio and nursing visits at home. I've also had a chest infection to contend with, maybe acquired during the 3 days/2 nights in hospital, who knows. We are going to the funeral nevertheless, even though it will involve an overnight stay in a HolidayInn locally. Physio thinks it will be OK.

Yes, we have beliefs, and yes, we do want prayers. When we were told that Karen would be switched off at 5 pm last Thursday, I said the Catholic Prayer for the Dying and DH said Amen. I don't know what her beliefs were - their wedding was civil, in a hotel. But my way of thinking is, any prayer is never wasted.