Wife having an affair and suddenly asking for a divorce
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Maybe she didn't, just carried on as normal, never gave any indication of unhappiness and lined up the OP's replacement so she could move smoothly from one man to the next without saying a word until she left.Maybe she did and OP wasn't listening. We don't know. I think it will help OP to know the actual story. It sounds like he hasn't a clue and this has come completely out of the blue. People who are happy in their marriages don't tend to have affairs.
Either way, there is no excuse for infidelity. If she was unhappy she should have ended the marriage first, moved out into her own place and then gone looking for a new man.Proud member of the wokerati, though I don't eat tofu.Home is where my books are.Solar PV 5.2kWp system, SE facing, >1% shading, installed March 2019.Mortgage free July 20230 -
Hi guys,
Thank you all for the replies.
For all of you upset, beating the crap out of the other guy was what i "wish" I could do, obviously this would not be sensible nor it would solve any of my issues, so no need to take this literally. I have seen from experience that my female friends would never ever get close to a married guy unless he was really something out of this world. Sadly, that's not the case for my male friends, hence the feeling! Nevertheless I don't know both sides of the story and I know she's just as guilty as he is...
As to life, yes things were complicated in the sense that I have been working and studying and babysitting for nearly half of our time as a married couple, so difficulties did arise. I wouldn't say this was necessarily something out of the ordinary, many other couples face more serious issues.
I never failed with nothing to my family during the period, no mater how hard achieving that has been. My partner was unemployed for a portion of last year, so she got really frustrated I wasn't at home and I suspect this is where things started. I think it would be unfair to blame the husband who's out working for not spending time with her during this period, although I can understand she would not feel the best. Nevertheless, I think simply moving on was perhaps a bit too selfish...
I don't normally go trough her things, I just happened to be curious yesterday. As bilbodreams mentioned, it certainly doesn't help me feel better, but at least gives me some time to plan things and be aware of what's happening.
Now work...
I am currently employed until the 27th before changing jobs in October, but its a 20H/week job and the pay is not all that good. It sufficed while I was studying, with some extra hours here and there. Nevertheless, I did a career change and for all purposes, I'm just one of the many graduates looking for a job, many 10 years younger than me, so I don't think it would be wise to let go a good opportunity I already have, and all the hard work I had!
Pollycat, Yes we did arrangements and agreed with a nanny (someone we trust) to cover the periods she's away. I'm away, but obviously sending my share of whatever bills, so my OH is well taken care!! This was talked when I was offered the job, back in May, so we had plenty of time to go over things.
I do come back to the UK from time to time , I have some holiday time, just as everyone else, what her announcement means is that ill probably wont really have a place to stay when I get back. If she decides to move out shell probably just pack her stuff and leave me to pay the full rent/council tax, etc! - When I return Ill be based 100 miles away, so if she doesn't agree to move (which is seeming highly unlikely now) Ill be in a bit of trouble to see my daughter and I'm pretty sure she wont give me custody either.
paddy's mum, My OH had a post birth depression that lasted several years. I was virtually forbidden to be close to other woman and had to accommodate my life in such a way. This was a trauma from her father memories, as far as I know. I always needed to have a friend with me who she could call to check... It was a bit of a nightmare and only started to improve about a year or two ago. In fact we were happy we managed to overcome this, it was embarrassing when people asked...
Hard to believe the one thing was so worried in the beginning is exactly what she turned out to do herself... Talk about genetics...0 -
I really hate how one sided this forum is. If a woman appears on here saying their husband is having an affair the man is ripped apart. If a man says his wife is having an affair apparently it's still the mans fault. People really need to take a look at themselves and start to consider why their attitudes are so sexist.0
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There seems to be a fair number of posters who aren't saying it's the man's fault on this thread.I really hate how one sided this forum is. If a woman appears on here saying their husband is having an affair the man is ripped apart. If a man says his wife is having an affair apparently it's still the mans fault. People really need to take a look at themselves and start to consider why their attitudes are so sexist.
Personally, my attitude to indidelity is exactly the same regardless of the sex of the poster.0 -
I really hate how one sided this forum is. If a woman appears on here saying their husband is having an affair the man is ripped apart. If a man says his wife is having an affair apparently it's still the mans fault. People really need to take a look at themselves and start to consider why their attitudes are so sexist.
not from here Gavin, I'm of the opinion that where there is an affair taking place, the blame lies firmly with the married one in the couple having the affair, regardless of whether they are male or female. The blame does not lie with the other participant in the affair - bottom line for me is and has always been, the married one is the one with the responsibility to consider the effects of their actions.0 -
Couldn't have said it any better Gavin83.
If a woman has an affair, something drove her to it. If a man does it, he's a cheating <<insert preferred insult>>.0 -
There seems to be a fair number of posters who aren't saying it's the man's fault on this thread.
Personally, my attitude to indidelity is exactly the same regardless of the sex of the poster.
Well that's good. I agree with you. I think the 'victim' probably has to take some of the blame in the failings of their relationship but it's not their fault their partner can't keep their underwear on.
I'm not even singling out certain posters, just the general direction such threads go. I've even seen gender neutral threads before where someone has asked the gender of the OP, like it matters.balletshoes wrote: »not from here Gavin, I'm of the opinion that where there is an affair taking place, the blame lies firmly with the married one in the couple having the affair, regardless of whether they are male or female. The blame does not lie with the other participant in the affair - bottom line for me is and has always been, the married one is the one with the responsibility to consider the effects of their actions.
Wasn't referring to the 3rd party in the affair but I take your point and I agree with you.0 -
Not in my book.Couldn't have said it any better Gavin83.
If a woman has an affair, something drove her to it. If a man does it, he's a cheating <<insert preferred insult>>.
Either attempt to resolve your marital issues or end the relationship before going out and shagging somebody else.
Whether you're male or female, it makes no difference.0 -
It sounds a very lonely life. Your wife was the major breadwinner and was looking forward to you qualifying and having a normal family life and now you are still going to be an absent husband and father.
I don't agree women only cheat with men who are "something special " in my experience most women cheat with a man who pays them attention and makes them feel good about themselves whilst their husband takes them for granted. Looks or money have little to do with it.I Would Rather Climb A Mountain Than Crawl Into A Hole
MSE Florida wedding .....no problem0
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