ex and would be ex-gamblers support thread

Please can I join? I don't gamble but my OH does (well, he says he's stopped now). I could do with some support if he starts again and blows the bill money and things.

And yet a week ago...

Some of you may notice a slight change in my signature.

At the start of the year i started gambling in an online casino. I had been playing poker on and off for some time, being careful to play only freerolls or the money i won in those tournaments in actual money tournaments. I had stopped depositing money after my LBM when i joined this site.

Worst thing possible happened - i started winning.
I know it sounds odd but while i wasn't winning, i didn't have any extra money to spend but in the course of a few month i won over £3,000 playing poker with "free" money. Instead of just withdrawing it i tried to see how high i could take the balance - that's when i noticed the slots in the casino.

I played a little on a new game and won a little, so i increased the stakes and won. While i was doing this i withdrew funds so that i wouldn't just spend them again, but after a while, started depositing to try to win more. Sometimes i did.

Did you know that you are only allowed 30 transactions a day on a credit or debit card? Guess how i found that out. I admit that i had a large profit at one stage, but i was just trying to round it up before stopping... then i was just trying to get back to where the balance had been... then i must be about due for a win... then i used my credit cards to continue. That was the first time. I looked at the betting history recently and in a 3 month period i had gambled a total of almost £1.5M

With the help of my folks, i got the cards paid off and excluded myself from the casino. This was a mistake. 1

I should have cancelled my account with the site completely but thought i was safe now that i couldn't access the casino. Started to play poker again so that i might be able to recoup some of the losses. 2

I had won a little at the tables but only a few pounds - then i saw that blackjack had been added as a feature on the poker software. I had avoided going in to the website but started playing blackjack and depositing money again. Managed to stop this before it got totally out of control and managed to put it on a 0% card. Approx £2,300 which i got down to £1,600.

I had uninstalled all the poker applications and managed to make payments towards all my debts. About a week ago, my father had asked if i had closed the cards - which i said no to. There was £1600 on one of the cards and i had £1623 in the bank. I was going to transfer this once i was sure that my loan DD had come out. They went off to visit my gran who was recently diagnosed with cancer.

I got a call from them when i was checking the accounts - i had £23 in my account and only the "known" debts to worry about. Got a call from dad who said that gran may not have long left. Guess what 3

I went onto the gambling site again and into one of their games section. £1623 soon became alot less, then i panicked and started with the CC. The following night i was struggling not to go back to try to recover some of what i had lost. I knew i might be able to cover the repayment with what i had left each month after my payrise but no willpower. Tried to keep the stakes low but wasn't winning and just getting more depressed. I played on and off for a few days staying at about the same level of debt.

Saturday, i went to see my Gran in the hospice. Really not looking good and heavily drugged. Came home alone as my folks were staying over the weekend instead of travelling back. Back on the computer again and got a call from my sister inlaw - sounded as if she'd been crying. Brother had just started a new job and arranged to go on a golf outing, which is why he hadn't visited gran. He came back drunk and SIL wouldn't let him hold the baby (for obvious reasons). It seems he lost it and SIL called the police. He was outside the house when they took him away. He works in the accounting sector so having a criminal record is a very big no no - not to mention that he's just started at a new company. SIL seemed to be ok and a friend called round to see her at that point. Me in debt, gran dying brother with 2 young kids may lose his job if not his career - yup, back to gambling.

By the time i stopped and tried to get back to reality, i had added £9,600 to my debt. £8,000 of which is a cash advance from a CC.

I have applied for a 0% Virgin card but no idea if i'll get one or what limit i'll have. I have an empty HBOS card with £2,700 limit i might be able to get a 0% offer on for existing customers and possibly transfer the £1,600 from the RBS to it. If i can then get a 0% for the RBS i would have about £5.5k to transfer the high APR LTSB debt to if i don't get a good credit limit from Virgin. Already looking for a 2nd job (again) but i think i can cover the minimum payments, although obviously the Virgin card would save me with the £25 minimum payment.

Another problem - Dad has been asking me, just in the past week, if i want to invest in an ISA. One of the problems with living at home is that my dad and i share the same name. I have middle names wich is about the only way we can get the correct mail, but even then; once he sees i'm getting mail from another bank - i may need to find somewhere else to live.

I can't believe how stupid i've been or how blind i've been to my problem. My problem isn't gambling. When i get stressed i gamble. When i get depressed i gamble. When i panic i gamble. Gambling is my crutch - i need to work out the other problems or this may never get resolved. Then i can hopefully deal with any gambling problem i do have. When i wasn't gambling, i missed it for a short while, but soon was quite ok with it. Needless to say the website account has been closed in full so there is no going back to that. If i intend to gamble now i will need to physically input my card details so the chances of that should be zero.

Hopefully i'll soon be able to get that figure steadily dropping. I just wonder if i'll be at the same address when it does. My folks are comfortable, but they aren't well off. Both are retired so it is only their investments and my fathers work pension that the live off. I pay £280 rent and £170 repayment towards the loan my dad gave me but i should never have put them in this position. They only found out about the original debt bacause my father opened a statement he thought was for him (they had left out my initial) and he saw all the money going in and out of the account.

You can't take half measures with gambling. It's all or nothing. If you are going to stop - close all accounts and uninstall all software. Excluding yourself from parts of a site is of little use. Hope someone learns from my mistake. Hopefully i do too. :mad:

I think it`s a great idea to start a sub board on the subject. I think that gambling will explode in the next few years. I gambled for 20 years and have enjoyed many years in recovery. My particular fear is online gambling. In the old days when i gambled you had to go out to play. Now, of course, it is in your home and you can do it on credit card.

I hate the ``niceification``of TV ads regarding gambling. All to suck in people. Nasty stuff.

Apart from GA there are a lot of support agencies for gamblers. Yes, a great idea. Gamblers ( or ex ) sub board.

george, reading your post reminded myself of myself. very similar story. my coping mechanisms arent that good. started with online sites just playing football matches for low stakes. then i found the games rooms and played for fun then low stakes. i actually won approx £2000 nd was clearing some debts. got sucked in so to speak. played witha bank of £600ish, would win £25 then bank it,i found a system that wa working.
losing bet on black jack, double my stake, lose, double the stake...etc etc until i win. all of a sudden £0 bank. dip into cc, withdraw £1000 and win it back. this was succesful for about 5 times.

but 1 losing run continued ending up losng £10000 in about 20 minutes, gone.

devasting, next night aim to win £200 and bank it

bet on black - lose
bet on black - lose
bet on black - lose
bet on black - lose
bet on black - lose
bet on black - lose

another £5000 gone in under5 mins

time to do something about it

been going GA for 3 weeks - its reaslly helping
told OH - nightmare 3 weeks
contemplated suicide
came on here looking fr help
thanks to everyone who offered support and advice,
i dont know any of you but love you all xx
contact cccs, weve set up a DMP
downloaded gamblock on my computer for £20 per year
self excluded myself from all bookies in area
looks like marriage is ok
OH manages all my money until i can win back trust

i feel so much better than i did 3 weeks ago

geroge considering what you are going through yourself, i aam so grateful for all your kind words.

there is light at the end of the tunnel and im determined to beat this andkeep my family

best wishes everyone

george, i really think its a good idea to put gamblock onto your computer. because it seems like myselfwhen things go wrong we in the past have turned to gambling. gamblock takes away 1 of your ways that you can do it.

its been tough this last week because ive always had a small ish bet on the football and have really struggled to keep out of the bookies for a cheeky 5er bet. but ive done it.

no more scratch cards, lottery tickets, raffle tickets, £1 in the bandit. nada

its got to be that way, my wife has given me my final chance, i cant mess it up.

as for the house - well its still in joint names, my creditors cant touch it. ive taken my name off our joint account and have solely a basic account with tsb.

good luck everyone in trying to beat this.

GA has helped me and so has this site, ive been able to open up to people that have or are going through it. it wasnt scary and these people at GA are there for me everyday and give me support.

best wishes everyone, stay strong

1 day at atime, just for today, i will not gamble