Money Moral Dilemma: How should I tell my sister I can't afford these gifts?
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Former_MSE_Nick
Posts: 463 Forumite
Recently my sister has got into the habit of buying surprise gifts for our mum, and then asking me and our siblings if we want to contribute after the fact. How do I tell her I can't afford to keep doing this without sounding tight?
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Comments
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Like most of these so-called 'dilemmas', this doesn't seem to be one.
If you can afford them and are just being tight, say nothing and pay up.
If you really can't afford them, then you aren't being tight. Just tell her the truth; she's not a mind reader! You don't need to prevaricate or dress it up, or enter into a discussion/argument.0 -
She's your sister! Just tell her that's the situation and she can like it or lump it. Especially if she's younger than you because frankly younger sisters deserve everything they get !0
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I just don't understand these sort of 'dilemmas'. Why on earth don't you tell her? Not with your Mum in the room, obviously ! Don't your other siblings object to being forced to hand over contributions - I bet they do.
If your sister wants to give your Mum a nice little something occasionally, that her prerogative, but it isn't a collective decision.
Can't we have some proper dilemmas PULEESE !0 -
In fairness to the MSE 'dilemma' creators...
i) a huge number of the threads posted on this part of the forum simply wouldn't exist if the people involved just spoke to the source of their 'dilemma', rather than seeking advice and/or validation from anonymous internet posters.
ii) if the MSE dilemma creators were to follow up their original post with 'further information' and 'reasons' why speaking to the source of the dilemma wasn't possible...
and if they used a new user-name every time, with the 'ALERT NEWBIE!' flag on the left-hand side...
it might be hard to distinguish the made-up moneysaving moral dilemmas from the average thread.
At least the MSE dilemma creators have the courage of their convictions (or the dictates of whichever body regulates them) and put it forward in the way that they do.0 -
Just thank her for inviting you to join in with the present she has bought, but it's ok, you've sorted something else out/ have something else in mind/don't like it etc. She'll soon get the message and either reduce what she spends or spend as much but from herself only. Either way won't involve you. Be aware too- not sure how old you are- but Mum will know on the quiet what's going on really
One last bit of advice, don't give way to any deep seated sibling rivalry and get into a competition- it's the last thing any mum would want, trust me. good luck, stay cool and in control. 0 -
Just tell her that she should ask beforehand if she wants to buy joint gifts.“All shall be well, and all shall be well and all manner of thing shall be well.”0
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This^^^^Like most of these so-called 'dilemmas', this doesn't seem to be one.
If you can afford them and are just being tight, say nothing and pay up.
If you really can't afford them, then you aren't being tight. Just tell her the truth; she's not a mind reader! You don't need to prevaricate or dress it up, or enter into a discussion/argument.
How hard can it be?0 -
I don't understand why anyone asks for contributions for anything AFTER they've bought it! No one had any idea of other people's financial circumstances - asking for a tenner from one person can be like asking for a thousand from another. It's just rude and ignorant.
It's not being tight even if you do have the money. She bought it, not you. Woukd you ask her to help pay towards your gas bill?Never again will the wolf get so close to my door :eek:0 -
I don't understand why anyone asks for contributions for anything AFTER they've bought it! No one had any idea of other people's financial circumstances - asking for a tenner from one person can be like asking for a thousand from another. It's just rude and ignorant.
It's not being tight even if you do have the money. She bought it, not you. Woukd you ask her to help pay towards your gas bill?
My thoughts too, we do combined gifts but always everyone asks first.
The sister is gaining the 'retail therapy' of shopping for something nice and gets the brownie points and oohs and ahs of giving it (even if she mentions you contributed) and all you get is some of the bill?? knock that on the head right now.European for 3 weeks in August, the rest of the year only British and proud.0 -
Why on earth should she expect others to contribute to surprise presents?
Spell it out that you're happy to contribute for the occasional big purchase, say fir Christmas, but as a general rule everyone buys their own little treats for mum - things they can afford.Member #14 of SKI-ers club
Words, words, they're all we have to go by!.
(Pity they are mangled by this autocorrect!)0
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