Husband spent half the rent money on booze

jak · 7 April 2008 at 4:53PM

Ok. Here goes. I am 25 weeks pregnant with ur first child and I always pay the bills as husband is crap with money. As he needs to learn to cope with it as he isn't a child, I put the rent money in his account so he could write a cheque to cover it. He did this and we are waiting for our landlord to pick it up. Last Thursday he went out with work friends and took out £100, then £30 of the rent and spent it on booze for him and his friends. £130.-nothing left. I only found out yesterday and don't know what to do. It isn't the money so much as the lies. That and the fact i'm wiping my bum with value toilet paper while he's off doing that! And feeding myself (and baby) with cheapo food so we can pay down our debts...Beginning to wonder why I bother. I really don't know what to do. We've been married since August. He spent our savigs before we got married and I nearly didn't marry him because of it. Beginning to wish I hadn't. I love him but i'm not prepared to never buy a house or go on holiday because he's rubbish. I'm also not prepared to take full responsibility for our finances when there are 2 of us in this relationship.Any thoughts?Jx

RAS · 7 April 2008 at 5:01PM

I am sorry to hear this Jak. And well done for reducing your debts so far.

I think you might be advised to talk to Relate, ideally with OH. If OH will not join you, you could talk through the issues and decide the priorities.

I also think it might be a good idea i you were to put your situation into www.entitledto.com as you now are and as you would be if decided to leave OH. Bear in mind that if you are on benefits and the debts are joint, you would only need to pay £1 a month at most. Any that are in his name would be his sole responsibility.

LilacPixie · 7 April 2008 at 5:03PM

Well I took my husbands cards from him and opened him a basic bank account that he got a small s/o each week (£20) until he learned to be responsible. It only took about 6 weeks of that and he has improved alot. You cannot make him grow up tho, he has to do it for himself

jak · 7 April 2008 at 5:06PM

Thanks guys. I think the Relate idea is a good one. Any idea how much it costs?Basic bank account is worth looking in to.Thanksx

lynsayjane · 7 April 2008 at 5:07PM

oh hun thats a terrible situation to be in. Are you able to find the extra to cover your rent to avoid any problems short term?

I think long term you need to seriously consider YOUR future and you babies future, at the very least it's a horrible atmosphere to raise a baby in. Also try to stay calm as getting stressed will only hurt the baby.

Write down all the pro's and cons of your relationship and all the things that are bothering you and speak to your OH. Tell him how you feel about his actions and disregard for you and your child and your concerns for your future. Tell him how you are seriously considering if you would be better on your own and ask him to work with you to make the marriage work. If he tries then you know it's worth trying. If he doesn't, walk.

good luck with whatever you decide x

tesuhoha · 7 April 2008 at 5:08PM

I dont think you can afford the luxury of him learning to cope with money. At least not now. I think you should take complete charge of the money and give him a small allowance of £5-£10 per week. Let him learn to manage on that.

andan · 7 April 2008 at 5:09PM

Hi Jak, no advice to offer really but just wanted to send you my support. Sounds like your doing so well staying strong through what can be a difficult time. I think you are brave sharing money with the hubbie anyway! My partner and i have been together six years and i know one thing there is no way i would have a joint account with him, he is rubbish with money and i'm not going to work hard so he can spend it!

Good luck though and i hope Relate works or he sorts himself out.

stapeley · 7 April 2008 at 5:11PM

Kick Him Out !

jamtart6 · 7 April 2008 at 5:15PM

i think relate is free! i would probably say kick him out too! but with newly married and a baby on the way, sounds like he hasnt grown up properly yet if he is only 25? the others are right you cant afford the luxury of letting him do this again.

Is he sorry for what he has done? or does he not see the problem? If my OH had done this and was sorry and would do anything (seeing Relate people, letting you take care of finances) I would give him another chance, if he didn't see the issue at all and wonders why you are getting upset, then I really think you should think about why you want to stay together

duchy · 7 April 2008 at 5:16PM

Well the first thing you need to do is go and open a bank account for yourself and write the rent cheque out yourself.
Can he see he has a problem and is it an immaturity problem or a drink problem ? Sorry a stark question but I think you need to be very clear about what you are dealing with so you CAN deal with it before you end up stuck in the house with no nappies or milk for the baby and no way of getting any because he's blown it.

tallyhoh · 7 April 2008 at 5:19PM

Oh boy, I wish I could turn back the clock 22 years & have you people to put me wise.
The basic account is a really good idea. My OH has to pay me all the bills etc the DAY he gets paid & he gets whatever is left.

Please try not to do what I did long ago, I tried not to make a big issue out of these things. You must make a big a fuss as you can or they think its not a big deal. Feed the bu**er on value baked beans every night for a month.

The relate idea is very good, I wish mine would attend but he thinks nothing is wrong. Only you know when enough is enough but dont let him get away with it again if you get my meaning.

Good luck

Husband spent half the rent money on booze

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