How do you approach present buying when budgets differ?

Former_MSE_Joanne · 27 November 2014 at 1:40PM

My brother’s household has a much tighter budget than my household. It will be their daughter’s first Christmas this year and I can’t decide how much to spend on her. I would love to give her something that I know they would love to have but couldn't normally afford. However, I also feel that being too generous could be quite insensitive as it may make them feel pressure to match that level of present-giving themselves. Then again spending only a token amount would seem very miserly given that everyone knows we could afford more. What should I do?

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frugs · 2 December 2014 at 11:21PM

Ask your brother!

Totally get what you're considering, but if you ask your brother what he might want you to get, and/or suggest what you want to get, then they can be offended by a big gift or think you're tight for a small gift. Similiarly they might hope you to get something, but don't want to put you under the pressure of spending more than you otherwise would.

For me, buying for kids is way more fun than adults, so enjoy the chance!

Greveson · 3 December 2014 at 12:20AM

Do you have/are you planning on having children?

In my family my parents and all uncles and aunties agreed on an amount to spend on nieces/nephews for birthday/christmas presents. That way it removes any uncertainty, unfairness, and ensures it doesn't get out of hand (especially if you have a big family).

gloriouslyhappy · 3 December 2014 at 1:37AM

Talk to him, say how much you're looking forward to your baby niece's first Christmas and that you'd like to splurge on a special present to mark the occasion. Maybe say that for subsequent years you understand that he might wish to set limits so you don't go overboard on the spoiling and you'll of course fall in with his wishes, and then tell him what you had in mind - if you have a particular indulgent item in mind, that is - for this year, and see what he says.

So lovely to have a new baby in the family - you'll all enjoy it more with all the money stuff out in the open, and no fears of duplicating presents or disappointing anyone.

oldtrout · 3 December 2014 at 5:21AM

Honestly, speak to your brother about it!

Your niece is a baby and will only appreciate cardboard boxes this year

but if there is a useful item you could get for her, then I'm sure it will be appreciated.

oldtrout · 3 December 2014 at 5:29AM

PS ... These so called MMDs haven't been labelled as 'hypothetical' MMDs recently. Originally, they were usually portrayed as true MMDs, but after a little banter, they were labelled 'hypothetical', but that's gone again!!

How do we know any of them are real? Still not seen any feedback, EVER, on what any OP decided to do after we all gave our opinion on here.

warmhands.coldheart · 3 December 2014 at 8:21AM

I ALWAYS ask my sister what presents to get her my nieces.... Means you are always getting them something they want or will get use out of. We always agree a budget for the family as people will have different numbers of kids..i.e. I have 3 Kids, she has 2 so we say £60 per family (max) meaning our kids get a £20 present each but hers may get a £30 present ..... Seems fair to me

Petaldust · 3 December 2014 at 8:55AM

I second the comments advising you to just tell them your dilemma and ask what they would prefer you to do.

Maysie · 3 December 2014 at 9:29AM

Just ask its the best and easiest way.

victory · 3 December 2014 at 9:33AM

Just ask him, always better to buy a gift that will be used.

ec81 · 3 December 2014 at 9:44AM

My best friend has 4 children and I don't have any. As a consequence I have more spare cash than she does. I have a longstanding agreement with my friend that I'll only buy for the children, this allows me to spend more on the kids so they'll get things they really want. My friend will buy me a small gift "from the children" in return and we'll normally meet up for a nice lunch somewhere after christmas. At the end of the day, christmas is about the children, not the adults, and more often than not, the children don't know or care about the costs involved!
If you ask your brother if you can just buy for the little'uns so you can spend a bit more, I doubt he'll refuse.

How do you approach present buying when budgets differ?

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