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Just for a laugh
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Ria2007
Posts: 16 Forumite
Hello everyone, after looking at hundred's of estate agents brochures and then going on to view the houses I thought I would just put down my translation of some Estate Agents jargon when buying. Its just for a laugh and its my take on it really because when you are trying to buy a house it does become very stressfull so I thought this little funny jargon buster may cheer people up, if anyone else can think of some more please post. Lets have a laugh and get rid of the stress. I hope you think they are funny.
1. 'Would suit first time buyer' = 'Second time buyer would run a mile'.
2. 'Great Views' = 'The neighbours summer house'.
3. 'Landscaped Gardens' = 'Big Lawn'
4. 'Paddock Area' = 'An even bigger lawn'
5. 'Open to offers' = 'Desperate to sell'
6. 'Residential Development' = Housing Estate.
7. 'Town House' = Terrace House
8. 'Row of Cottages' = Old Terrace House.
9. 'Entrance vestibule' = Draught excluder.
10.'Desireable Property' = Hard to sell.
11.'Investment Property' = Needs bulldozing and would benefit from a rebuild
12.'Good Investment Property' = As above but with a sitting tennent.
13.'Original Features' = Not modernised
14. 'Quaint' = Small
15. 'Well Presented' = Smells of new paint
16. 'Period Dwelling' = Old House
17. 'Would suit pet lovers' = smells of animals.
18. 'Family home' = smells of cooking.
I hope the above has given you a laugh and made you smile.:rotfl:
1. 'Would suit first time buyer' = 'Second time buyer would run a mile'.
2. 'Great Views' = 'The neighbours summer house'.
3. 'Landscaped Gardens' = 'Big Lawn'
4. 'Paddock Area' = 'An even bigger lawn'
5. 'Open to offers' = 'Desperate to sell'
6. 'Residential Development' = Housing Estate.
7. 'Town House' = Terrace House
8. 'Row of Cottages' = Old Terrace House.
9. 'Entrance vestibule' = Draught excluder.
10.'Desireable Property' = Hard to sell.
11.'Investment Property' = Needs bulldozing and would benefit from a rebuild
12.'Good Investment Property' = As above but with a sitting tennent.
13.'Original Features' = Not modernised
14. 'Quaint' = Small
15. 'Well Presented' = Smells of new paint
16. 'Period Dwelling' = Old House
17. 'Would suit pet lovers' = smells of animals.
18. 'Family home' = smells of cooking.
I hope the above has given you a laugh and made you smile.:rotfl:
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Comments
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some more
period features = some old bits
in need of tlc = needs demolition and rebuilding
link detached = semi detached or terraced
close to transport links = railway line or motorway at bottom of garden
investment opportunity = you wouldn't want to live there yourself
must be seen = your not going to believe it otherwise
(actually that's a strange one who buys without seeing anyway ?)
Great views = top floor flat so pray the lifts are reliable0 -
reduced for quick sale - still over the market price, but there's one born every minute.It's a health benefit ...0
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'bijou and compact' - It's a Telephone box.0
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alanobrien wrote: »
must be seen = your not going to believe it otherwise
(actually that's a strange one who buys without seeing anyway ?)
I've done that!! My ex and I bought a flat only he had viewed. I trusted him and it was a nice flat. Everyone I told thought I was mad, lol. Highjack over...[STRIKE]Student Loan = 798 @ Jan 2013 Target date to clear = 2013 DONE [/STRIKE]
Mortgage= [STRIKE]38100 @ Feb 2013 Target date to clear = 2026[/STRIKE], 33044 @ April 2015, New target date = Jan 2025
Credit card = 3300 @ April 2015 Target date to clear = April 2016
Debt free nerd no. 540. Proud to be dealing with my debts
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Good post Ria as ea's do speak another language to the one in general use. A few translations to add to your list.
Original features= ancient bathroom or advocado bathroom suite, kitchen consisting of just a sink.
Would benefit from some cosmetic updating= needs everything, new bathroom, new kitchen, full rewire, central heating & double glazing
Suit people looking to downsize=very small & poky
Don't let this one get away=everybody else has said no & we need somebody to say yes.
Courtyard garden=poky little concrete yard
Well presented=they've tidied up for the photographs & not left washing up in the sink or clothes on bedroom floor
Light & airy= they left windows open & had lights on when we were taking the photographs
Facing large attractive green/open space=be prepared for teenagers hanging about there at night & spoiling your peaceThe bigger the bargain, the better I feel.
I should mention that there's only one of me, don't confuse me with others of the same name.0 -
They're all true.Happy chappy0
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would suit DIY enthusiast = has no plumbing and the internal walls are falling down.It's a health benefit ...0
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Investment opportunity - rental yield in excess of 1%.
Suit sharers - Dangerous pit. No gas safety cert.
No children/pets - ...until I get desperate to rent it out0 -
Poor order and in need of modernisation - Agent wants to buy it!Notlob0
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Deceptively spacious - It isn't.Happy chappy0
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