MSE News: Are you secretly hurting your spouse by looking after the family finances?

Former_MSE_Paloma · 1 May 2015 at 3:46PM

"My other half deals with the finances. I don't know anything about it." I've lost count of the times I've heard this ...

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Are you secretly hurting your spouse by looking after the family finances?

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michaels · 1 May 2015 at 4:14PM

I try but DW refuses to accept any knowledge on the grounds that if she doesn't know about it then why should she moderate her spending according to our household income....

Turtle · 1 May 2015 at 6:38PM

michaels wrote: »

I try but DW refuses to accept any knowledge on the grounds that if she doesn't know about it then why should she moderate her spending according to our household income....

Wow that's quite childish. Does she stick her fingers in her ears and sing so she can't hear you?!

I look after all the finances in our house (apart from his sole current account) and my husband wouldn't buy something expensive without 'asking'. He knows I wouldn't lie, so if I say we can't afford something that's fine. I do worry how he'd manage with all the accounts that aren't just his though, I've told him where the spreadsheets are and I'll keep my fingers crossed that nothing happens to me!

nicing · 1 May 2015 at 6:55PM

I do try to involve my husband whenever possible, but he says he is just not good with these things. I have a spreadsheet with all our financial commitments etc, and we sit together every month or so, so that I can show him how we are progressing. I do try to make sure he knows, so that I know he can keep up to date for our kids sake, should something happen to me.

verysillyguy06 · 1 May 2015 at 8:49PM

Lotta strange questions on this forum: Surely the question is irrelevant? If you want to know, you do finances with your partner...in that case, you surely hurt yourself?

Tigsteroonie · 1 May 2015 at 8:52PM

I could write a one-page bullet point list for Marley, it still wouldn't make any sense to him, finances will always be a complete mystery :rotfl:

mum2one · 1 May 2015 at 9:17PM

my parents are the generation where the man does all the money dealings and the woman just has a savings account, after over 50 yrs of marriage they've gone along with the arrangement.

But when my father got took ill last yr (cancer), he spent 1 month in hospital 100 miles from us (happened on holiday) she was a fish out of water, and it was left to me to pick through it all, since then I have all accounts on online banking, even now although dads in remission she still doesn't deal with banks.

I think couple should work together, even if the 2nd person just sees a spreadsheet. x

enthusiasticsaver · 1 May 2015 at 10:31PM

I have always looked after the finances due to the fact I used to work in a bank and my husband shows no interest in it. I do show him spreadsheets and he has copies of where our savings are and passwords etc but he is just not interested in budgeting etc but I make him look at what we spend and what we have coming in every 3 months.

We have joint current accounts but most of the savings are in my name as I pay lower rate tax and he would not bother to move savings accounts when the interest rate drops. He says he is no good at all that but I think it is just laziness. He is good at other things though like DIY which I am hopeless at.

Errata · 1 May 2015 at 10:48PM

Some couples very sensibly play to their strengths. The only time a partner can be "hurt" is when there's skulduggery going on.

Delree · 2 May 2015 at 7:11AM

I work in rent arrears collection and the amount of times I've had a bloke on the phone say "the missus deals with all that" is unbelievable. People need to take more responsibility.

I've recently sat in an office with a husband and wife revealing how much debt they're in to the husband. The husband was having a go at his wife but I stopped him and told him that willfull ignorance does not absolve him of blame. He's as much to blame for this mess as his wife and instead of shouting they should team up and work with me to solve it. They didn't. They're funeral.

jayII · 2 May 2015 at 8:05AM

I do ours but I insist that OH has a basic grasp of what is happening and where various savings pots are. He'd probably manage, just to do the basics if he ever needed to. I think he finds my fussing with money cute. *rolleyes*

I also sorted all my mum's various pensions, did probate and so on, when she was widowed. She's since learnt to have a basic grasp on her finances and online banking. It would have been much easier for her if she'd shared the responsibility with her husband from day one.

MSE News: Are you secretly hurting your spouse by looking after the family finances?

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